Author Topic: My Story "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne  (Read 8521 times)

Offline SupermanTopic starter

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My Story "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« on: July 02, 2017, 07:29:24 PM »
Link to previous thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8608.0

Well I've been busy for a couple weeks and come back to find my thread gone...hummm  :o ::)

Well time for an update I suppose....

Today I has been quite a day...XW nephew blessed his baby today and personally called and invited me to participate. So I went. Their family basically was late and missed the event. I was sad and stunned. Afterward the meetings was a family gathering of sorts to which XW told me she wasn't going as she had something else planned, so I decided to go since she wouldn't be there. While there I spoke with FIL for a little while and he told me that later today he was being called to serve as a counselor in his ward (congregation). I found it a little strange that he never actually invited me to go to that, so I didn't. I ended up dropping the kids off at XW's and then going home. Well the kids arrived home later, and D15 came in my room and was talking and sitting by me which doesn't happen often. After a while she told me that XW went to the DR today because she had lost a baby on Friday and her hormones were still out of control. I was floored. Stunned.

D15 continued to talk to me about it as I tried to absorb what she was saying. She told me that no one else knew about it but her and I was not to say anything about it. I still am just shocked. My thoughts are all over the place...XW and I lost 2 children pre birth..and it has been very difficult to say the least. Then my thoughts went to how XW has given up her children, can't care for herself really at all....Like I am stunned.

A week or so ago, D15 called me to come and help XW with her car that was leaking antifreeze in a store parking lot. XW never said a word to me, it was crazy really. I diagnosed the problem and helped and they were on their way. The next day when she dropped the kids off at my house, she didn't drive away like she normally does, but rather stayed outside by her car doing something. A few minutes later, S18 came in asking for my help again with the car. Of course I helped again. Unreal She never said thank you or anything. It's a very strange feeling to help someone that tries to hard to acknowledge you even exist, yet still keeps coming back for help. I have heard that XW nephew and GF are moving and XW has to find somewhere to live..She looked an apartment in here in the town me and the kids live..this after telling anyone that will listen to her how much she hates this town and everything about it the last 5 years. I don't think it went anywhere as she hasn't moved yet. I think she is starting to see that the real world is really expensive and takes a lot of work. I was told she also signed up for food stamps as well. That really bothers me too..here is a woman that makes $3k+ a month, seems to travel at will, helps support some foreign alien, hasn't helped with her kids basically in 5 years, and now is receiving assistance.. just crazy. Just reading this as I type it blows my mind. 

So back to my thread title....This message is more for myself and GOD than it is for anyone else. After hearing this news, my mind raced off to the dark side where I have struggled with the thoughts that the only way I am going escape this nightmare is to end my own life.  I'm trying to convince myself to not give up on me now. I'm trying to look at all the good thats in my life and how I have been blessed by all my hard work, good choices, and staying true to being a good father and person. Somehow MLC continues to pull me in...instead of letting me go....

Another unbelievable day closer to something....

(PS if some mod that is tech savvy will link my previous thread that disappeared...that would be nice)
« Last Edit: July 02, 2017, 07:40:51 PM by xyzcf »

Offline Never say never

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Re: "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2017, 07:42:56 PM »
Superman, I don't know you ... I have never followed your thread ... but I had to read this twice.  I can't believe my eyes.  Are you kidding me?  Do you really have thoughts like that?  Please, think about what you are saying.  Imagine what your kids have been through ... already.  Would you even think of putting them through something so tragic?? 

You are the only parent your kids have now.  You have a responsibility.  Yes, you have been dealt a crap hand, I know that ... we all know that ... but you have been put here for a reason.  You are the special person that needs to have the strength right now to get through this.

I know, sometimes we want to be the weak ones and have someone take care of us.  I think we all know that.  But God IS THERE WITH YOU.  When you can't walk any longer, please ask God to carry you.  He will be there with you.

Keep posting here, Superman.  We will get through this one day at a time.

Online strongFaith34

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Re: "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2017, 07:51:09 PM »
You are a strong father and good role model for your kids, yes what your wife is doing hurts but there are more important relationships to worry about, one day your situation will change, you may find someone new, your kids will be grown up, married, have kids of their own and they will have you to thank for being the strong parent for them. Let your wife run around like a teenager, connect yourself with prayer and God and be less dependent on people like your wife

Online xyzcf

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Re: "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2017, 07:52:36 PM »
Hi Superman,

I linked your last thread to this new one. I think that the reason it was moved was because it had reached 15 pages.

You have had a shock today...really, to have your teenage daughter tell you that your xw had lost a child.....that is really hard.

I am surprised how things can still drag us down, even years and years later. I think that the connection we had with our spouse, somehow doesn't let us completely detach...I cannot seem to be able to although I am better than I once was.

One of the things that I have thought deeply about, is that life includes suffering as well as good times. But we do take the good times without given them much thought, the sufferings we really try and avoid and it is difficult to embrace something that hurts so badly.

