[OffRoad]

My H avoids me, doesn't talk to me, texts are strictly  pick up and drop off times. He has not wished me Happy Birthday the past 2 years and doesn't even say hello. . He filed for divorce months ago.

Today the kids brought home a mother's day balloon, candle, and cards (kids are 6 and under)..  i texted him a couple hours later that I really appreciate the thoughtful mother's day gifts. H responded a cold reply saying it is not from him, it's from the kids and pretty much not to text him other than kid related drop off, pick up.

Can anyone explain this behavior?

Some MLCers recognize that the LBS is a good parent, even if we were the cause of everything wrong in THEIR lives  . It's possible the oldest asked to go buy something for you for Mother's day, and he grudgingly complied. Or he might have done it because he logically realized it was the thing to do. But in his mind, you aren't his mother, so it wasn't from him and he wasn't thoughtful. Besides, if you are nice, it throws his whole theory that you are evil out the window. So he can't allow you to be nice to him. That's one interpretation, anyway.

[maomina]

I agree with offroad mine could not digest the fact that I moved house simply to take the kids to a better school....any good thing i do is poopooed away any bad thing ....woah !!!!

Anyone notice that all the mlcer s family is a bit wacko as well of going through some kind of crisis? Both ex hs siblings are with others half their age and all r s got too serious too quick! Also all think that they r still in their 20's it's as if all the family is stuck!

[kitty133]

I have a question re: the OW.

My husband left me and our two babies for the OW. This was 9 months ago. He lives in our neighborhood so I see her car there every night. We are in the middle of a divorce so I have also seen all of his bank statements which show all of his hotel, flower, nails and dinner charges that he made while he was married to me and since he has left. I have called him out on this and he completely denies it. He went as far as saying the bank statements "are wrong". He says he isn't with anyone. I'm so confused as to why he doesn't just admit it at this point. I have proof. Is he just waiting until the divorce is final or does he not see a real future with her? FYI - she is a 27 year old waitress at the restaurant we owned. He is 43. She is an affair down in every way and I don't care about her at all but I don't want her near my children.

[Thunder]

Maomina,

Yes my X's family are all screwed up people.  Nice but very dysfunctional.

Kitty,

Who knows why they lie, I guess its just part of their script.  Easier than fessing up.
They don't want to be the bad guy...so they cover it up.
At least you know.  He'll probably act like he just met her after the D is final.   

[maomina]

Kitty yes mine did just that he denied and denied ....he even tried to get his mum to babysit our kids so i could get out of the house and find someone new ....maybe then he would have introduced her to the family using the excuse that i had moved on .....they know what they are doing looks bad and so they deny ....or else that s what I think 
 
 Thank you thunder  I have been noticing this for quiet sometime now and also if the world says it s black they say white .....unbelievable a whole family stuck in wonderland even mil !!!!!

[Velika]

I actually believe that what some people who finally "emerge" from MLC say, that they felt like two different people or like they were watching themselves. (An observation from my friend who had postpartum depression as well btw.)

I remember one time last year, we went to a therapy meeting. My then-H and I were having a conversation and I said perhaps we could continue it in the car on the ride to pick up our son from school. He panicked and told me that this was a bad idea for our son, all the while, clearing out space in the passenger seat for me. I ended up not riding with him, but this struck me as odd. Since reading about the split brain I have wondered a lot about this.

My feeling is that for this reason all communications are best kept to a minimum and directed if possible at the children, not the MLCer. The other day my former H had our son pick up flowers for me because I was sick. I texted a thank you to our son. At this point, I think it is humorous in a way that I need to make sure that he knows that I know that we are "over."

[Keep believing]

Does anyone understand or have the psycology reasoning as to why a mlcer tries to make the ow the lbs? I do not get this. And does it make a difference for a return? I guess what i mean is if they think they turn ow into you would they still miss the real you?

[Thunder]

KB,

Maybe I'm not understanding.

The ow can dress like you are try to act like you, but there is only one you.

Dying their hair your color, or pretending to like what you like is not real.  The MLCer will eventually see they are not authentic.

I know Ethan's Mom's ow tried to copy her and so did Nah's H's ow, but it is never worked.  They were trying so hard to replace the W they sold out who they really were.

Is your X's trash trying to be you?

[Keep believing]

I think h is doing it?

[Thunder]

Oh I see.  He is trying to make her look like you.

Well that's pretty telling if you ask me. If he didn't want you why would he want her to look or act like you?
I think there is still something in him that misses you so he's attempting to change her.

At least I think that's what it seems like.

He'll figure out eventually she is not you, no matter how hard he tries.