Author Topic: My Story Revive me again  (Read 3228 times)

Offline MitzpahTopic starter

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My Story Re: Revive me again
« Reply #20 on: December 10, 2017, 10:02:01 AM »
Lonely on a Sunday afternoon...
H. was here this week every. single. day. except for Friday - I met him one of the days, he was friendly and affectionate and as he left (I walked him out about twenty minutes after I arrived), he mentioned our d22's driving test on this Monday (tomorrow), saying that he would go with her. I repeated my offer for him to take my car because they have to be there very early and wait a long time. He said he would arrange it with her.  So I guess I will have to bus it to work tomorrow :)

SF
I'm glad your son is ok Mitz, your strength being able to be with your H and not asking the hard questions is admirable, I don't think I would have done as well and would be in a total spin of heartache by now.

I hope that one day you get some answers.

There is no chance to ask questions... I never touch on R talks and I spend most of my time making sure that our conversation stays on very safe topics ;D I have the feeling he does the same ::)

As much as it seems we see each other quite frequently, we are actually very distant from each other on an emotional level. I am very aware that he has a relationship with OW and as he has divorced me, I don't want to even go there as I am sure he feels justified in having a relationship with her. I keep a respectful distance from that, I get as close as he will allow but I will not overstep the barrier he puts up. I also expect him to respect the fact that I will not discuss OW, nor see her. It is as if she is not there - we relate to each other as old acquaintances (a bit like cousins?) and as parents.

Anyhoo, on Thursday, he was here and when I got home, my eldest s25 told me he had asked whether I would be hosting Christmas day as usual, at s25's affirmative  answer, he told the kids that he would be here :) - first time he has committed to be here in advance :o and second Christmas running.

So, I will do the usual intimate Christmas Eve dinner with my kids and the next day will be family at large, including h.!

Sermon today reminded me that the promises of restoration given so many years ago announcing the birth of Jesus are also for us today - the Word is alive!
M 56
H 56
S 26
S 24
D 23
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline Mara

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Re: Revive me again
« Reply #21 on: December 10, 2017, 10:31:25 AM »
Hi Mitzpah

Good to read your story.
You as almost seems to be so wise in handling your h.

I hope this advent and living towards Christmas with the whole family including your h, will bring you much joy, besides the biggest thing we celebrate with advent and Christmas.

Good luck for your d tomorrow!

Mara
I want to believe there's meaning here

Offline The lighthouse

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Re: Revive me again
« Reply #22 on: December 10, 2017, 11:07:08 AM »
Interesting that as it gets closer to Christmas both our H's have drawn closer again Mitzpah.

Mara is right, you are indeed very wise in handling your H.

Wishing you a blessed and joyous Christmas season with your family.
M 1992
BD June 2011
Still with OW - No legal action

I am the lighthouse. I don't go out into the storm after the ship.  The ship finds me.

Offline handpuppets

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Re: Revive me again
« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2017, 11:36:07 AM »
Glad to hear your son's surgery was a success.

And I agree with TL, they seems to be drawn back to us when "family" is the focus and Christmas is the ultimate family-focused holiday.

Advent is a time of hopeful waiting. May you be blessed this Christmas season, Mitzpah.
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” -Anne Lamott

Offline Anjae

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Re: Revive me again
« Reply #24 on: December 10, 2017, 02:17:37 PM »
Glad to know your son's surgery went well, Mitz, but sorry to hear you are feeling lonely.

As much as it seems we see each other quite frequently, we are actually very distant from each other on an emotional level.

Unlike those without a live in MLCer, or a MLCer that is always always around may think, sadly, having the MCLer around does not equal being emotionally close. They are on their world and we are on ours.

But, at least, you a and your husband have a nice, civil relationship.

... we relate to each other as old acquaintances (a bit like cousins?) and as parents.

A bit like cousins is a good image.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Revive me again
« Reply #25 on: December 10, 2017, 06:28:50 PM »
I am also glad that your son's surgery was successful.

Holidays are hard even in the most solid of families. For you to continue being so gracious is amazing. I don't think I could do it. Not that my xH wants anything to do with his family. He just visited our youngest and his wife in Texas a few weeks back. He brought his girlfriend even tho' my son asked him not to. He gave xH quite an earful about her. He asked xH why he liked her. His reply was "we're best friends".

She was completely negative the whole time there, just a weekend. My son told xH he had changed. He asked xH what they do besides work out together? xH said they talk, laugh and joke around. My son said him that he didn't tell one joke while there. He told him he isn't eating enough for how hard he works out. That he's too skinny.

