Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Life in a way-3  (Read 5650 times)

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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My Story Reconnecting Life in a way-3
« on: November 02, 2017, 06:43:20 AM »
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful birthday wishes from my last thread!   ;D

I like to start my threads with a song. 

Here's one for all the LBS's: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1lDPE_Ofro

Old thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9162.0
« Last Edit: February 12, 2018, 08:30:44 PM by OldPilot »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2017, 07:00:00 AM »
Happy Birthday Sweet Lady

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2017, 07:02:49 AM »
Thank you, Helping.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Cold River

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2017, 07:07:39 AM »
Happy birthday Thunder.

Thank you for your wisdom and willingness to share it.
M37
W41
DD20,15
SS11,11
BD 8/17 W says guy online is her bf, I'm her H but he is he bf
BD 9/17 found EA's multiple OM
BD 10/3/17 W still invloved EA's
BD 10/7/17ILYBINILWY refused to give up affairs
12/8/17 I was removed from home(bogus protection order) no contact with kids or MLCer
1/8/18 1st hearing. No contact with MLCer, supervised visitation with kids.
1/29/18 restrictions on me for kids removed. MLCer instructed to file for divorce. Judge to MLCer:"this is not DV, you need a divorce!"
2/6/18 I filed for divorce
2/12/18 MLCer no-show to hearing. Protection order dismissed.

Offline calamity

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2017, 07:31:05 AM »
Many happy returns of the day [that's an old one, what on earth did it mean?].
Happy birthday Thunder!

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2017, 07:42:35 AM »
Ha ha, thank you Calamity.  Yeah, what the heck did that mean?

Cold, thanks but we all have wisdom to share.  I love that you are reaching out to people with support.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline No expectations

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2017, 10:05:55 AM »
Attaching
Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Offline Never say never

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2017, 10:14:14 AM »
I didn't see the end of your last thread, but Happy Birthday, Thunder!!!  I thought it was tomorrow, and if it is, happy early birthday!!!

Of course, attaching along :D :-*

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2017, 03:57:15 PM »
Thank you, Never and No EX for attaching.

Like having you aboard.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Schratz66

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2017, 04:04:30 PM »
Happy Birthday Thunder !!!!
Me 52
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Lastresort

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2017, 04:05:40 PM »
Happy birthday thunder!!!!@

Offline nah

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #11 on: November 02, 2017, 05:19:11 PM »
Happy Birthday!!
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #12 on: November 02, 2017, 08:47:02 PM »
Happy Birthday!
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline Hawkeye

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2017, 09:00:40 PM »
Happy Birthday Thunder!

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #14 on: November 02, 2017, 09:31:35 PM »
Well, I'm late to the party but I sure didn't want to miss sending you birthday wishes, Thunder.  Hope you had a great day. 

More snow is on the way! 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #15 on: November 02, 2017, 11:04:58 PM »
Happy birthday Thunder! I’m joining the list of early November bdays too, a popular time...conceived on/around Valentine’s Day 😂
Me 45
H 49
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014, D June 2018
OW 17 years younger

Offline Whyus

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #16 on: November 02, 2017, 11:28:06 PM »
Happy birthday from me too Thunder.
I hope you have a perfect day, you deserve it  ;D
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #17 on: November 03, 2017, 10:52:33 AM »
You guys are awesome!

Thank everyone for all the nice b-day wishes. :)

(I know still...it's coming this afternoon.  Ugh)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline SavingMySanity

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #18 on: November 03, 2017, 12:20:21 PM »
I am a little late, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 

Attaching
Me: 43
One who abandoned : 43
Married: 19, Together: 20
D22, D19, D18

BD: May 6, 2017

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #19 on: November 03, 2017, 12:33:59 PM »
Never too late, Saving.  Thank you.
 :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Wonder no more

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #20 on: November 03, 2017, 12:37:00 PM »
Happy Birthday!

Offline MourningDove

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #21 on: November 03, 2017, 01:18:18 PM »
Happy Birthday ;D

Offline Mae

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #22 on: November 03, 2017, 01:26:21 PM »
And a big happy birthday from me too Thunder. Hope you have/had a great day and did lots of fabulous things to celebrate.
Me: 50
H: 40
S19, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Silent and non-communicative

Offline Never say never

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #23 on: November 03, 2017, 03:44:37 PM »
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY MENTOR, MY FRIEND ... OMG ... I am at a loss of words right now, but please know you were there for me from the very start and you are an AMAZING MENTOR....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ...   As you know, it is my husband's birthday also, so something good has to come of this.

