Author Topic: My Story MLC - 32 going on 14  (Read 7332 times)

Online gman242

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My Story Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #40 on: July 20, 2017, 09:38:42 AM »
80's, I was just saying in my thread somewhere about getting hit on (casually) by a girl who worked at the mall last time I was there. There's a reason those people take those jobs.. They like being seen and they like having access to other people. There are service processionals, don't get me wrong... but you get a lot of "types" who get in around booze, late work hours, patrons and tips..

Anyway, don't believe anything she says.. I'd just assume the worst and make peace with it now and then don't ask if you don't want to know the answer. Even if you did, she'd lie.. so it's pointless.

If she tried to hurt you, it's because of the guilt and shame, she wants you to freak out and be the one to tell her it's quits. Mine even said literally, she wishes I'd hate her guts and never speak to her again.

A real estate license is relatively easy to get, however yeah, one sale isn't going to change that. It's work.. surprise!! I'd guard yourself financially, if you haven't already.

You have to realize it's a sickness she's in right now. I went through my own MLT and was abused, like W as a child and I have PTSD. So it was really easy for me to compare notes and let it go. Yes, my W has been with several OM and it doesn't bother me. While I never cheated on her, I had plenty of validation sex in my day and I was addicted to porn for a while. What hurts me more is her mistaken thinking that it's punishing me for her unhappiness and how awful, degraded, lost, guilty and shameful she must feel underneath it all. She could choose help, but she's not ready to right now..
« Last Edit: July 20, 2017, 09:43:02 AM by gman242 »

Offline 80GeoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #41 on: July 20, 2017, 10:45:58 AM »
You are spot on about the people who take these jobs. At best they suffer from low self esteem and need the constant attention. Of course that doesnt mean all of them, but the vast majority.

I'm already to the point where I try not to believe anything she says. If nothing else it's kind of an emotional shield. Trouble is that shield isnt always instant, and the verbiage has to roll around a bit before I can settle on how to file it. While its rolling, it causes damage.

Mine doesn't say things like that. Says that she thinks we can be the best of friends and that we should be exited to explore new opportunities.

I'm divorced already. No direct avenue for her to cause financial impact. Only if I allow it to happen. Se the storage unit posts in my last thread.

I can't speak to the difficulty of obtaining a real estate licence but I'll assume that it's like most other licences and not to difficult to get, but then what? If it worked the way she's thinking then we'd all be going for a real estate licence

If this had just been an afair, a one night stand in a moment of weakness or something of the like, we'd be well on our way to recovery. Trouble is that I don't now and may never know just what this is.

Already just in this post I've shown at least 2 examples of her spectrum. Sometimes she can hit them both in the same conversation.

In my head I'm comparing the MLCer to one of those new fidget spinners that are all the craze now. Endless kinetic and ballistic energy bound to a pivot with some really great ball bearings. Give one a flick and moves around forever it seems. When it stops though, it's still right back where it started. All that energy wasted.
Married 11/05/05
BD 1/13/17
Moved out with kids 4/6/17
D Final 6/20/17
DONE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9-bTdvgyV4

Online gman242

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Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #42 on: July 20, 2017, 11:07:14 AM »
Quote
Mine doesn't say things like that. Says that she thinks we can be the best of friends and that we should be exited to explore new opportunities.

I will say, what mine said about wishing I would hate her, was a rare moment of honesty. I must just have one of those clingers.. to her, it's some kind of vacation. She'll come home and tell me what do with the carpet, room colors etc, like she still lives there and she's just going to come home one day..

But!!! ^ that right there is MLC in a nutshell man.. at least for the clingers. If she said what she said to hurt you, that's why she did it. You may be divorced, but she's not done by a long shot. That's why they say divorce isn't the end with an MLC. It's easier to make you mad and shut down contact that it is for her to move on, because deep down, she doesn't want to.

You'll then ask "then why won't she fix this?" and I don't have the answer, we're all grappling with that. We just hope they'll wake up one day.

Good you're protected financially! It's common when people are unhappy or stuck to come up with get rich quick schemes or driving around in a van camping their life away fantasies. That's all they are..

