Author Topic: My Story Standing on a path I didn't plan...  (Read 7060 times)

Offline MaraTopic starter

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My Story Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« on: May 14, 2017, 12:28:22 PM »
Hi all :)

This is my new thread.
Welcome to follow me, and support me with your wise comments and experiences.

Links to my other threads are
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=7949.msg589000#msg589000
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=7327.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6605.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6408.0
Still standing on this path....doing better, being wiser, and still totally committed to standing for my marriage, husband and family.

Mara <3
« Last Edit: May 14, 2017, 12:31:22 PM by Mara »
I want to believe there's meaning here

Online OffRoad

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2017, 12:47:11 PM »
Continuing on with you on your journey.

When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline Mitzpah

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  • How I long for your precepts! Psalm 119:40
Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2017, 04:52:06 AM »
I am here too  :)
M 56
H 56
S 26
S 24
D 23
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline MaraTopic starter

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2017, 05:54:35 AM »
Yes OR and Mitzpah! Welcome :)
I want to believe there's meaning here

Offline Trustandlove

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2017, 05:59:03 AM »
And me...  I agree with your title, a path I didn't plan, it's spot on...

Offline MaraTopic starter

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2017, 05:25:04 AM »
Nice to see you here T&L

Meanwhile:
I'm dealing with lot of things in my head.
The coming weeks there will be some events of the kids where I and H are invited,but also other family.
Today number one. Son15 has a concert with his trumpetclass.It is the examination for this schoolyear too.

Son did not invite his father, but in the court was decided, I have to give H all chances to let him be part of kids lives.So I sent him an email so now and then to let him know about their activitities.

I feel tensed about being there where h and also my parents will be.
I don t know why, but my allways thinking to fix the tension problem is coming up again. I can not....
And I know, H will let the tension exist, my mother will wisely keep her distance, but I am not at all sure about my dad (he s not happy with h behavior towards me) and I will feel bad.
Son15 was not amused his father is coming.

well so we have some more events and it makes me laying awake during the night.

I think my biggest problem is the two dominant men in my life, my h and my father, who both are there and will not give in. My father will behave himself,I believe so...
He is a Christian man and a pastor, but hey, he s also a father and grandfather seeing the crisis in my h having destructive consequence on his daughter and grandchildren.

So this is what I struggle with....
I am standing for my marriage, but in lot of things dependant om my parents help.Here is my twist.

Well....I cannot fix it...

Mara
I want to believe there's meaning here

Offline MaraTopic starter

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2017, 12:07:19 AM »
Wow, I m so cycling down lately.

H did not even show up on the concert of his son. In a way it made it easier for me, but I felt such anger inside of me.

He did tell in court, he wants to be part of their lives. he s not doing any any effort to contact d17 and s15. I have to tell him every thing about schoolexams, concerts, sportgames...
I do that, also giving him chances to be involved or to get started to be involved.
And he s not even coming. Not even changing his program for seeing his son, supporting him on this big event in his life.
He s just not taking any of us seriously, but blaming me for not doing that.

S15 said to me: I did not miss him, and I do not want him in my life. He s not interested.
Wow, how this hurted me to see this.
FOr h, but also for s15. But I can not blame s15 for protecting himself.

And besides that, the tension I have to deal with, if he is coming or not.... It makes not feeling very good.

Last weeks I m really fighting depression. Not sleeping well, not eating well, working too hard for only just enough money to survive.
Fighting with thoughts of giving up standing.
I am so so tired.
My job helps me in a way, but working in therapy and social work, is also confrontating. Most of the time it distracts me from my own pain, but last week I m confrontated that maybe this is too much for me.
And I m not a quitter....this is why my marriage with h, who was suffering a psychiatric desease from the beginning, last for so long. I simply do not quit. I just go on and make things work.... In my own therapy that has been an issue for a while. I am afraid to let things happen...to let them fall down just like that,,,so other people can see their responsibilities. H never had the responsibility to solve anything, because I always backed it up. In my job people can go on like they want, because I always fill in every empty space, I always make it work....
I am so tired.

First things first. My h can not be my priority now . My kids are. Especially because H is not here too. So me being a single parent  having the both two roles to handle, doing two jobs .... I think that s enough.
I leave h where he choose to be. I can t do any different.

I pray for him daily as I feel I continue to love him. But I also feel other feelings. I think I m finally getting very angry over everything.... I can not really understand why I was not before. It makes no sense showing it to a MLCer. But I have to let it come out. Because I will not survive myself if I don t.
I know myself, my H will not know this.... because even if there was a chance I see or hear him today, I would not let him know I m angry.
What s wrong with me?

I m sorry, this is all spinning in my head, keeping me off my sleep.

But I know God is with me, helping me on my feet again.
My kids are a challenge to me, going through puberty but also being more open to me then ever. I feel this is a gift God is given. The four of us are stronger together then ever.

Thanks for letting me ventilate.


Have to prepare for work. We had a storm last night after a few hot days. So I look forward now to bike to work and feel the wind in my head.

Mara <3
I want to believe there's meaning here

Offline Trustandlove

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2017, 01:39:25 AM »
Keep venting, Mara, we all need to.

I will write more later, just wanted you to know that I'm reading long, and that I get it.

Having them blame us when we know we have behaved blamelessly is horrible.  And being angry about it is OK -- I agree, little point showing it to the MLCer for the most part, but we do need to get it out. 

xx

Offline kikki

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2017, 04:28:53 PM »
I'm so sorry he is continuing to let you all down Mara. This is sadly exactly what all MLCers seem to do.
Demand the earth and then blame us when they fail in their responsibilities. 
MLC and MLCers tend to make zero sense.

You have been amazingly patient with him and your family's rock.
A bit of anger is timely.
XX

Offline MaraTopic starter

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Re: Standing on a path I didn't plan...
« Reply #9 on: May 21, 2017, 10:51:12 AM »
Went to church this morning where afterwards someone asked how I m feeling lately.
Wow, this was the wrong question, tears coming out and not stopping at all....

Now, a few hours later, I feel it relieved me a lot.

It has to come, these tears, only rather not on public places  ???

I want to believe there's meaning here

 

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