Stayed,
I feel I have offended you in some way HB and no offense was intended.
Actually, as a general rule, I'm very thick skinned....but the past few days and weeks have been somewhat of a different story.
For one thing, I'm very stressed out at this point; I'm currently making my delivery not far from home; and I'll be headed to the doctor tomorrow; I'm very worried about what the doctor might have to say.
I drive for a living; and I would hope that nothing will affect that occupation.
The good news is my husband will be home, too; and I'm anxious to see him.
Not that it matters to anyone but me; but this is where I stand at this time.
That comment struck me very hard at the time I read it; and it reminded me of some very nasty comments I'd read last year on the other board I'd been on long ago.
RCR went through these same things, as I did. I've always kept in mind that these are PEOPLE with lives to lead, and feelings; and I don't EVER want to tell them something that's going to lead them wrong.
People's expectations were very high; and they expected the "wise" ones to simply hand them the answers; so they didn't have to do anything for themselves...and this was not to be.
I was flamed MANY more times than you will ever know for quite of few of the aspects I learned and passed on; simply because I was told they represented NO hope; people didn't want to do the work; they just wanted a way to make this crisis go away quickly; and have their marriages back..and because I knew it wouldn't go the way they wanted it to go; and bluntly told them that, I was insulted, told I didn't know what I was talking about....and you can imagine what I read...because people weren't getting their way in this trial.
They weren't hurting anyone but themselves with their stubbornness, and I let them go..knowing I could not do anything else for them.
And since I still had my marriage; I was supposed to just hand over my 'secret' when there was NO secret; only the journey and the work being done within me; and people weren't willing to do some of the things I did..and this, made ME look like a doormat during the crisis.
I have NO shame for what I did to help save my marriage; none whatsoever; I did what I knew was best for ME; I endured through; letting pass some things that maybe other people wouldn't let go of...it just wasn't that important at the time whatever it was was happening.
They needed to grow up and through this trial; it was the only way; and they were fighting that process tooth and nail.
For example; I have seen, and do present BOTH sides of the coin as it comes up; there's a possibility the marriage will make it, AND the possibility the marriage won't make it...but there are still things the MLC'er and LBS must do; as individuals to make their lives whole and the marriage is simply a bonus.
Marriage was never meant to be a means to an end, neither was one person supposed to get "lost" in the other.
And when someone comes along; and
seems to criticize not getting all the fine details of what will happen on a journey; to me, that's expecting too much of anyone.
That is how I read your comment, Stayed...I read it twice and was very surprised; because that didn't sound like you at all.
I thought about it; and just answered it to make very clear for others that followed the thread that this is not all about simply getting the answers handed to you......this is about growing, changing; and becoming what you were meant to be. And you'll do this on your OWN, most times WITHOUT help; simply because each person is different.
There are NO "pat" or "one size fits all" answers for everyone.
If a teacher simply provided all the answers to all situations, the students wouldn't learn anything on their own.
They would always be looking to, leaning on; and never finding their own feet to stand.
You probably wouldn't be surprised at the people who come looking for a quick fix...and you know, as well as I do, this won't happen either.
I had thought of the analogy of when I learned to drive an 18 wheeler nearly nine years ago; I got straightforward training, then, trained with a driver trainer...and then, I was on my own; and I learned MORE aspects than anyone could have covered in the time I was in the first two phases of training.
Did this mean I came back on the trainer, or even the school I started with for what they didn't teach me? NO, I learned the most that I have ever learned, on my own...and I'm STILL learning.
This can be applied to the journey the LBS goes on; the start, the learning and the help needed comes when someone arrives here needing help; because they don't know what's going on..and you would be surprised at how many people come for help that know nothing...we've gotten some people who've already learned by simply reading here and elsewhere.
I do not want or wish for people to think they aren't getting enough here...they are getting exactly what they need to do for themselves.
And what people gain from this board does NOT all come from what RCR and I have written over time; people like yourself; that brings in another point of view; also helps.
I had no intention of offending you, either; but when I see something; I will call someone out on it; this is who I am.
And I always expect to be challenged on what I say; if someone doesn't ask questions, and simply takes what I say to be truth; that's one thing, yet, to learn more is to challenge me is to expand the explanation; yet, I'm also learning from people who present a different point of view, as there is NO one way of navigating the trial at hand.
And I read many of your posts with interest; as you do present a vastly different point of view; as you survived this crisis in a much different way than I did...and I learn things from you, too..just so you know.
And just so you know, I'm not angry; just blunt, as always.
Author
Topic: 
What makes us different?