 :-* :-*

Offline Anjae

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #24 on: November 03, 2017, 05:06:35 PM »
Happy birthday, Thunder.  :)
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #25 on: November 03, 2017, 07:45:57 PM »
Thank you Anjae, Mourning, Wonder, Mae and Never.

Never, thank you so much for your kind words.  Us Scorpio's are kind to hard to deal with sometimes.  Hope your H is doing good.  ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline rosecoloredglasses

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #26 on: November 04, 2017, 07:13:14 AM »
Happy birthday, Thunder!  I hope you had a great day.  Your support and advice throughout the years has been extremely valuable to me.  ♥️
M-45
H-54
D-13
S-10
D-6

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #27 on: November 05, 2017, 01:18:46 PM »
Thank you Rose, I am following along with your story.
 :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline BittyBoosMom

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #28 on: November 08, 2017, 02:05:31 PM »
Happy Belated Birthday Thunder!

Yes, us Scorpio's are definitely hard to deal w/sometimes!!

Thank you for all that you do and your wonderful words of wisdom!  Attaching!!
Me - 49
H - 50
D8; SS26
Alienator: Yes, OW, PA
BD1: 03/16
BD2: 05/16 - Leaves home & moves in w/OW
07/16: Comes home
BD3: 08/16 - Leaves home again & moves back in w/OW
08/16 - Filed for divorce
04/17 - Awarded sole physical & legal custody of D
08/17 - Legally separated
11/17 - OW kicks H out - H is hospitalized shortly thereafter and turns to me for support
12/17 - H starts talking to OW again
1/18 - H moves back in w/OW
"You got me, I'm cornered, my back to the wall , no bed of roses, ain't no bed at all, I'm walkin' the wire, I stumble and fall, I got the message but I ain't gonna crawl"...Comin' Under Fire by Def Leppard

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #29 on: November 08, 2017, 02:51:30 PM »
Aw thank you Bitty.

Welcome aboard, fellow Scorpio.
My X is a Scorpio too...so I agree.  Hard to deal with but a lot to love.

I hope things are going good for you and your D.  I see you trying to catch up on everyone's thread.   :)
Nice.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline ChrissYAH

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #30 on: November 09, 2017, 05:08:05 AM »
HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY SWEET LADY! FOLLOWING ALONG

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #31 on: November 09, 2017, 06:20:38 AM »
Ooooooo.... I am REALLY late... and this is a Birthday I should remember as it is the day after my Mid-Lifer's  :o

Happy (belated) Birthday...  :-[
Me - 54
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline gman242

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #32 on: November 09, 2017, 06:21:31 AM »
and I missed this too! Happy Birthday!

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #33 on: November 09, 2017, 08:45:10 AM »
I sent wishes on your last thread but lost you!
Now you are found!
(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #34 on: November 09, 2017, 08:59:45 AM »
Thank you, Chriss, UM and Gman!

Never too late.  It was nice of you to remember.
The thought is all that matters.   :)

Oops just saw your post, 31.  I'm glad I was found...and thank you.

My sister send me a card that shows an old lady on the front in a jogging outfit,
She says "To stay in physical and metal shape, I walk 5 miles every day."
Inside she's walking along bewildered.."Holy $#?*!, where am I?"

I'm not sure what message she was trying to convey here.  I've never gotten lost.   At least that I remember.
 :o ;D


A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline BittyBoosMom

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #35 on: November 09, 2017, 10:33:11 AM »
My sister send me a card that shows an old lady on the front in a jogging outfit,
She says "To stay in physical and metal shape, I walk 5 miles every day."
Inside she's walking along bewildered.."Holy $#?*!, where am I?"

I'm not sure what message she was trying to convey here.  I've never gotten lost.   At least that I remember.
 :o ;D

HEHEHE!!  Maybe she meant to send it to your xH  ;D ;D
Me - 49
H - 50
D8; SS26
Alienator: Yes, OW, PA
BD1: 03/16
BD2: 05/16 - Leaves home & moves in w/OW
07/16: Comes home
BD3: 08/16 - Leaves home again & moves back in w/OW
08/16 - Filed for divorce
04/17 - Awarded sole physical & legal custody of D
08/17 - Legally separated
11/17 - OW kicks H out - H is hospitalized shortly thereafter and turns to me for support
12/17 - H starts talking to OW again
1/18 - H moves back in w/OW
"You got me, I'm cornered, my back to the wall , no bed of roses, ain't no bed at all, I'm walkin' the wire, I stumble and fall, I got the message but I ain't gonna crawl"...Comin' Under Fire by Def Leppard

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #36 on: November 09, 2017, 10:40:30 AM »
 ;D  That's possible, Bitty.  ha ha

Kind of looks like his confused face.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Dew

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #37 on: December 07, 2017, 07:42:54 AM »
Hi Thunder, back here after a long time, attaching again, all quiet on the western front I see  ;).
Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it.
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.
(Both < Michael J Fox)

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #38 on: December 07, 2017, 08:01:34 AM »
Well hi Dew!   :)

How the heck are you, it's been a long time?

