Author Topic: Discussion Maybe they all have a PD  (Read 1144 times)

Offline 1phoenixTopic starterTopic starter

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Discussion Maybe they all have a PD
« on: April 22, 2017, 01:32:12 PM »
Maybe they all just have some type of personality disorder and their hormones just put them out of whack.

Any other ideas?
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Offline beyondblessed

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Re: Maybe they all have a PD
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2017, 04:05:07 PM »
Not a doubt in my mind that mine is, and always has been a covert narcissist.

Offline Kintsugi

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Re: Maybe they all have a PD
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2017, 04:09:53 PM »
I have no problen believing this.  I am sure mine has some anti-social personality disorder with some of his mother's borderline personality disorder. Throw in some Aspergers too.
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Offline BrenM

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Re: Maybe they all have a PD
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2017, 06:04:30 PM »
Totally agree - his father is a Narcissist, emotionally abusing my H during his childhood and adulthood....definitely can see Traits
« Last Edit: April 22, 2017, 06:52:59 PM by Rossbren »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Maybe they all have a PD
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2017, 03:24:55 AM »
Mine had a pretty bad childhood, but to this day I truly believe his hormones were more to blame for his MLC.
Plus, he has an avoidance personality and has social anxiety.

Bundle it all together and it's the perfect storm.   ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Kintsugi

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Re: Maybe they all have a PD
« Reply #5 on: April 23, 2017, 04:26:06 AM »
Totally agree - his father is a Narcissist, emotionally abusing my H during his childhood and adulthood....definitely can see Traits
I wonder how much childhood (and adulthood) abuse has to play in MLC. Mine also has issues with this. His mother is so batsh!t crazy that even at 51, she continues to verbally abuse him.
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful ~ Barbara Bloom

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Maybe they all have a PD
« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2017, 06:16:57 AM »

I've been wondering this lately too 1P, if lots of us could say our MLCers have common traits! Mine very antisocial, socially anxious, short tempered even before MLC, am sure male menopause a thing (received a Jed Diamond email tonight titled 'male menopause: the hidden cause of midlife marriage meltdown'), same could be true for women, certain personality types unable to process/deal with it.

Me 45
H 49
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014, D June 2018
OW 17 years younger

Offline OneHotMess

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Re: Maybe they all have a PD
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2017, 06:17:47 AM »
Mine definitely has a personality disorder!!! His issues go way beyond what even I could imagine.
M 40
H 41
He moved out May 21,2017
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved her in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S13 & D8
BD  February 12 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- final hearing on our 20th anniversary (July 11,2018) divorce was final August 9, 2018

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10052.150

Offline Searching4Answers

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Re: Maybe they all have a PD
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2017, 09:09:04 AM »
I have often thought this too.

It was like my ex knew that his behavior (before MLC) was not "acceptable" and he tried to filter it around family and friends. At BD, he no longer cared if the mask was on or off - especially with me.

My ex has very strong narcissistic traits (always has), MLC just magnified them by 1000. My parents have always been on the selfish/self-absorbed side so I wasn't able to see this as an issue until he went bat sh!t crazy. 
We all do damage. Character is determined by how we repair it.


BD - December 2012
OW1 confirmed - December 2012 on-and-off for 34 months and counting (still refers to her as just a 'friend')
Wants to live like roommates - November 2013
I moved out - April 2015
H is still checking the anchor

Offline osb

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Re: Maybe they all have a PD
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2017, 09:38:27 AM »
FWIW the PD traits don't seem to last beyond MLC. My H's parents are both quite personality disordered (mom's a narcissist, dad is passive aggressive with rages). During MLC, my H really had every narcissistic trait in the book (selfish, emotionless, unable to make boundaries between him/his and me/mine, lashing out with rages, gaslighting; the world revolved around him, and people existed merely to satisfy his needs). As the fog lifted, so did the behavior. There's no way I could place the PD label on my H now, he's a kind and thoughtful man. Makes my head spin.

So I would posit that personality changes and PD traits that show up during MLC are related to MLC (though they do seem to follow character patterns that started in childhood - my H during MLC was a carbon copy of the worst of his parents' behaviours). in most cases, we didn't marry narcissists and only realize it now; our good memories of our partners are probably real. But MLC is like an acquired PD. Just my thoughts.
"You have a right to action, not to the fruit thereof; shoot your arrow, but do not look to see where it lands."  -Bhagavad Gita

 

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