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Poll

How long ago was BD?

Less than 6 months?
5 (7.8%)
6-12 months?
6 (9.4%)
1-2 years?
13 (20.3%)
2-3 years?
12 (18.8%)
3-4 years?
8 (12.5%)
4-5 years?
8 (12.5%)
More than 5 years?
12 (18.8%)

Total Members Voted: 64

Voting closed: November 28, 2017, 03:59:21 AM

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Author Topic: Discussion LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?

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Discussion Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#20: November 01, 2017, 01:31:17 AM
I wonder how long it took most of us to find this site? Took me well over a year. Would have helped me to find it earlier, even if it changed nothing in what happened
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


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Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#21: November 01, 2017, 05:20:37 AM
BD was over six years ago - almost seven. I found this site within the first month.

I also found RMM at the same time.

I am sure both sites helped me immensely as I have a strong rational (need to know) side to me with a firm faith in God.

Totally convinced that nothing would have changed what happened - just more serenity for me.
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M 61
H 61
S 31
D 28
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

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Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#22: November 01, 2017, 06:08:43 AM
BD for me was july 16, 2015..he met this OW in may of 2015 and he was already "in love" with her and had to be with her..  so I am at the 2.5 year mark now..

He has been living a full and open life with OW for 2 years now, friends know and have accepted, His family and her family know and are accepting of it.. everyone knows that we are not divorced which makes it that much harder for me..there are times I feel like I am the butt of their inside joke..

I found this site a few months ago, so I had already made every mistake in the book, would finding this site earlier made a difference ? I will never know..

Do I feel in my heart that my marriage is completely over? yes
Do I want a divorce ? no
why do I not want a divorce? my vows said til death do us part
Do I feel my H will at some point say he wants a divorce? yes

I can say that I am still all over the place, I cycle like crazy and I cry everyday.. yes, 2.5 years later I still cry everyday.. the pain of what my H has done is that deep and I do not believe that I will ever heal from it. I loved him that much and still do...

My life now is basically living one day at a time. I have family and friends, and they fill the days.. but there is an emptiness in me..I do have times of happiness, I do laugh, I am in good health, I am ok financially... but I know I will never be in a relationship again. I gave my heart to my H and it really doesn't matter if he doesn't want it, it is still his...

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Me-55
H - 55
Adult D- 35
Married 37 yrs. married 33 yrs at time of BD
date of BD  2015
OW- YES, 36 yr old with a 7yr old
H- moved out of our home in  2015 & moved in with OW
H- says doesnt want divorce, wants long term separation. doesnt know what the future holds.
 H- has introduced OW to his family and visits them often with OW.
 H- has introduced OW to a few of our friends.
 Entering 2018. H has not filed for divorce.
He is still living with OW
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Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#23: November 01, 2017, 07:15:48 AM
Let's see...

BD1 Aug 2015 so more than 2 years ago
Atomic BD - 13 December 2015 so less than 2 years ago.....

Changes started WAY before that though... March/April 2015 if not earlier...
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Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 17, D - 13
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
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Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#24: November 01, 2017, 08:35:19 AM
UM, I think they all start earlier than the actual bd date.
I guess it's the denial and anger stage.  Their confused and unhappy and looking for reasons...then the find YOU and bd happens.
I saw my H changing for about a year before bd.

Treasur, I found another site a few months after bd but it closed down and I found this one about a year after bd.
Both good sites and they helped me understand what was going on.
No, it doesn't change anything but at least you don't feel so alone.

Waiting, I feel the same way.  If my XH and I broke it off I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.  I'd just stay single and on my own.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
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Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#25: November 01, 2017, 12:08:33 PM
Waiting was like you wrote. My post for me in exactly same way and same time frame x
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Married 11 July 2005
been together 18 years
BD 3 august 2015
moved out to live with OW 3 august 2015
No children
H has vanished no contact
living in home he is paying half At the moment
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Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#26: November 01, 2017, 01:11:32 PM
I know we are not supposed to analyze everything, but why do we start the clock at BD? H really took a nose dive into the MLC pool in March when he bedded OW, but he was emotionally freaking out 2 weeks before IT was ever in the picture.
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One who abandoned : 43
Married: 19, Together: 20
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BD: May 6, 2017
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Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#27: November 01, 2017, 01:26:48 PM
BD was June 2015. H moved out oct 2015. He left right after 28 year anniversary. I haven't seen any movement. He is still proceeding with divorce. It's been about 2.5 years. He still monsters by email every once in a while. I let go right away. I don't let him know that anything about me. He picks up and drops off daughter. Never looks my way. He has know interest in me at all.
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Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#28: November 01, 2017, 01:53:01 PM
Quote from: Thunder on November 01, 2017, 08:35:19 AM
UM, I think they all start earlier than the actual bd date.

They do. BD is not the beginnig of MLC, just when we may become aware of it, or more aware something is not right.

MLC can start way before BD. For Mr J, I think it started around June 2005.

Treasur, there was no HS when BD happened to me and to several others.
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Re: LBS Stages: How long ago was BD for you?
#29: November 02, 2017, 09:30:11 PM
I guess that's a reminder, Anjae, how lucky we are that this site exists. It hasn't saved my M or my H, but it has saved my sanity more than once.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg
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