[Shocked]

Those are good points Pass, then is there a correlation between how long they stay in replay vs vanishers, clinger, boomerang? Is vanishers replay longer because no one sees them? When does the shame or guilt start? All of replay?

[nah]

Well, most of this is just a guessing game, right?  Nobody can see what's going on in their heads except the MLCer themselves, and even if they come back they are often closed up about the time they were gone.

My best guess is the shame and guilt is from day one.  Heck, my MLCer wrote to me just a few weeks later admitting his feelings of guilt.  Remember, guilt is selfish, it's about them and how they feel, not at all about how we feel.

I do have some interactions with my vanisher and I still see the shame and guilt even though I have mostly been kind and/or bit my tongue many many times. 

Lately our interactions have dwindled again,... Why?  Well, he's getting married, I think maybe even today, so his guilt and shame is increasing, time to avoid Nah again.  Oh, he will be back once the wedding is done. 

As for the replay being longer or shorter.... timelines again is all about them.  From what I see on this forum over the years, the quick returners are very often not done, so let the vanishers do what they need to do, we are better off with them cooking far away from us.

[Still Half full]

I'm following, these threads help so much,

My MLC hider is still hiding, I think guilt and shame are his closest companions. I wonder if he thinks they will just go away if he hides long enough 🙄

I hope you're all doing ok 😊

[stillbaffled]

I have the vanisher that married the OW. 

Like SHF, I also wonder if my MLCer thinks that guilt and shame will go away if he hides long enough. 

Nah - sending you a cyber hug today as I read on your thread that The Leaver married the girl today.  Thinking of you, friend. 

[BrenM]

 

Like SHF, I also wonder if my MLCer thinks that guilt and shame will go away if he hides long enough. 

Yes I really think that is what they think.  If they hide, act happy, "move on" all will be good....unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

[Snowdrop]

Are vanishers more likely to get married?

Just wondering, how many on here have their vanishers married to the AP??

Mine did.  Announced it out of the blue that he had "moved on".  Met and married OW in a matter of a few weeks, because they were soulmates

Worked wonders in helping me detach!

[Snowdrop]

Bren - great minds think alike - both typing about "moving on" at exact same time.....aaaaahhhhh the golden MLC cop out words "moving on"

[BrenM]

Bren - great minds think alike - both typing about "moving on" at exact same time.....aaaaahhhhh the golden MLC cop out words "moving on"

Snowdrop....you have no idea how much I hate that term.  In one of my rants to my SIL on Thursday, I told her it was like telling a Cancer Patient that everything will be fine....ouch and very uncompassionate of me...but how can people say such cliche sayings...grrrrr.  😜

[Snowdrop]

you have no idea how much I hate that term

Me too and I can still hear him as he announced it over the phone after weeks of not hearing a word from him, "Yep, I've moved on, I got married!  Aren't you going to wish me congratulations?".  

Such a dismissive term which doesn't acknowledge any of the previous events or pain caused.  Yep, moving on, as if nothing wrong and why not.  As for the "aren't you going to wish me congratulations", there are no words.  MLC maybe?

[BrenM]

Hell yes....I would've saluted him with the middle finger.....they are totally bonkers!!!!