Yep, quiet here.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline heroIam

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #39 on: December 07, 2017, 09:26:18 AM »
Thunder.
Happy Belated Birthday!
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #40 on: December 07, 2017, 09:38:19 AM »
Thank you, Hero.   :)

How are you doing?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline heroIam

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #41 on: December 07, 2017, 02:27:56 PM »
I'm doing ok.  Thanks for asking.
I go up and down emotionally.  Some days are better than others.
Holidays are tough.
Hope you enjoyed your birthday.
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline Hawkeye

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #42 on: December 07, 2017, 07:53:58 PM »
Hey Thunder. Are you snowed in for the winter yet?

Offline Dew

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #43 on: December 31, 2017, 08:54:24 AM »
Have a great New Year's Eve and more importantly a wonderful 2018!
Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it.
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.
(Both < Michael J Fox)

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #44 on: December 31, 2017, 09:10:55 AM »
I was surprised to see my thread today.

Thank you Dew, I hope things are going good for you and you have a wonderful 2018..  I'll have to find your thread and catch up.   :)

MB, I'm sorry I didn't see that message from you.
We don't have much snow but YIKES the below temps are brutal.
Are you getting this cold wave too?

Happy New Year to all my FB friends.  I pray for peace for all of you.
Hugs  :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Mae

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #45 on: December 31, 2017, 09:21:17 AM »
Happy New Year Thunder! Thank you so much for being there for not only me but for so many others over the course of what, for most of us newbies, was such a tumultuous, shocking and struggle-filled year. Your little notes of encouragement could always be relied upon to pick me up.
Me: 50
H: 40
S19, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Silent and non-communicative

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #46 on: December 31, 2017, 09:35:18 AM »
Aw thank you, Mae. 

This is such a heartbreaking thing to go through.  Are the meds doing your H any good, or don't you know?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Mae

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #47 on: December 31, 2017, 09:51:16 AM »
This is such a heartbreaking thing to go through.  Are the meds doing your H any good, or don't you know?

I have to laugh at your question Thunder.....because you are spot on....I just don't know if they are doing any good. When I was reading my H's short messages to my son (which I have stopped now).....he seemed very loving and connected, did not talk about any of his own problems/struggles....in fact my son would ask and he wouldn't answer, it is all about asking my son what he's up to and how he is going at uni and that he's proud of him and loves him very much. The early messages asked about me and D15 but he's stopped doing that.

He could/can not communicate with me, the longest email he sent to me he was forced to out of financial necessity. Any questions or asking for clarification from me got nil response.

So I have no idea. I imagine that time and meds are helping the depression ease.....mostly time I think, which is also helping me come to terms with yet another abandonment and separation, most likely for good now.

I am very likely to see him in February as we come together to watch a sports event that my daughter is playing in. My goal is to be detached from him by that time.
Me: 50
H: 40
S19, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Silent and non-communicative

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #48 on: December 31, 2017, 04:44:09 PM »
Happy new year Thunder, thank you for all of the wonderful support you provide to everyone here, it is so comforting, wishing you all good things for 2018 😘
Me 45
H 49
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014, D June 2018
OW 17 years younger

Offline Treasur

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #49 on: December 31, 2017, 04:47:15 PM »
Thunder - after my angry rant on my own thread  ::), just wanted to rebalance a bit for 2018 by saying thank you. I have often found your pithy comments right on the button yet full of love and grace. I'm sorry I can't share my fizz with you in person, but I wish you all the best for the coming year xxx
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Hawkeye

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #50 on: December 31, 2017, 07:50:53 PM »
Happy New Year Thunder.

It's 2 degrees F here but it's supposed to start cooling off. They're predicting nine below tonight. That's roughly -23C.

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #51 on: December 31, 2017, 08:34:04 PM »
Happy New Year, Thunder. 

Throw on an extra blanket and another log on the fire!!  Gotta love this state, huh!?!?   :)
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline ChrissYAH

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #52 on: January 01, 2018, 04:04:07 AM »
Hope you have a happy and prosperous new yr Thunder thanks for being there for me xo

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #53 on: January 01, 2018, 04:08:09 AM »
MB, still and Chriss,

Thank you!

Prosperous would be nice, Chriss.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Acorn

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #54 on: January 01, 2018, 05:29:31 AM »
Thunder’s thread!!!