Today, at mass, the choir sang about the beatitudes. Matthew 5:3-10
He said:

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I am grateful for the times when I feel ok...when I smile, find something joyful, have peace in my life..but dealing in any way shape or form with a MLCer knocks us off our place of safety...BUT IT IS ONLY FOR A WHILE, IT IS NOT CONTINUOUS although at times it feels that way.

The best thing that I have found that works for me is to not know anything at all about his life (but then my mind still makes up crazy thoughts) but with younger children, that option is not really easy for you.

Perhaps you can start by saying no to her when she has a "problem"...she can find some other way to get her car fixed. Limiting contact has really helped me to get stronger and find more peace. But it is hard to do.

I hope you feel better after some rest. Take care Superman!
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline beyondblessed

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Re: "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2017, 08:02:51 PM »
Superman......you've made it so far, too far to throw it all away on something as meaningless and trivial as MLC.  You are responsible for YOU and your kids.....no one else.  You've done an amazing job keeping it all together, and no, it's not fair that life has placed this burden solely on you, but you've managed and even done great things in the midst of this madness.  You need to sit back and look at all you've done.  You are the one who took charge and made sure it all got done.  We never know what our future holds, but we do know who hold our future, and that's God.  He will be your rock, so lean on Him.  Your kids need you, this world needs you.  Have faith my friend, it will see you through.

Offline ForBetterOrWorse

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Re: "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2017, 08:26:46 PM »
Hi superman,
I am new to your thread.
I am only 9 months into this since BD but I have been in that dark place as well. I had a friend get me out of that dark spot once when he said that ending your life is a violent act against the people you would leave behind. He is right. I could not imagine me inflicting that kind of violence on my children.

What you were put through today, sucks. I can only imagine how horrible that must feel but the pain is temporary. It WILL pass. You have no control over XW. BUT you do have control over you! Clearly you have been a good father who stepped up to the plate in the middle of a horrible crisis. Your children love you and need you. Hang in there, you CAN and WILL get through this for you and your children. The hard work and good choices you have made will help you through this.
Patience - The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
Perspective - The capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance.

My Story: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9434.0

Offline living with Hope

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Re: "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2017, 07:41:55 AM »
Oh my!
My heart aches for you and for your daughter.   She has been through so much and for her to know navigate this too...

No words to describe this journey and how it changes/shapes all that it touches.

I am sending BIG HUGS to you all.  I wish I had something I could say to take this pain away.
Mentor - Phoenix

Online xyzcf

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Re: "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2017, 11:52:52 AM »
How is it going today Superman?
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline in it

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Re: "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2017, 02:32:50 PM »
I was so very sorry to read you are struggling.

Those dark thoughts are a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Please think of your children and the message it may send to them.

You are a very kind, capable, caring man.  Maybe let your kids know that you are all done helping her so if she has problems again please do not contact you and drag you into it. Have them call a garage or Triple A. I know it isn't easy to put "no" in your vocabulary but it is necessary.

No more helping with her car or anything else. You have enough on your plate.

She may be the mother of your children? She appears to be pretty ungrateful to me. Not even a thank you from her.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline SupermanTopic starter

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Re: "Don't Give up on me". Brian Dunne
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2017, 08:41:29 PM »
Thank you all for your kind words and support. A few years ago when this broke out and I caught her with the young kid..I thought that this might occur. I just never wanted to believe that this would be a real possibility or remotely have a chance of happening.  I think one of the positives in all this...is that there really isn't much more me and the kids are going to have to face. Honestly the last 5 years I think we have gone through a couple lifetimes of challenges and problems. While I am heart broken, saddened, and stunned...I'm blessed.  I think the most frustrating thing is how XW has involved D15 in this newest mess...almost making XW problem D15's problem. I can't stand that. Seriously...it was only a few months ago my amazing D15 nearly ended her life because of all of this...she is just barely starting to get her feet back on solid ground...then this....Blam....nightmare.

Here is something interesting too....funny how God's timing works...today my boss informed me that he wants to change my job again and give me more responsibility as our company is exploding. I will be now running 4 locations...the 4 locations are probably the busiest locations in the world in our industry. 3 are pretty close together that I am very familiar with and help operate already, one is about 3.5 hour drive away and is pretty busy. The change will keep me very busy. I'll have 150 employees and responsible for nearly 10 million dollars annually in revenue. 

Life continues on...keep swimming...keep surviving...keep moving forward.  I am so thankful each and everyday that I am not in XW place...I have no idea how she can live with herself and her decisions. It is crazy to see how far and fast she has fallen..with no end in sight. Its going to take me a little while to process this newest turn of events. But just like all the other things I have endured...I'm sure I will endure this too. I can't wait to see and feel the happiness that life can offer to balance out this absolute misery....


Another day closer to something.....


 

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