[bluerose]

  Tyks,
        Dont you believe any of the venom he spews at you. Its not true. Its all script. They say it to justify in their mindsthat you deserve this. After thinking all of the negative about us for so long they believe it. They cant see any good in us any more. Their anger comes from them blaming us for everything wrong in their lives is our faults. Dont believe any of it.

[Shelly7435]

Tyks: I am probably not the best to help you but  don't believe the spewing as how he feel about you.  It really is about the way he feels about himself.  Which is really sad if you think about it.  I too feel that way somedays.. but then I remember even after he said he wanted the D.  Which he was sure of... he still called me honey and babe.  Is that someone that really doesn't love you.  People say it a habit.. I don't believe that. I know yours did  this too.  Maybe not exactly the same but something similar.  He hates himself and everything he is doing right now.  He does has not courage to face you because you know him better than he really know himself.  (to me another sad realization our MLCer will have to come to terms with.. someday).

Remember they almost think we are one with them so who better to blame and spew at than us.

I hope that helps... Hugs my cyber friend!  It will someday get better for all of us.

[Tyks]

You guys... (((HUGS))))

My stbx gave me crap the other day for calling him honey. I AM NOT HONEY... I AM FIRSTNAME. So that tells me he feels nothing for me anymore

[Shelly7435]

Sounds more like he is just angry and trying to get you to react b/c he knows it hurts you.  Remember believe only about 1/2 of what you hear and see.  His head is in the fog and he can't see the destruction he is doing. 

It is painful and we have all been there...

I am so sorry you feel this way but I do not think you should take it as he doesn't care... he can't care it would mean he gets what he is doing.  Love doesn't just go away.. Yours didn't even after all the stupid s$$te he has done... and is doing.. Relax and be patient.. I know it is difficult but you are strong. 

[nah]

Me again... I truly am starting to believe that my stbx does not love me anymore. If he loved me at all he would not treat me so poorly. I actually am believing all the spew he says.

I know exactly where you are coming from and you're very brave for expressing your fears.

You are less than one year in.... that's nothing.

My husband had me 100% convinced that I was old, fat, and ugly inside and out.  I drank the Kool-aide.  I believed him.  That's when I was at my lowest.

You know what?  I won't lie, right now he probably doesn't love you, he is dead inside.  This is what p!sses me off the most about MLC.... THEIR insecurities bleed onto us and we accept that it is ours to own.... IT IS NOT!!!

So for today, forget about what he thinks about you.

This is your fake it till you make it stage.  How's that LBS diet going for you?  It was the ONE thing I liked about MLC.... I went down to my pre-pregnancy weight (I'm back up btw,... not that it matters now).

This is the time to buy that new outfit, new shoes, nails, whiten the teeth, and lipstick, I never tried lipstick until I was almost fifty.... who knew how awesome a tube of lipstick can be??      AND please... invest in a good bra, nothing more important than a good bra.

I started to pretend no matter where I went, grocery store, Walmart, it didn't matter I might run into them.  I wanted to look fabulous just in case.  btw--- when I did run into them 6 months ago, I did look fabulous and it was awesome, she looked like she just rolled out of a car crash...lol

Think about your body language.  I started to walk with a purpose, shoulders back, head up, look people in the eyes and smile. 

Shortly after I started to change my outside appearance I was walking across a parking lot at an outside mall.  A mailman in his truck called me over.  "ummm.... excuse me, miss?"  I walked over thinking he was going to ask for directions.

He said, "I just wanted to tell you, you are breathtaking"   

What?  My husband of 28 years just left me because I'm old and used up.  Why is this stranger complimenting me?  I hadn't been hit on in years, why now? 

It's all about attitude baby, it's all in the attitude.

Oh.... just thought of this one.

At a parade about a month later, I was wearing white jeans, wedges, and a light blue tank, I was tanned and toned.  A group of his hockey friends spotted me and started to "cat-call" and then they realized who I was,...lol... wonder if that's when they started to call him stupid.   

[sparklestar]

Nah, I literally love every single post you write. You need to write a book along with 1t and I need you both on speed dial! 

Tyks - my guess is you have been well and truly compartmentalised due to a bit of cognitive dissonance. I'm in that compartment too. I often doubt and wobble (as you well know from my thread recently) it's hard to stop our whiring minds from getting out of hand. I think there is enough on here to start to believe the fog and the non feeling and the MLCrs starting to wake up (the link 1t shared on my thread was invaluable for snippets of MLCrs accounts). Yet I STILL end up thinking 'but maybe my H is different' - I mean come on sparkle's brain gimme a break here!

Nah, Shelley, I too had a 'false hope' when H met my friend and seemed to regret and be trying to work out a way back and for a bit I was a tad too sure of myself only to be royally disappointed. Maybe this is an MLC symptom - an early 'wobble' for them that looks like a return that's then followed by a commitment to what they are doing - running. That's 3 instances on just this thread now.... shows there's weight in the theory that they just have to commit to what they are doing whether they want to or not....

[nah]

Nah, I literally love every single post you write. You need to write a book along with 1t and I need you both on speed dial! 

Haha.... fifty shades of MLC

[Shelly7435]

Nah: I am with sparkle on this one... speed dial..

Sparkle: I just read 1t's post to you.  It was great..

[Tyks]

NAH IS THE BOMB!!!

[nah]

NAH IS THE BOMB!!!

That can't be true.  My husband left me.