A good place to say how much I appreciate your contribution to this board.  Your timely and ultra sensible comments and advices, all accompanied by empathy, are much valued. 

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #55 on: January 01, 2018, 05:53:20 AM »
Acorn, you are just too sweet.  Thank you, I really appreciate that.

I love all the caring advice you give others.

You have been a light in the darkness for many.   ;D

Hope you have a wonderful 2018!
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Mary A

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #56 on: January 01, 2018, 06:01:26 AM »
Hey Thunder! It´s so nice to have you on this thread!

Once, when I tried to read your whole story, it took me a very long time to find you!

Nice to have you at hand to tell you how much you have helped many people and how much important you are on my journey.

Happy New Year , wish you joy in 2018!
M: 43
H 49
T : 26
BD: April, 2016
EA: discovered March,27, 2017. Lasted for about 6 months.

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #57 on: January 01, 2018, 06:33:25 AM »
Thank you, Mary.   :)

My life doesn't change much so I don't usually have any updates and my thread goes off into Never Land. lol

I'm glad to hear things are better for you.   :)
Happy New Year!
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Never say never

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #58 on: January 01, 2018, 06:33:59 AM »
Thunder,

Happy New Year to you.  I cannot tell you how much of a lifesaver you have been for me.  I wish you all the best in 2018 and thank you for being there for all of us.

Hugs,

Never

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #59 on: January 01, 2018, 07:26:55 AM »
Aw thank you, my friend.   :)

You are doing awesome and I'm sure your 2018 will be better than this year.   ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline MCSINME

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #60 on: January 01, 2018, 04:59:59 PM »
Thunder:
I'll reiterate what a wonderful help you are to so many on this site.
I treasure your replies and am so appreciate of your thoughts.
I hope 2018 is whatever you desire!
MCS

Offline heroIam

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #61 on: January 02, 2018, 03:17:56 PM »
Yes,
You absolutely rock, Thunder!

Thunder:
I'll reiterate what a wonderful help you are to so many on this site.
I treasure your replies and am so appreciate of your thoughts.
I hope 2018 is whatever you desire!
MCS
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline Silver

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #62 on: January 03, 2018, 12:13:27 AM »
Thunder I can only underline what others already said.
You are absolutely great support for so many.
Thank you for that and Happy New Year, be it the best possible for you.

"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #63 on: January 03, 2018, 03:26:29 AM »
MCS, hero and Silver,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are all awesome.

I hope you all have a wonderful new year.
xxx
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline MCSINME

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #64 on: January 07, 2018, 03:51:12 PM »
Thunder:
You've been helping so many people.
Are you doing okay?
Is there any way that we can help you?
Know were here for you, as you're here for us!
MCS

Offline MCSINME

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #65 on: February 08, 2018, 08:51:49 AM »
Hmmmm.... 
Thunder - you didn't respond to my last post a month ago.
I know you're out there...  Still in never never land?
Please let all of your friends here know how YOU are doing.

We love all your posting for us, but want to make sure you're still status quo...

Love,
MCS

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #66 on: February 08, 2018, 09:01:20 AM »
OMG MCS, I'm so sorry.  I didn't see your post. 
Thank you.  How nice of you.

Things don't change much for me.  Still with the X and we're doing good.  He's got vaca for 4 days and we have a few plans so I'll be in and out of here for a bit.

I see you've been giving a lot of nice support to others.  That's awesome!  You're awesome!.   :)
Hope things are ok with you.  I'll have to catch up on your thread.
Finding it right now.

Hugs
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline MCSINME

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #67 on: February 08, 2018, 09:08:10 AM »
Glad thing are status quo.
Have a great few days off with X.  Enjoy your time together.

I'm okay, realizing I'm not the problem but still trying to do mirror work as I have some things needing exploration!

MCS

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #68 on: February 08, 2018, 09:16:00 AM »
Nope, you are NOT the problem.   ;D

We can all use a little mirror work, can't we? 
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #69 on: April 08, 2018, 02:00:31 PM »
Hi all, no updates just bumping up my thread so it doesn't get lost.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline 20thcenturygirl

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #70 on: April 08, 2018, 02:24:51 PM »
I don't have anything worthwhile to say about your situation Thunder as I am so new to this journey but I do want to add to what the others have said.  You have been so supportive of me and so welcoming and given me such wonderful advice.
I cannot thank you enough.
Good luck with everything.
H 62
Me 51
BD October 31st 2017
Three months of confusion & coming & going
Left Home December 28th 2017
OW1 living the life with him January 31st 2018 - met her whilst walking dogs.  Ended May 2018
OW2 Tinder date for a few weeks
OW3 Tinder became serious.  Ended late October 2018.  She sent OW1 all of their e-mails and texts.  They were so in love it bought tears to his eyes.
OW4 Met and fell in love beginning of October 2018.  They are so in love it brings tears to his eyes.  She says God brought him into her life.

