[Shocked]

Happy Mother's Day to my very dear fellow LBSers!!!!!! I know I'm a day late. And no he did not say it to me.
 I need to do a bit of writing. Yesterday was the graduation. My girls saw him briefly. I never saw him or heard from him. I did not reach out to include him or his parents to sit with us. They did not come downstairs for photos. I doubt that he wanted to be with me. I am feeling guilty today. Should I have been more gracious and invited them? Doesn't matter now. This vanisher will be gone now for a long time. That was my chance to see him. I'm sure he's not done cooking as they say. I knew this was a sort of test on how it would be. I am feeling I failed. I wanted to see what he threw away. I know crazy LBS talk!!!! This felt like it's the really over moment. No more connections left. 

[stillbaffled]

Hey now, Shocked.  Go easy on yourself.  I posted on your thread that I am not surprised that your MLCers made no effort to contact you.  I'm not sure what you think you failed at.  He didn't need to talk to you yesterday to know what he threw away.  He knows that.  Right now he won't admit it to himself or anybody else. 

Can you explain why you think that yesterday was the "last" connection you think there is?  Will there not be other events in your daughters' lives that he would possibly be attending? 

The excitement and build up of the day are past.  Some of that is probably contributing to your "funk" today.  Hang in there, Shocked.  You will bounce back.  Keep posting and drawing strength and support from people here who understand some of what you're feeling. 

[bluerose]

      Shocked,
               I wouldnt be so sure about that. I guarantee he probably seen you. I went through this same thing last year at s19' s graduation. I did not invite him and he pressured s19 into inviting him. He sat a few rows directly behind me. Im sure it was to see if i would look at him. I did not give him thr satisfaction. At this point we had nc for over 6 months. I did not talk to him or invite him to be in any pictures. That thought still makes me sad. He kept his distance from me and my family. 3 months after thst he was on my doorstep telling me he wasnt happy and wanted to work things out. He barely even tried for a month and then ran away again. My point to this is anything can happen.

[nah]

You never saw him b/c he knew EXACTLY where you were the entire time.

I would bet my life on it.

You concentrated on your daughter which was perfect.

Way to go!!

[Tyks]

Shocked... I told my ic once that I failed. He said how did you fail? Look at how much you've learned and grown. That is not failure!

Keep your chin up. You did great

[BrenM]

Shocked....He ran away in true MLC form.  Of course he saw you and knew exactly where you were at all times.  Obviously you made an impression because he couldn't face you again....the classic MLC Coward.

[Blondie]

I've just had a text from my H (Vanisher, divorce final any day now), the first text in approx 15 months! He's giving me a 'heads up' that he will need to collect his things from the garage. It's coming up to three years and I've got rid of 90% of his things. When I went to court with him last November, the entire house and garage contents were signed over to me. I think he must be moving into a larger property with OW2 (mid to late twenties). I honestly thought H was too much of a coward to ever contact me again. I've emailed my solicitor for advice as I'm almost certain that when H finds out it's all gone, he will stop paying child maintenance, even though it was arranged with a court order as he's been so difficult with money. This all makes me feel physically ill 😔

[MsMedfly]

Shocked,

There is a HUGE difference in avoiding you and watching, from a distance.  He was watching... oh was he ever....

I think that most vanishers do very little except watch... It's all they are capable of ... They can't do anything BUT watch... They are completely incapable of anything more. Vanishers CANNOT face us. It's much like arm chair quarter backs. They've never played a single down of football but sit back and watch it all, waiting to voice their "professional" opinion.. and when they do, it's nothing but projection and blame... YOU DID GREAT SHOCKED!!! YOU DID NOT FAIL!!! Far from it!!!

Don't worry about losing those connections. Do you really want to be hooked up to something like that??? Remember what you are dealing with now and don't lose sight of the fact that if reconciliation is what the future holds, those connections will be reestablished, when the time comes. You want healthy connections not frayed, busted wires that are completely crossed and causing a short circuit!

Chin up princess or the crown slips!!!

Sending hugs and prayers!

[nah]

Blondie....

Not only does he have nothing to stand on, at this point it's probably an excuse for contact.

It's what vanishers do.

[Nas]

I have an off and on/vanisher.  For the first year we lived 30 minutes from each other and his affair was long distance and he was kind of alternating between off and on and clinger.  15 months after BD, he moved to be with OW and I stopped responding to him so he followed my lead and became more of a vanisher.

I truly don't believe he's watching me at all.  I moved to a new state in November and he doesn't know this area or anyone in this area.  He doesn't talk to anyone who would know what I am up to.  And he can't see any of my social media. 

He lives about 8 hours away now with OW and in all likelihood, we will never be in the same room together ever again.  He hasn't filed for divorce because he claims his new job in his new city are keeping him very busy, but I am filing here in my new state in about a week.

We have no children.  Sometimes (very rarely) he communicates with me about our dog, who currently lives with him.  But he doesn't ask anything about me or my life.  He's really very much in the dark about my daily life and what I'm up to.  And I don't think he has any interest in knowing.