[Loyal]

I didn't say all.  I speak for no one but myself.  I no nothing of anyone else's situation, except what they share, and that hardly qualifies me to pass that kind of judgement.  However, if someone chooses to share how cruelly they are being treated, and they seem complacent to it, I will call them out on that.  Abuse in any situation is plain unacceptable, but what one chooses to allow will continue.

Do you mean me beyonddone. If so, you have absolutely no right. My P is not only in MLC but obviously has a severe problem with his addiction, which I only found out last Friday has been going on for at least 6 or 7 years and not sporadically for the past couple of years which I thought. This in no way justifies his cruel behaviour BUT he is definitely sick and if you were to take the time and look up the side effects you would learn that the awful way he`s been treating me is a typical symptom. Other than that I am absolutely not complacent about what he`s done to me, you have no idea how furious and upset I am on the one hand but on the other I am also very worried about him as I`m probably the only person who is concerned about his well being.

Other than that I am sure that there are many other LBSers here whose spouses or partners have similar addictions and who are also behaving very badly but they are too ashamed to mention it on their threads. I felt that way myself and it took me a hell of a long time before I plucked up the courage to do so.

Try putting yourself in the same position!

[heroIam]

I am truly glad for this board though because if not for it, I might still be twisting in the wind waiting for my xh to come to his senses. 

I don't consider myself twisting in the wind - the kids and I are moving forward but are standing for our family - trusting the process - and yes I do believe that he will come to his senses, whether we are still standing then or not is another story.  Don't write them all off completely beyonddone.

Thanks Still!

Shelly,

To answer your question the first four years were pure hell.  I dealt with the shock of it all, the newness of being single again.  Got myself a great IC and really mourned the death of my marriage and what I thought my life was supposed to be.  I didn't rush the process and really felt the pain.  I journaled, read a lot, reacquainted myself with God and began reading his word, prayed and surrounded myself with loving family and friends.  Still, I don't believe one ever truly heals from this experience.  It forever changes you.  Good and bad.

Today, I accept what happened but I can still get angry about how it played out.  I don't miss my ex any longer but at times miss my old life.  I do wonder how he is, if he's happy, healthy.  I do deep down believe he knows he messed up.  Even if he'll never be able to verbalize it to me.  You can't trade in someone like me to be with someone like he has now and be happy in the long run.  Just my opinion though.

Since my D I started two businesses, went to Europe a couple of times, have been able to spend quality time with my aging parents and got my CPL just to name a few.  I have many friends and a solid family. Yes, I've dated but came to realize I'm not willing to settle for any man just to be a couple.  There are a lot of broken men in my area and this experience has given me razor sharp abilities to read them (LOL).  I'm open to prospects though.  I have no desire to remarry.  I don't ever want to be financially tied to anyone.  One day I hope to find a companion but I'm not in a rush.  Right now I'm enjoying life.  God has me right where he wants me and when he wants to change course it'll happen.  I can honestly say I am happy and content but a continuous work in progress.

Ro and Rossbren,
Loved reading both of your posts. 

[Nas]

I didn't say all.  I speak for no one but myself.  I no nothing of anyone else's situation, except what they share, and that hardly qualifies me to pass that kind of judgement.  However, if someone chooses to share how cruelly they are being treated, and they seem complacent to it, I will call them out on that.  Abuse in any situation is plain unacceptable, but what one chooses to allow will continue.

Do you mean me beyonddone. If so, you have absolutely no right. My P is not only in MLC but obviously has a severe problem with his addiction, which I only found out last Friday has been going on for at least 6 or 7 years and not sporadically for the past couple of years which I thought. This in no way justifies his cruel behaviour BUT he is definitely sick and if you were to take the time and look up the side effects you would learn that the awful way he`s been treating me is a typical symptom. Other than that I am absolutely not complacent about what he`s done to me, you have no idea how furious and upset I am on the one hand but on the other I am also very worried about him as I`m probably the only person who is concerned about his well being.

Other than that I am sure that there are many other LBSers here whose spouses or partners have similar addictions and who are also behaving very badly but they are too ashamed to mention it on their threads. I felt that way myself and it took me a hell of a long time before I plucked up the courage to do so.

Try putting yourself in the same position!

