[Reallytrying]

Never - thanks. I appreciate it. I have definitely grown over these few years. Tough as it's been that's a silver lining

31 - I honestly don't know if there's anyone who'll give him that push since his mom won't and I don't know what his friends say to him. I have invited him to a few things - he usually says no. He has historically resisted doing things with me outside of the house. We've spent lots of time together outside the house lately but it's all been around watching S games - sometimes that means 4 hours side by side sharing snacks on a Saturday afternoon.

I have to admit I had a chuckle today. H and I usually give joint gifts - even since we've been separated. Usually I'm the gift buyer (gift giving is definitely my love language). When I asked him about Mother's Day for his mom & sister he acted like an a$$h@le and indicated that he had sent them stuff from HIM. I was annoyed about it (ask Handpuppets) but then I just decided to let it go. They are his family if that's how he wanted it to be - so be it.  Today SIL mentioned how stunned she was that he bought her some kitchen thing. she didn't  want to seem ungrateful so she didn't mention to him what she thought. I chuckled and said "your brother acted like an a$$ about it so I had nothing to do  with the selection of that gift". Her response "obviously!" 😂😂😂.  I just ordered her a little something a bit more personal.

[UrsaMajor]

<snort>

Mid-Lifers and gifts....

It would be hysterically funny if we weren't the ones actually WATCHING it happen...

[KeepItTogether]

RT--I stopped inviting my H to things. He has rejected me so many times, I don't want to subject myself to it anymore. And yet, we still go to our S's sporting events together, sit together, etc. MLC is strange.

[Reallytrying]

RT--I stopped inviting my H to things. He has rejected me so many times, I don't want to subject myself to it anymore. And yet, we still go to our S's sporting events together, sit together, etc. MLC is strange.

I hear you. I don't invite h to things much either - don't want to out myself in a space to he rejected and lately I'll have a better time if he's not there because there's no tension. We do spend lots of time together at kids related things - and like you in those spaces we always sit together.

We are also working together now on selling our rental house. I went there this week and it was bittersweet. That area is where we bought our first house - we brought son home to that house and interestingly the last project we worked on together was getting it ready for the current tenant in 2013. We worked there all day without the kids - we talked, laughed, listened to music, got home and ...... and then BD was shortly after that. It was the first indication that for him his depression is kept at at when he is doing something. It was sad to go there but truthfully it didn't feel like home. Our house now is home - it's where I have neighbors who have become dear friends. Without them this whole experience would have been so much harder than it was.

H cycles more rapidly now. The hot and cold pattern used to last for weeks. He'd be in a connected pattern for awhile then cycle away. Now it's day to day - sometimes hour to hour. Today connected, tomorrow not. It must be exhausting for him. I've gotten good at taking him as he comes. If he's pleasant I'm friendly if he's detached I'm still relatively friendly. That's pretty much who I am and I just treat him like I'd treat any other random person.

[KeepItTogether]

"Any other random person." Sometimes I just shake my head at MLC.

I do wonder why your H is cycling so quickly these days. Doing some work on himself perhaps? Dare I dream? 

[Medusa]

I vaguely recall that the cycling mimics the early days when they are reaching liminality. All available appendages are crossed, RT!

[MourningDove]

I vaguely recall that the cycling mimics the early days when they are reaching liminality. All available appendages are crossed, RT!

It is a good thing it is flip flop weather again - LOL

[Reallytrying]

KIT, Medusa, & MD - interesting that they cycle more frequently as they approach liminality. That makes sense on some level because I could see now this extreme hot & cold would be tiring for them.

H came over tonight to take s to the park. He was going to hang out with a friend of his who I can't  stand - think he is the rudest man. I was annoyed because I thought he was bringing him here but instead they went to the park to work in S sports. As he came in the door he was holding a small plant. He never mentioned why he had the plant and I didn't ask. D mentioned that she asked and he said s wanted a plant. S apparently wanted a bonsai tree so he brought a random plant 😱.  I guess that's still something ........

I swear this is the most bizarre experience - I'm sure I'll be the one watering the plant 😂😂😂

[The lighthouse]

As he came in the door he was holding a small plant. He never mentioned why he had the plant and I didn't ask. D mentioned that she asked and he said s wanted a plant. S apparently wanted a bonsai tree so he brought a random plant 😱.  I guess that's still something ........

I swear this is the most bizarre experience - I'm sure I'll be the one watering the plant 😂😂😂

  That's really sweet RT, and yes, it's something.  They're both still green .  Yes, you will probably be the one watering it. 

[Savoir Faire]

At the beginning of my H's crisis, he used to bring little things home almost daily.  He was in monster mode most of the time but the 'gifts', usually just things from the supermarket he purchased on the way home - I think they were 'peace offerings' after his terrible displays of rudeness/anger.  He couldn't articulate so he came bearing gifts.  Maybe it's his way of getting back in favor?