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #71 on: April 08, 2018, 02:45:19 PM »
How nice of you, 20th.
Thank you.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline same33

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #72 on: April 09, 2018, 04:28:29 AM »
Echoing the sentiments of the tribe. Your are a true gift to this forum! Thank you for that!
M-44
W-41
S12, S9, S7
Married 9/25/2004
13 years of marriage
BD#1- December 22, 2014
BD#2- January 2, 2018
D filed 6/25/2018

Offline heroIam

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #73 on: April 09, 2018, 07:21:34 AM »
Hope all is well Thunder.  I like the purple book.  ;)
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #74 on: April 09, 2018, 07:35:56 AM »
Thank you same and hero.
You are both wonderful people. 

It was time, hero.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline 20thcenturygirl

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #75 on: April 09, 2018, 07:43:07 AM »
Thunder - if it is not too personal a question why did you divorce when you were still having an intimate relationship? 
Did you initiate divorce?
H 62
Me 51
BD October 31st 2017
Three months of confusion & coming & going
Left Home December 28th 2017
OW1 living the life with him January 31st 2018 - met her whilst walking dogs.  Ended May 2018
OW2 Tinder date for a few weeks
OW3 Tinder became serious.  Ended late October 2018.  She sent OW1 all of their e-mails and texts.  They were so in love it bought tears to his eyes.
OW4 Met and fell in love beginning of October 2018.  They are so in love it brings tears to his eyes.  She says God brought him into her life.

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #76 on: April 09, 2018, 07:51:30 AM »
Not too personal, 20th.

Simple answer, he had a MLC and thought he needed his D to be happy.  Didn't exactly turn out that way.   :)

No I didn't initiate, just didn't fight it.  Figured it was useless to even try.
I think once they make up their mind there isn't a thing you can do to change it.  You're better off just going along with it, but protecting yourself, financially.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Rising Phoenix

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #77 on: April 09, 2018, 08:14:29 AM »
Hi thunder

May I ask, was your divorce recent and do you have contact? What happened after his divorce?  Xx
Me 51
H52
Married still, 22yrs
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #78 on: April 09, 2018, 08:30:39 AM »
Hi Rising,

No his D was a few years ago.
His crisis started in 2011, the D was final in 2013 and I moved out.

We never really stopped seeing each other, even after the D.  I think all together we were in NC for about a week and a half in the whole 7 years.  So the D never really changed anything.

Rising, I've said before I think my story is a bit different.  As long as he had no ow, or didn't Monster, I saw no reason to stop seeing him.
I did no "wifey" duties, though.  He was on his owe as far as the house, cooking, cleaning, etc..

A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline OffRoad

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #79 on: April 09, 2018, 09:46:01 PM »
Look at that. You're lavender.  ;D
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline Whyus

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #80 on: April 09, 2018, 10:31:10 PM »

Rising, I've said before I think my story is a bit different.  As long as he had no ow, or didn't Monster, I saw no reason to stop seeing him.
I did no "wifey" duties, though.  He was on his owe as far as the house, cooking, cleaning, etc..

You seem to have handled it perfectly Thunder. I too have always said, and I told my ILs this too, if there was no OM I would have waited as Long as it took but unfortunately.......... you know my Story, no Need to explain.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #81 on: April 10, 2018, 03:39:38 AM »
I understand that Whyus.  When another person gets involved in the marriage, it changes everything and makes them much more complicated.

Believe me I know, my first H had multiple affairs and flings through out our marraige and it is what finally killed it.
An alienator causes a lot of pain.

I certainly didn't do everything perfectly.  I made a whole lot of mistakes.  Even tried to drag the D out as long as I could until I realized it was just costing me money and wasn't going to change the outcome.
You just can't drag it out long enough for them to come out of the crisis.  It takes too long.

Sounds like you are making the most of your life right now.  That's so good to see.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Whyus

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #82 on: April 10, 2018, 03:47:02 AM »
Thank you Thunder. Im just so happy that I got off the crazy Train when I did. There was no getting through top my W and god knows that I tried... Now that she has everything that she wanted she is turning into a vanisher who lives 2kms away  ;D. Thats just fine by me, less drama, less headfiretruck and peace (most of the time).
It breaks my heart sometimes how other LBSs just cant seem to detatch and are Holding the rope so tight that theyre MLCer doesnt have the Chance to move Forward.