I don't think that xH will be visiting him again any time soon. My other kids were thrilled that he said everything they want to say but haven't had the guts to do it.

trying2bok

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Revive me again
« Reply #26 on: December 11, 2017, 06:29:26 AM »
Beautiful update Mitz!!

Your unending grace shows through your words my friend!

How special you are!    I pray your xH begins to see clearer, I truly believe he feels it he just needs to have the courage to do what's right and return!
(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Revive me again
« Reply #27 on: December 15, 2017, 04:22:44 AM »
I felt sad reading your post Mitz, maybe I have the Christmas blues too :-[

There always seemed to be hope, as that's all we have but when the MLCer is so distant it seems very sad somehow.

I actually hate polite conversation and don't think I could do that with xH.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline MitzpahTopic starter

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Re: Revive me again
« Reply #28 on: December 27, 2017, 07:05:23 AM »
Christmas has come again :)

I think it went pretty well this despite the usual tense prep period :P

I was very happy that one of my investments was ready for Christmas - I had a sofa and two armchairs re-upholstered and they were delivered a week before Christmas, it looks lovely!

I had a doctor's appointment four days before Christmas and was awarded with the news that I had to immediately go on a low-carb (keto) diet :(, after the initial shock effect, I found that it wouldn't be too hard and actually quite suited to my personal likes and preferences, of course, I was given 'permission' to celebrate Christmas and New Year as long as I go back to it the next day. I am adapting pretty well. It is because my blood sugar is high and the insulin too, apparently my body is desperately trying to stave off diabetes type 2.

Well, for my Christmas - you will remember that my h. is keeping his distance from me, yet is coming over to our house quite regularly during the week to spend time with the kids, use the garage and get a square meal - he is currently unemployed and on unemployment benefits which doesn't amount to much at all. He had asked the kids if I was hosting Christmas lunch this year and they said yes, to which he said he would be coming. I have no idea where he spent Christmas Eve, probably with OW. The kids didn't ask either.

We had our own traditional Christmas Eve celebration where we had a little meditation on Christmas and prayers (we included their father in the prayers too) as a family (our church this year prepared a leaflet to use at home), it was midnight and we exchanged gifts - I took a picture of our three showing their gifts and sent it to h. with a simple Merry Christmas.

We were then distracted with h.'s dog (the murderous boxer female) who was trembling and crying in her kennel because of the fireworks, both boys got in the kennel with her and cuddled her a bit :), while d22 and I comforted the other 2 dogs.

After this show of Christmas cheer, we settled down to our dinner and I glanced at the phone - h. had sent me a message - 'I tried to call s25 and s24 but they wouldn't answer' - no Merry Christmas or anything ;D then s25 looked at his phone and said, while tucking into the ham, 'oh daddy tried to call...' but did nothing to call him back. I said nothing. The others didn't even look up at his comment

We went to church on Christmas morning, it is one of those rare occasions I can get them to to go to church! When we got back , he was already there. He was kind and affectionate, not close though. He liked the gift I gave him - a set of towels. My brother (the one who has been divorced three times  :o) arrived  soon after us. My mother arrived a little later and he was very affectionate towards her. After a little longer, s25's gf and relatives arrived and we moved towards the table to eat. At the time to say grace for the meal , I decided to ask him to lead - he did, to my complete surprise!! He prayed very nicely, closing with the Lord's prayer as is our tradition. My mother was very happy as usually it would have been my father to do it and this is our first Christmas without him.

During the time before the actual lunch he sharpened some of my kitchen knives, teaching the boys how to do it, he took apart and fixed my electric knife! He carved the ham. He spent some time working on his motorbike just like he always does and people just migrate out to the garage to talk to him.

He was the kind host too, engaging with our guests, making sure my mother was comfortable...

After lunch he also spoke with me and our daughter about our concerns with my mother, maybe having her come to live with me. You see, we would need to build a suite on the ground floor of our house because she cannot go up and down stairs.

When he left, after everyone else had left, he reiterated that he wanted me to talk to my brothers and sisters about helping build this in order to house her... All in all, it was a good visit. I saw a lot of my h. in him, he seems calmer. He still makes references to his other life, never mentioning OW but will say things like 'we have a friend...' where it is quite clear to me that we is not he and I. I think he would like this to be the norm - a comfortable co-existence with me without having to give up his other life.

I just let him be and I am thankful for good and peaceful interactions!



M 56
H 56
S 26
S 24
D 23
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Revive me again
« Reply #29 on: December 27, 2017, 08:26:12 AM »
What a beautiful up date Mitz!   Slowly but surely your H is turning...inch by inch...step by step....Such patience you show!!   Not much else you can do is there!

I have heard good things about the keto diet, I hope it works quickly for you!
(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

 

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