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Author Topic: Discussion Anyone else have a vanisher? 12

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Discussion Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12
#50: November 21, 2017, 08:44:14 PM
Perhaps the most important thing is not what they remember, but what we do and how we push it aside enough to heal from it. Vanishers are a big black hole really. I genuinely have no idea what mine thinks about BD. Gosh, I don't even know if he remembers me or any part of our life together, let alone BD!
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12
#51: November 21, 2017, 09:59:52 PM
I don't want him to remember me, he's married to ow all the best.
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12
#52: November 21, 2017, 10:34:59 PM
Might be mean...but I'd like my STBXH to remember enough to know what he threw away and feel pain.
Not so mean...I am grateful for my happy memories and I hope he will get well enough to eventually have them too.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

nah

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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12
#53: November 22, 2017, 11:40:27 AM
My opinion, they want to forget BD, so it's not high on their list.

Forget us?  They can try but unless they have complete amnesia, they can't just forget 20, 25, 30 years of their lives.

Now mine is a semi-vanisher so I have had conversations with him over the years.

He often brings up things... people, places, things of the past. Even things since BD that tells me he is watching me (places I traveled, people I have seen, new restaurants that he thought I would like  :o)

I keep bringing this up but he TOLD me that he thinks of me everyday, the funny thing is he said it like it was my fault, he was mad and yelling, "DO YOU THINK THIS HAS BEEN EASY FOR ME?  I THINK OF YOU AND THE LIFE WE HAD EVERY SINGLE DAY!"

.... and then the idiot married her. 

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H-55
me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12
#54: November 22, 2017, 01:51:52 PM
.... and then the idiot married her. 

Lol, so they remember the damage and lbs? awww so they have choose what to remember ??? ::)
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12a
#55: November 22, 2017, 02:10:07 PM
I feel having the bomb dropt in June 14 to now all my memories are off all the bad , I remember how much he had no respect for me ,, how he used me , I just was never good enough , I see no good in our lives ,, I look back at times and wonder if I missed a time he was cheating on me and I actually never new the man that I have been with for 26 years ,, that man was a lie ,, he will never remember bomb drop because I never gave him the chance to stay I kicked him out as soon as I heard the words we are not happy abd there's no one else , but his actions were so very different to the man I grew up with ,, I often question is this mid life or just a cheater, but for three years I have read on here so many similar experiences that I know he is in deep ,, but I know that is it I'm too stubborn to ever ever want to interact with this man ever again , I thought I would take him back but as time goes on , I think the life he has with her , the sexual things ,, there is no going back , he has destroyed me and our life ,, I cannot and will not for I believe forever ever trust that I can be good enough for anyone ever again ,, and the worst thing is he knows that aswell ,, he knows wot he has done ,,
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12
#56: November 22, 2017, 02:12:59 PM
 :'( Monty I could've written your post.
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nah

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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12
#57: November 22, 2017, 02:16:29 PM
Choose?  I don't think so. I mean, I really don't know what goes on in their heads, but I don't think so.

I think we live parallel lives.

We get triggers, they get triggers.

For example, about a year ago during a conversation, my boyfriend held my face in his hands and said, "don't you know I love you?  I'm not him, I'm never going to leave you"

I flipped out. My boyfriend saying he would never leave me was a trigger.

Do you really think the MLCer never has a trigger?  Sights, sounds, smells, people, places, things that remind them of us?  Even if they moved to the other side of the world, it doesn't matter, we are inside of them, just like they are inside of us.

The biggest difference though is we are working on our issues, they are trying to avoid.

So they hide and try to shove the memories to the backs of their minds.

For those who believe MLC has to do with FOO issues, isn't that how they got into this mess to begin with?
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H-55
me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com
m
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12
#58: November 22, 2017, 02:24:32 PM
Because we have no contact, my son says he never asks him about home , I know he doesn't with my daughter,, I don't know I think at the moment he hides ,, I don't exist to him so I'm not sure he has thoughts and triggers, he has never contacted me since he left , 2014, only rang my phone when my son was in car accident . So I don't know
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 12
#59: November 22, 2017, 02:28:41 PM
Hugs chrisxx
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