My Boys are also alot more happy now that I am happy and that gives me strength and confirms that I am on the right road.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #83 on: April 10, 2018, 04:08:37 AM »
Whyus, I think we all drop the rope when we're ready.  It's a hard thing to do and takes time to get there.
Some people are just capable of doing it sooner than others.  In the end, what choice do you really have?

It's either let go or hang on and drive yourself crazy.
Crazy is not where we want to end up.   ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Silver

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #84 on: April 10, 2018, 04:50:04 AM »
Thunder, wise words (no surprise though). It is even relieving to understand that we don't actually have a choice if we want to go on with our lives but to drop the rope. I guess acceptance comes trough that thought as well.

Thanks for the reminder  ;)
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #85 on: July 12, 2018, 03:24:26 AM »
I read MB's update and thought I better too before my thread gets lost in Neverland. 

I don't actually have much to update but just an observation from other day, and to tell you guys about a new movie on Netflix I started watching yesterday.

My XH and I were out to dinner the other night and it dawned in me..we were actually talking and enjoying each others company.  I mean we always talked but somehow it has changed.  We were not lacking for interesting things to talk about.  Well, interesting to us.   :)
Let me explain.  Years ago (before MLC) I read an article about how you can always tell a married couple in a restaurant, they don't really talk to each other.

I started observing people and realized it was true.  Married couples did almost looked bored.  Reading their menu's or just looking around.  Others were talking, laughing, holding hands. (probably just met but anyway)

I made up my mind this was not going to be us so I made sure when we were out dining I kept the conversation rolling along.  It was fake talking most of the time, but at least we didn't look MARRIED.  ha ha

Now it seems we always have something to talk or laugh about.  Nothing stiff like before.
Ok, it's pretty silly and small but it made me realize we have come a long way.

The movie?  Now mind you it may be a little depressing because it was pretty real but it's called Doctor Foster.
It's about a women who finds out her H is having an affair with a much younger woman (sorry I won't give anything else away).
Just the different emotions she goes through are so familiar with our MLCer's.  You just feel for her.

I'm only on the 3rd episode so I have no idea where it will go, but it's been very interesting so far in case anyone is interested.

Hope everyone has a good day!
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #86 on: July 12, 2018, 04:36:42 AM »
Thunder
That is so true. Here lately my W and I have been going out so much. We people watch. It's mainly her. But it makes good convo. Funny you Said, couples that don't talk, just eat. Stay on their phones. We would both say , they are married, lol.
There was one couple, they were in their 60s. Both looked in great shape.  They were holding hands across the table. Smiling, laughing.  My W saud their spouse must have died, they have just met to comfort each other and be friends. I said no way!!!
W said they look too happy. Ha. MLCer brain. So I couldn't stand it. I had to ask. Well guess what? They were there celebrating 45 years of marriage. Before night was over , W and I were laughing saying they needed a room, lol.
Thunder, that is a good thing to think of.  Never go back into the (WERE MARRIED) act. Always live life.
Hope yall enjoy the series. We started watching Yellowstone.  Good to do things togetger.

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #87 on: July 12, 2018, 04:43:31 AM »
Is that on Netflix, Helping?

Yes we have a lot of series we watch together but I highly doubt he would like this one.  Girl movie, ya know?   ::)

Still waiting for Game of Throne's last season. tap, tap, tap...
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Blueblood

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #88 on: July 12, 2018, 05:16:26 AM »
Hi Thunder,

Dr Foster was on in the UK and W and I would watch it. It amazes me how W could sit and watch it and not think that was her. Or maybe it excited her, who knows. Where as I obviously didn't like the guy.

Keep watching its very good.

BB
M 15 @ BD
Me 50 W 45
D15 D13 D9 S9
BD1 Nov16 (not happy), BD2 May17 ILYBNILWY
PA yes

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #89 on: July 12, 2018, 05:22:07 AM »
It's on Paramount Network on Direct TV. It just started.
Grace and Frankie is one on Netflix that is funny. We are watching it too. It's about 2 married couples that were friends and their husbands left them for each other.  The 2 wives live together and they are starting to date other people. They are in their 60s. It's hilarious. 
Yellowstone is only 3 episodes in of first season. It's pretty goid so far.

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #90 on: July 12, 2018, 05:35:20 AM »
Oh Grace n Frankie is hilarious!