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #43 on: July 20, 2017, 06:45:45 PM »
Geo - I hope you have some fun planned for YOU for Saturday and Sunday.  Get on that!   ;)
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline 80GeoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #44 on: July 21, 2017, 08:28:31 AM »
I do! Saturday will be a hiking day, and Sunday I am playing disc golf with my BIL, er um XBIL that is. Yes, the one who is married to the little sister I am accused of having an affair with.
Married 11/05/05
BD 1/13/17
Moved out with kids 4/6/17
D Final 6/20/17
DONE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9-bTdvgyV4

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #45 on: July 21, 2017, 07:29:27 PM »
Excellent plans.  Now enjoy yourself! 
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline 80GeoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #46 on: July 22, 2017, 05:00:57 AM »
Wow so I just got a text from xw showing off her new haircut....she is trying soooooo to be 17 again. I see how the aging thing goes for some MLCers and hell even us "normal" folk don't like aging...but dang! I'm 36 about to be 37 and she turns 32. Both of us could pass for under 30 no problem, her even more so. This stuff is nasty.


Married 11/05/05
BD 1/13/17
Moved out with kids 4/6/17
D Final 6/20/17
DONE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9-bTdvgyV4

Offline MoreWillBeRevealed

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Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #47 on: July 24, 2017, 01:13:18 AM »
Hope you had a great weekend and the transition to home with the kids wasn't so bad. My S6 is very hyper when he returns from Xh's.

Though I am D I still feel deep empathy and love for XH. I just don't find him appealing anymore in the least and the betrayal and MLC abuse has totally turned me off to ever wanting him back. Like your XW, it's like dealing with a teenager.

About the bartending and service industry, I was a waitress and bartender for a time but because I needed the money during and right after college. I will say, though, I did get off a little on the attention from the male customers. I'd have regulars who swooned over me and tipped me well.
« Last Edit: July 24, 2017, 01:16:05 AM by MoreWillBeRevealed »
M 4 years, together 7 1/2 years
Me 47
H 49
2014-2016: H withheld sex, love, affection, touch 100% of time.
BD1:07/20/16 "I'm not attracted to you anymore"--kicked H out and hasn't been back.
BD2: 10/17/16 OW, an ex-fiancee and an affair-down, confirmed.
Legal Separation: 10/27/16
Divorce Started: 12/2/16--I'm DONE!
Divorced 6/28/17

"I am not a one in a million kind of girl. I am a once in a lifetime kind of woman."

Offline 80GeoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #48 on: July 24, 2017, 06:53:05 AM »
Hey MWB, it was and the transition went OK as well. I didn't get to do what I set out to, but it was a good time anyway. I found out on Saturday night one of my good friends in finally engaged! The guy is in his early 50's and has been a life long bachelor. It was kind of surreal though. This is the first time since all of this started that I've encountered someone going in to a new relationship. While I was able to put on a happy face for them, in my head all I could hear was "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen. Shameful I know, but that's what this garbage has done to my line of thinking.

Quote
Though I am D I still feel deep empathy and love for XH. I just don't find him appealing anymore in the least and the betrayal and MLC abuse has totally turned me off to ever wanting him back. Like your XW, it's like dealing with a teenager.

^I can mirror this statement, except deep down I still feel a severe longing for my old wife. I would have to fight myself very hard not to drop everything and take her back with wide open arms right now, even though I know it wouldn't be real.

Sorry I should have used more measured language when talking about being a bartender/waitress. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having either of those positions as a career/job. I was still very much in my feelings when I made what was a blanket type statement that labeled an entire industry, one which is very much needed, as people with self esteem issues. The statement I did make very much applies to my XW, outside of her it really shouldn't matter to me who is where doing what or why they are. Hell at this point it shouldn't matter to me about her, but it does. I meant no offense to any future, current, or former food service industry employees. 
Married 11/05/05
BD 1/13/17
Moved out with kids 4/6/17
D Final 6/20/17
DONE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9-bTdvgyV4

Offline Thunder

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Re: MLC - 32 going on 14
« Reply #49 on: July 24, 2017, 07:08:12 AM »
Geo,

That is one thing that has jaded me, too.

When I go to a wedding now and hear people taking their vows..I think yeah right,,,for how long?
It's a terrible way to feel.  I wish them happiness but you know?...

Guess that feeling may change but for now that's how I honesty think. 

"Til death do us part..."  ?? ::)

My bad
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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