Loyal, your situation sounds very difficult and I feel for you.  This whole thing sucks.
That said, I am certain Beyond was not directing a comment at you or anyone else. 

[heroIam]

It is cruel, traumatic and shocking to have experienced a BD.  Especially coming from a person we shared marriage vows with, had children with, and loved and trusted for so many years.  However, some of us continue to choose to love and have compassion for the MLCer.  This doesn't mean we don't care about ourselves, or that we aren't moving forward, or that we are somehow flawed inside.  Not all of us want to write them off so quickly - if at all, as we understand there is more going on with them mentally and emotionally than what is on the surface.  Regardless of their bad behaviors - choosing to LOVE ANYWAY is courageous and takes strength.  It's not a weakness by any means.   Loving oneself, AND loving others including your MLCer is a strength and an awareness. 

I get angry, hurt, sad...., I cycle.  I don't want nor like what is happening.  But I will always continue to love my H, no matter what happens.  But that's my choice.

[Thunder]

I agree Nas.

[CallingHeart]

Very cool to read Ro8 messages!  Thank you for posting!

Having a pure vanisher myself (I'm 2 years in) and knowing that there are others out there who survived and thrived, helps me to know innately I will too.  Mine went NC within 2 weeks of BD. Only contact was when he sued for divorce. For some reason, today I was thinking about his divorce email which was his only contact with me. It was sad that our marriage was so meaningless to him and that he couldn't even have a conversation with me. There is a mild flood of sorrow that I feel inside still when I think about it, but I can also keep it from causing me to cycle.  It's as if I can see the sorrow like watching a movie, I can feel it, but I can keep it mild and not allow it to overwhelm.

I too have a large circle of family and friends. People like to be around me, and there's a reason for that.  Even MIL still loves her time speaking and seeing me.  I am pursuing opening a business as well.  And, I got a new kitten and he is so darn cute! 

I do things today that I wouldn't be doing prior to BD, so I will thrive and make the best of everything. 
I've learned to trust God in all of this and to be grateful that I have that level of trust.
Unless God surprises me, I have no plans to ever remarry.

CallingHeart....

[nah]

I have to say, Hero Spouse has been a lifesaver for me for a long time. 

These latest vanisher threads, though, have been exceptionally good.

There are so many incredibly strong woman on this thread.

[beyondblessed]

I didn't say all.  I speak for no one but myself.  I no nothing of anyone else's situation, except what they share, and that hardly qualifies me to pass that kind of judgement.  However, if someone chooses to share how cruelly they are being treated, and they seem complacent to it, I will call them out on that.  Abuse in any situation is plain unacceptable, but what one chooses to allow will continue.

Do you mean me beyonddone. If so, you have absolutely no right. My P is not only in MLC but obviously has a severe problem with his addiction, which I only found out last Friday has been going on for at least 6 or 7 years and not sporadically for the past couple of years which I thought. This in no way justifies his cruel behaviour BUT he is definitely sick and if you were to take the time and look up the side effects you would learn that the awful way he`s been treating me is a typical symptom. Other than that I am absolutely not complacent about what he`s done to me, you have no idea how furious and upset I am on the one hand but on the other I am also very worried about him as I`m probably the only person who is concerned about his well being.

Other than that I am sure that there are many other LBSers here whose spouses or partners have similar addictions and who are also behaving very badly but they are too ashamed to mention it on their threads. I felt that way myself and it took me a hell of a long time before I plucked up the courage to do so.

Try putting yourself in the same position!

Seriously?  What did I just get done saying??  Nowhere was anyone mentioned in my posts.  I do believe though, if you go back and re-rerrad the original post, you will see the word "I". . as always.  I guess though, if you would like to make it fit your situation, I cannot stop you.

[heroIam]

There is a mild flood of sorrow that I feel inside still when I think about it, but I can also keep it from causing me to cycle.  It's as if I can see the sorrow like watching a movie, I can feel it, but I can keep it mild and not allow it to overwhelm

This is interesting CH.  Thanks for posting.  I think I'm slowly learning this about myself too.
Glad to hear you've joined the cat lovers club!     Kittens are the cutest. 

[Thunder]

Well nah, like they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

We're all still around so......