Thanks BB, I'll keep watching.  Can't believe she didn't connect the dots...but hey.. ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Bewildered survivor

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #91 on: July 12, 2018, 08:23:59 AM »
Thunder I’ve seen all series of Dr Foster- the latest series was on tv shortly after BD & I had to stop watching it- it gets very disturbing. Previous series with H. I agree it’s a classic case of MLC.  He’s definetely a narcasstist & she’s an example of what not to do as a LBS. The impact on the son is horrendous to. I found it really difficult to watch....but maybe it’s because it was too close to BD. 


The Affair is another difficult one to watch.  We actually watched that one together to- no doubt whilst he was involved in with OW.

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #92 on: July 12, 2018, 09:04:10 AM »
Oh wow Mitten I'm so sorry.

I did say it was emotional and real.

I'm on the 5th episode now and yes pretty intense.

WARNING everyone.  You may want to watch this when you're in a better place.

Hugs
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Mae

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #93 on: July 12, 2018, 11:35:25 AM »
I stayed up late last night watching the first 3 episodes Thunder.
Me: 50
H: 40
S19, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
No OW
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Silent and non-communicative

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #94 on: July 12, 2018, 11:38:03 AM »
Ok, be prepared, Mae.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Anjae

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #95 on: July 12, 2018, 03:02:36 PM »
Let me explain.  Years ago (before MLC) I read an article about how you can always tell a married couple in a restaurant, they don't really talk to each other.

I started observing people and realized it was true.  Married couples did almost looked bored.  Reading their menu's or just looking around.  Others were talking, laughing, holding hands. (probably just met but anyway)

That is because you never saw Mr J and I in a restaurant/going out. We always talked to each other, laughed, hold hands, danced like crazy if we were out to dance, etc.

We always looked more like we were dating than married. People who knew us, knew we had been a couple for a very long time, but we didn't have wedding rings, so many thought we weren't really married.

Now Mr J and I are stiff with each other and our talk, read e-mail, is as boring and short as it can be.

But I know what you mean because we would be baffled of how bored other couples looked like. We used to wonder what were they doing together and why they were togeher.

Mr J and OW2, on the other hand, having been looking bored to death with each other. for years. And they aren't even married.  ::)

That said, I think I would be bored with most guys pretty quickly. Most can't keep me interested for long. I also suspect Mr J would bore me now.

« Last Edit: July 12, 2018, 03:03:48 PM by Anjae »
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Hawkeye

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #96 on: July 12, 2018, 08:40:18 PM »
Looking back I can see that's one of the things that changed in the 6 to 12 months before BD. We turned into one of those married couples you're describing and now I realize why. It's because my wife stopped talking with me. It's hard to carry on a conversation when the other person doesn't respond.

Offline strawberry

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #97 on: July 12, 2018, 09:49:51 PM »
Same.  We never had our phones out and were never at a loss for conversation till the last 24 months he lived in my house.  The last couple years I was unable to get him to put his phone away or even talk to me when we were out.
H: 43
M: 44
M: 2003, T: 2001, Friends: 1996
No kids
2 dogs, 2 cats
BD1 (Summer 2014) "We aren't happy, I should move out, we should divorce"  Nothing happened.
Nov 2014 we moved across the country for H's job
BD2 (July 2015) "I'm not happy.  I want a divorce"  H moves out for 2 weeks.
BD3 (Nov 2017) H takes a new job 2 hours away and moves out.
BD4 (September 2018) OW2 discovered despite claims there has never been one.  She outs MOW1 and discloses that H filed for Divorce, but has not served me.  OW2 dumps him.
Currently "dating" to see if we have anything to salvage.  Divorce on hold (unofficially).

Offline Treasur

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #98 on: July 12, 2018, 11:05:20 PM »
The only time we were one of those couples was at dinner two nights before BD.
It was off, just felt weird...I think we chatted about his job mostly...but it was how I knew something was wrong and why I challenged him...and then boom  ::)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #99 on: July 13, 2018, 01:32:34 AM »
We were also the couple who talked non-stop when we went out together, so much to catch up on as we were generally looking after the kids and most discussions were about them when at home.  Going out was an opportunity to catch up on 'us' and we did so with passion.

Even after BD, H used to take me to breakfast each Saturday morning as we had to drop our son at the train station many miles from home and we still talked a lot.  H was mainly trying to get me to give him pointers on how to have a successful relationship with the current ow, although he masked it with questions on how I would like our relationship to be.  I knew what he was up to but was a desperate woman at the time and went along with it all.

I hope H and ow don't even look at each other when out.  I hear ow has no conversation when at dinner with H and our kids and is a silly, giggly woman with no brain, so you got what you deserve H.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #100 on: July 13, 2018, 01:51:18 AM »
Thanks for responding MB and Strawberry.

