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Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Furious with my Dad - Request for input for letter

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Furious with my Dad - Request for input for letter
#40: August 22, 2017, 03:26:37 PM
I am glad that you were able to make peace with your father :)

You are right, there are lots of differences in your world views, and for me, personally, love covers a multitude of offenses.
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M 59
H 59
S 28
D 25
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

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Re: Furious with my Dad - Request for input for letter
#41: August 23, 2017, 04:54:17 AM
Congratulations Navigator, that's a great finish for this story!
Seems like he really did his mirror work about this one.
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"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

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Re: Furious with my Dad - Request for input for letter
#42: August 23, 2017, 07:13:07 AM
Good to hear, Navigator!!
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: Furious with my Dad - Request for input for letter
#43: September 11, 2017, 12:30:34 AM
Bit of an update to this situation.

Mum and Dad have come to our city and are staying with my cousin.  Mum has been over most days to see the children but Dad has not as my wife is adamant that he doesn't come this time.  She didn't want me taking the kids to see him at a neutral location either, although I went to see Mum and Dad yesterday and hung out with them for three hours.

I was really glad I did, even though the fact that I couldn't or didn't take the older two kids really makes my heart hurt.  Dad just has no idea why my Mrs. and I were so angry and, honestly, he doesn't have the wherewithal to truly grasp why. I have let go of all my anger at this incident.

Seeing Dad again on Thursday all being well.
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Bomb & Separation: 28th January 2008
Moved in with OM for 5 months
EA/PA persisted from 2008 to 2010
Kids: DS ( 10 ), DD ( 9 ) confirmed mine with paternity tests
Another DS (3)
MLC lasted 6-7 years

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Re: Furious with my Dad - Request for input for letter
#44: November 20, 2019, 04:59:10 AM
I've been nudged back to this thread recently as I've been thinking about my Dad again. Not sure what's precipitated it.

Anyway, Dad and I "buried the hatchet" some time in late 2017. We talk, when I visit my parents then he always wants to take me to the pub etc. He enjoys the grandchildren.

But this episode back in 2017 has permanently altered how I see him, and indeed my Mum as well.

Dad was a very authoritarian father, worked a lot, studied a degree part time and had very little time for us. The only way I was able to get his attention was by pissing him off.

Adolescence was hell, made less hellish only by the fact that I was at boarding school between 11 and 18. No whacks there - I just focussed on academic work. My sister's adolescence was hell as well but she was less vocal than me and mostly felt "invisible".

I got whacked frequently when I was at home, mostly for challenging his authority and being "insubordinate". There were times when my Mum would plead with him not to give me good hiding.

I've realised just how "passive" and "inoffensive" my Mum is - and I realise it would have been impossible for her to be married to Dad for 46 years unless this was so.

There is a danger of me sounding ungrateful writing this, I understand, but just had to articulate these feelings in the written word somehow.  They're actually very difficult to verbalise.
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Bomb & Separation: 28th January 2008
Moved in with OM for 5 months
EA/PA persisted from 2008 to 2010
Kids: DS ( 10 ), DD ( 9 ) confirmed mine with paternity tests
Another DS (3)
MLC lasted 6-7 years

 

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