[Slow Fade]

So the ones that return home have somehow cured their disease? 

I don't think "cure" is the right word. Why do they come back? I don't know.  I do know that mine didn't come back "cured". He is still broken and a mental mess, but he's trying. WE are trying.

All we can talk about is our experiences. In this case one size does not fit all.

[heroIam]

I agree one size doesn't fit all.
SF.  Did your H talk much about his reasons for returning - I should read your thread.  How long was he gone?  OW?. 
Nice that you are both trying and working on things.
I'm sure it is not easy for you.  Was your H a clinger or vanisher or in between? 

[serenity]

I watched an interesting talk given by a man who said he'd been through five terrible years and it had started when he was 45.

He explained how he suddenly felt nothing, poor memory and thinking, fuzzy head, no concentration and poor sleep! No connection to anything and just didn't feel himself at all.

He eventually got help and was diagnosed with low testosterone! He's now been receiving treatment for this and he said he started feeling better very quickly and things improved for him as the months went on.

I felt this was a very encouraging talk by this man and he actually sounded like he was going through a MLC with his description of all his experiences!

Sadly there was a Dr with him during this interview, giving his opinion and I felt he spoilt this serious discussion by laughing and joking and saying this wasn't to be confused with a MLC where a man just gets a sports car, young gf etc! This doctor seemed to see MLC as just one huge joke!

I thought it was worth mentioning anyway!

X

[Slow Fade]

I agree one size doesn't fit all.
SF.  Did your H talk much about his reasons for returning - I should read your thread.  How long was he gone?  OW?. 
Nice that you are both trying and working on things.
I'm sure it is not easy for you.  Was your H a clinger or vanisher or in between? 

Hero, he didn't talk much about anything! I was over helping him with his yard one day and he just looked at me and said "Well, I guess we need to get xyz done if we are going to do this." I said "Do what?" and he said "Get back together."  Could have knocked me over with a feather.

BD was Easter in 2012 but he'd been having an affair since 2010. He came home May of 2016.

He was a clinger. LearningIAMOK called him Superglue! Lol!

He explained how he suddenly felt nothing, poor memory and thinking, fuzzy head, no concentration and poor sleep! No connection to anything and just didn't feel himself at all.

He eventually got help and was diagnosed with low testosterone! He's now been receiving treatment for this and he said he started feeling better very quickly and things improved for him as the months went on.

Very interesting! I wish my H would have received some treatment! He refused to acknowledge anything other than it was all my fault! 

[SavingMySanity]

Mine is too embarrassed to go see a doc because it makes him feel less "manly". 

[Medusa]

 

This may be dumb to ask, but what is the better MLCer to deal with a clinger or vanisher? And, is there any evidence on which one seems to get through their MLC trip any sooner?

I don't think there is anything to say one goes through faster than the other, SMS.

X started as a boomerang, became off-on and is now pretty much a vanisher. Over the years, Nah and I have compared ours because out timelines are something like 3 weeks apart. Hers has shown some progress in his own way. Mine? He's still one angry, controlling jerk. Nah's lost everything including his high-paying job. Mine went and managed a promotion.

We say they cannot look at themselves to realize they are the common denominator to all their problems until they reach rock bottom. I don't know if Nah's has or not, but he's a whole lot closer than mine because we do have tangible evidence of what he's lost.

So what's better to deal with? I will take am vanished any day of the week. I lived with my MLCer for 8 months and wound up in the psych ward because of his crap. It wasn't until he finally moved out and shifted to off-on that my real healing began. But there are people who are able to see theirs every day and get through. Really Trying comes to mind. I guess it boils down to our own personality as to what we can deal with.

Mine is too embarrassed to go see a doc because it makes him feel less "manly". 

That may be an excuse. They usually don't think there is anything wrong with them, so why go to a doctor? The only reason me would go is to get his prescription for Viagra (the name of the LBS existence!).

[Keep believing]

Mine went to the doctor . Had labs done and he said that everything came back perfect. He then told me the dr. Said " whatever you are doing ,keep doing because everything is perfect."  H then said to me " you must be pissed". Isnt that great.?  Of course i was hoping just the opposite. 

[BrenM]

Interesting....my EH was diagnosed with low testosterone after BD....I just know something is not right with him due to the personality change....unfortunately we can't help...the monster persona attacks me like I am his worse enemy....breaks my heart!!!

[Keep believing]

Who is " happy" who describes themselves going theough mlc?

[gman242]

Ok I have one..

Having a W, my antenna is tuned to the W MLC topics.

I've heard W's are the least likely to return. I've also heard W's are just as likely, if not more than men to return because LBHs detach and let go faster than LBWs do. Of course, this is all based on anecdotal evidence and it seems that nobody can agree on anything anyway so take that with a gain of salt.

 I will say, I can see both sides... however, I feel it's all a crap shoot.. men, women.. all different, different FOO issues.. no two MLCs are the same. What do you guys think about the return of the Ws? That could be a movie title.