It's very sad when they stop talking to you.  You really feel the disconnect.   :(
Strawberry, mine was never a phone person but I do remember him sitting with me staring out the window like I wasn't there...or he wanted to be anywhere but with me.

Treasur, I understand that more than you know.
Right before bd I felt that distance too.  Like the flame in the candle was snuffed out.

Anjae, sounds like you and Mr. J were different. You have to wonder if he misses those times.
I bet he does. How sad for him.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #101 on: July 13, 2018, 02:00:26 AM »
Savvy, we were all desperate at the time.

So now he gets a silly, giggly woman with no brain.
How fitting for him.

You just have to wonder about these guys, trading down like they do.
They can't possibly be proud.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Hawkeye

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #102 on: July 13, 2018, 01:18:25 PM »
After BD my wife told me she could talk to the om about anything. I realize now that he's a narcissist who was learning everything he could about my wife so that he could use it to manipulate her, but at the time it destroyed my confidence in my ability to communicate. It never seemed to go well when we talked and I thought it was my fault.

I spoke about this with my therapist and she told me to study communication and tell her what I learned the next time we met. What I learned was that I couldn't communicate with my wife because it takes two people to have a conversation and my wife had shut down. She was the only one I couldn't communicate with. I was able to communicate with other people just fine.

Offline Anjae

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #103 on: July 13, 2018, 05:40:43 PM »
Anjae, sounds like you and Mr. J were different. You have to wonder if he misses those times.
I bet he does. How sad for him.

In several ways, yes, we were different from many couples (in others we were live every other couple). We had no kids, no mortgage, no car, no debt aside from a small loan one that was nearly fully paid.

We didn't had the pressures or the lack of time for each other many couples have.

We also lead a cultural bohemian life filled with music, cinema, theatre, art. We worked with what we loved and we loved being together.

Since he left, and especially since OW2 has been in place, his life has much more responsability, big expensive flat, doing I don't know how many things at a time, etc. than before.

I don't know if he misses it. Maybe he likes his MLC life with all the money that comes with it. Probably not, since he didn't used to like it. When I was still in the capital he used to moan all the time about how tiring and difficult it was.

He also said the same a few times at least until 2012. My reply was always the same: you have the life you decided to have.

I spoke about this with my therapist and she told me to study communication and tell her what I learned the next time we met. What I learned was that I couldn't communicate with my wife because it takes two people to have a conversation and my wife had shut down. She was the only one I couldn't communicate with. I was able to communicate with other people just fine.

This is what happens with all our spouses. Our spouses are the only people we can't communicate with because they have shut down.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #104 on: July 13, 2018, 06:09:19 PM »
I agree with this Anjae.

Something shuts down with them.

You can not communicate with someone who looks at you like you are invisible.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Nerissa

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #105 on: July 14, 2018, 02:09:55 AM »
My H said the same “I could tell her anything”. It was awfully
Painful To hear because I’d always been his only confidante and I hadn t changed, and I just could nt understand.

I read some sociological academic research on this very phenomenon.  It’s to

The affair bubble - ‘you and me against the World’.  The situation is artificial and the real world with its responsibilities and judgements doesn’t intrude.  The secretive nature of it all encourages sharing confidences.  They aren’t going to have to disagree over mortgage payments later that week or really truly live up to the things they say - unless and until they are a real couple, there is no testing reality in the open. .  Also this kind of sharing is usually part of falling in love.  The affair partner, sometimes naive,  sometimes manipulative buys into the specialness and is flattered.

The more they idealise the affair, the more judgemental the lbs  seems.  And let’s face it - none of us can live Day in day out together and never judge or be judged.

I have to say though, I was so grateful to see how vacuous their emails were as it was driving me nuts.  I kept following him around wailing “But what did you talk ABOUT?”  He still insisted their conversations were different to the emails, but I was somewhat  comforted by the level of it all.

Offline ThunderTopic starter

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #106 on: July 14, 2018, 05:56:00 AM »
The affair bubble.  Makes perfect sense.  ::)

MB,

You are so right, you can't communicate with someone who stops listening or communicating back.  It's a 2 way street.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Anjae

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Re: Life in a way-3
« Reply #107 on: July 14, 2018, 01:29:51 PM »
The more they idealise the affair, the more judgemental the lbs  seems.  And let’s face it - none of us can live Day in day out together and never judge or be judged.

We can't. Both MCLer and alienator also can't went they start living together. Yet, their fantasy relatioship may last many, many years. The bubble may broke, but that not mean it will be over.

Mr J and I communicated a lot at BD and at least until 2009. It would had been better if there had been none, or very little communication.  It was all pretty much a fight that lead nowehere.There is good and bad communication and ours wasn't the best at the time.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

 

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