[bluerose]

       Lulu,
           My h started pushing the kids to meet his ow shortly after they moved in together last year. My boys are 22 and 19. I know the 19 year old has met it and he cant stand it. Im not sure if s22 has. He refuses to talk about it.
       Now my daughter is 12, soon to be 13, and i had it in the court order that she is not allwed to be around the ow. H has went against the order 2 times. I filed a complaint against him each time and he hasnt done it since. I kinda hope he does. I want him to get in trouble.
    When d12 was at his house with her she put on the good act of how wonderful and nice she is. When s19 was at the house the ow got in his face and began to lecture him about spending more time with his father. S19 told hef to shut the firetruck up and she backed off. She told d12 how pretty she thought her mother was. She then bashed me in front of s19. I told d12 about this so she would know how fake this b!tc# is and not to believe their lies.
        I know that i cant keep her away from the ow forever but i will fight to do so as often as i can.
       The ow has a 13 year old son woth aspergers. H told me that he was borderline retarded. I dont know who is telling the truth. H told me a year ago how much he cant stand her kid and told s19 a few months ago the exact same thing. D12 told me that in the little time she has spent with the 3 of them , 2 to 3 hours, that they treat this kid like he isnt a human being. Those were d12's exact words. What bothers me is if they allow each other to treat her son this way how are they going to treat my daughter?
     I know how much this hurts and i know how much we all love our children. Fight for them as much as you can.

[BrenM]

When will the drama cease - the man I knew so well, that would always walk-a-way from confrontation.  Who is he now?  When will he force himself from the tunnel....enough is enough....


I caught up with my SIL yesterday - My ExH's brothers wife.   Whilst at her house her daughter (our god daughter) asked me if her Mother had told me of the recent incidents?  She then continued to explain.  Our niece is a single mother who works at a Pub/bar/Bistro/nightclub.  She supports her son single handedly and so relies on her job to support them both.

Approx 4 weeks ago my EH and the Slore came into the bistro where Kayla was working.  They approached her and requested a table for 2.  It was an extremely busy night, and there were no tables available.  Kayla politely advised them that there were no available tables for approx 1-1.5 hours.  The Slore then continued to yell abuse at Kayla, accusing her of disliking her because she was with her uncle.  She once again made a huge scene, apparently my EH also joined in on the abusive conversation making accusations and quite the scene. Kayla then excused herself to check with her supervisor.  The supervisor then handled the situation and told them both that there were no tables available, but were welcomed to leave a mobile number and they would phone them when a table became available.   They declined and went on their way.

Two weeks ago Kayla was working behind the bar in the nightclub section.  The Slore who was obviously extremely intoxicated went up to Kayla to order drinks.  Kayla refused service due to the Slores intoxication level  - in Australia every bar person has a duty of care for serving alcohol to introxicated patrons and must refuse service - they can be fined if they do so.  Well another commotion.  Lots of yelling and abuse in front of many many people. EH came to the defence of the Slore again, very agressively apparently, yelling and swearing.  Kayla commented how his pupils where bursting out of his head, so we are unsure if he was intoxicated or High.  The nightclubs bouncers escorted them from the premises, whilst both of them threw verbal insults everywhere.  Not a good look.  She seems to throw a hissy fit whenever things dont go her way.  And she is a professional lady - a real estate agent.  She is just toxic.   She is one damaged soul.....ever more damaged than me!

I was appalled.  My Eh would never act in such a manner.  Who is he now?  Our poor niece could've lost her job due to the situations he put her in.  Her only form of income.

This just concretes further how out of control his life is spiralling. He is lost. He is always coming to the defence of the Slore....she is definitely an addiction to him.   All I can do is pray that he wakes up soon.  It just breaks my heart.  Something is dreadfully wrong with him.....  I cannot do anything but sit back and watch.  This is the hardest thing I have ever endured.  December will be 3 years since BD, I pray that some change occurs soon.

[bluerose]

      How awful to do that to your niece. What is wrong with these guys? Im praying for you to bren and every one else on here.

[BrenM]

Blue it just breaks my heart.  This is his god-daughter, dare say his Brother is not impressed.  He let the Slore do this to his daughter too on numerous occasions.  They really do not care about anything!  I have come to that conclusion.  There is nothing we can do or say that will wake them up.  That is the scary part.  The emotional rollercoaster ride we and their families are subjected to is awful.

All we can do is protect ourselves and our kids and let the process unfold.  I am really relying on the 3 year mark to see some change....nothing drastic just some change.... I still believe in the process and know there is hope.

[ChrissYAH]

Bren that is disgusting! I believe they're possessed the way they think and carry on! my x had his ow run a nail across my daughters car and rip a big chunk out of her tyre.

[nah]

Personally I think the best way to handle a bully is to ignore.  They want a reaction.

In the early days, the Leaver tried to blame me for everyone "hating" him, I zipped my lips and shrugged my shoulders, hey buddy I haven't even talked to those people. 

It took about two years before I heard the stories, as I just dropped out of sight.

[BrenM]

Personally I think the best way to handle a bully is to ignore.  They want a reaction.

Definitely agree...she is insignificant and will hang herself.  I just cannot justify EH's condonement of this behaviour in public to members of his family.  I think I know what she is doing....but surely he sees through it?

[nah]

Well of course he won't admit there is anything wrong with her behavior ESPECIALLY if the angry bitter ex wife reacts.

What if the ex wife doesn't care?

What if friends, family, acquaintances, strangers notice but the ex wife doesn't seem to notice bc her own life is more interesting than their pathetic drama?

That, my friends, is paving the way if you care, or even better, just living the best life you can live.

[stillbaffled]

Wow, Bren.  Your MLCer really cut loose with some nasty, crazy behavior.   

Does your MLCer's brother even talk to him at this point? 

Living the best life we can - that's exactly what I'm trying to do, Nah.  Good advice.  Thanks. 

[BrenM]

Wow, Bren.  Your MLCer really cut loose with some nasty, crazy behavior.   

Does your MLCer's brother even talk to him at this point? 

Still - his behaviour is the complete opposite to who he is.  I guess like all of our Mlcer's.   I am really worried it is substance abuse - drugs/steroids etc.   "She" seems to start everything with people.  They are both really aggressive.

My H's Brother is really concerned, H has abused both of his brothers kids.  His son says that his uncle is dead to him after the last incident.  My H hasn't contacted any of his family since just before Christmas last year.  He has distanced himself from everyone.

Well of course he won't admit there is anything wrong with her behavior ESPECIALLY if the angry bitter ex wife reacts.

What if the ex wife doesn't care?

Nah I do not react....well not that he knows.  I get told things on the grapevine.  I have not had any contact with my H for awhile.  We have detached since the March incident.

I do care, but I keep it to myself or my children.