Author Topic: My Story Love and Memories  (Read 5737 times)

Offline Reallytrying

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My Story Re: Love and Memories
« Reply #140 on: June 07, 2018, 09:06:23 PM »
Wish I could make it all easier for you my friend. This just all firetrucking sucks.

Offline Onward

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Re: Love and Memories
« Reply #141 on: June 08, 2018, 12:20:20 AM »
Ahhh, HP, you are struggling with this because it makes no sense, your family matters to you, your heart and your head don't always agree and you are beautifully human. Ditto what RT said, and big hug to you.
"and though she be but little, she is fierce" - Shakespeare

Offline Treasur

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Re: Love and Memories
« Reply #142 on: June 08, 2018, 12:41:38 AM »
Because you're human, HP, and change is hard - especially unwanted change. And the burglary probably triggered a whole bunch of feelings and fears too.
I've found it helpful in slogging through this to go easy with myself and separate the need to know/feel what I feel from the need to do anything with it or judge it as good or bad.
Let yourself feel the emotions until you look at them with a kind observer's eye...sort of saying 'oh look, I'm feeling those sad feelings again or the angry ones or the frightened ones', but release yourself from having to do anything with them other than see them and accept the ok-ness of feeling as you do.
Strangely, the more I did this, the clearer view I found crept up on me about what - if anything - I needed to do in response and the quicker my cycle time gets from falling over to sanding up again. Recovery is not a race, HP.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline heroIam

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Re: Love and Memories
« Reply #143 on: June 08, 2018, 08:13:49 AM »
Hi HP.
I guess at some point this all just gets tiring.
I'm so sorry you are feeling agitated and I also wish I could say something to make it all better.
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline handpuppetsTopic starter

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Re: Love and Memories
« Reply #144 on: June 11, 2018, 03:56:26 PM »
Hero: There are points in this journey where I am just weary which only adds to the pile when I'm cycling. No need to make it all better. I'm grateful for your (and everyone else's) support.

Treasur: I think I'm trying to discern between honoring my feelings and trying to not get stuck in them. There are days when I feel super stuck and that is frustrating. I know that I still carry a lot of anger but I'm not sure where to park it or how to let it go along with being able to find/see a suitable replacement energy source.

Also, there was a point when I was able to detach fully when he was with OW2 (it took almost a year but I got there) but I haven't reached that place yet with OP. I know it's a doomed relationship but I get tied up sometimes moreso the longer they are together. I wish I could just shut off my brain at times.

RT/Onward: <3
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” -Anne Lamott

Offline moc

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Re: Love and Memories
« Reply #145 on: June 11, 2018, 06:58:03 PM »
I wish I could just shut off my brain at times.

If you figure out how to do this, let me know.  I too am pretty detached but the brain keeps working.  Take care!
M: 47
W: 45
S15 & S11 [from MLCer1]
BD#1: 9/2017
BD#2: 11/2017
no D filed, not seeking action at this time
Separated: 12/2017
OM: EAs up to at least 5 now.  Not sure on PAs.

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Love and Memories
« Reply #146 on: June 13, 2018, 10:05:58 AM »
I have found that yoga really helps with the monkey brain. The science behind how yoga actually retrains your brain is fascinating. 
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline The lighthouse

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Re: Love and Memories
« Reply #147 on: June 21, 2018, 11:19:19 PM »
Sending love HP X
M 1992
BD June 2011
Still with OW - No legal action

I am the lighthouse. I don't go out into the storm after the ship.  The ship finds me.


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