Author Topic: Discussion General MLC Questions ?  (Read 5282 times)

Offline strongFaith34Topic starterTopic starter

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Discussion General MLC Questions ?
« on: November 20, 2017, 05:08:59 PM »
The holidays are coming up, has your MLCer taken trips with the kids? How did those trips work out?
Does your MLCer revisit places you have been before ? Are the MLCers trying to relive memories with the x-spouse cut out of the picture?
Would love to hear from others who have experienced this with their MLCer


http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8954.0


RCR Edited to fix topic icon.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2019, 02:50:46 PM by Rollercoasterider »

Online barbiedoll

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Re: General Questions Thread Cont.
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2017, 08:26:38 PM »
Quote
Does your MLCer revisit places you have been before ? Are the MLCers trying to relive memories with the x-spouse cut out of the picture?


Yes. It still shocks me . My husband did things and went places with his OW -cow EXACTLY like WE did as a couple. It was even more boggling when our therapist said " that is very typical" and she sees that all the time. WTF?. It is absolutely as if he took me out of the picture and put her in. .. and carried on doing the same things . And... those "things" were what I liked to do and enjoy... not necessarily him. It boggles the brain. There is likely some deep physchological explanation for this....
« Last Edit: February 03, 2018, 07:28:12 AM by OldPilot »
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: General Questions Thread Cont.
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2017, 09:10:03 PM »
The holidays are coming up, has your MLCer taken trips with the kids? How did those trips work out?
Does your MLCer revisit places you have been before ? Are the MLCers trying to relive memories with the x-spouse cut out of the picture?
Would love to hear from others who have experienced this with their MLCer

The holidays are coming up, has your MLCer taken trips with the kids?

My first BD was just a couple weeks before Christmas 2015.  We tried to maintain a sense of normalcy on Christmas and he told his parents that our M was over the day after Christmas.  We were D'ed in April 2016.  In Nov/Dec 2016 he started dating a lady and she moved 4 states away in January.  He pursued her by taking a trip out there a few weeks after she moved there.  He visited there again over Valentine's week.  He took a trip with her to New Orleans in March.  In April he lost his job of 14 years and put his house on the market.  In June he again visited her and they drove back here for her vacation, stopping in MO to meet her mom on the way.  Then he finally vacationed with the kids with her and her kids in tow, by taking them up to his M & F's town, whitewater rafting and taking everyone up to the family cabin.  Then he left the kids early on Father's Day to travel to Cali with her, where there he got engaged, after dating her for 6ish months from 4 states away.  He had just gotten the kids back the day before Father's Day from a trip that they took to MO with his parents but he chose not to go along.   In July he sold his house and moved out to her State.  At the end of July he had me send the kids out to him for 2 weeks and he took them to the surrounding States.  Back to MO to drop off/pick up her kids and see the St. Louis Arch, to Kentucky and IL for day trips.

How did those trips work out?
He was trying to play happy family with her.  I have no idea how the trips worked out, but the kids got to see some new sights and do an Escape room.  They were excited about adding a couple new States into their memories, but they did not have MLCers complete focused attention and were also confused by the onslaught and rush of the "new relationship" and her children into their lives.

Does your MLCer revisit places you have been before ? Are the MLCers trying to relive memories with the x-spouse cut out of the picture?

The very first place he took her when she came to CO was to his family cabin, which was the place that he proposed to me.  With her living mainly in a different state while they were dating, I don't think there were many other revisits.  A lot of the places we used to go are no longer around as well.

His engagement ended in August and he has moved back here.  I have no idea what types of dates he has been on and places he visits now.  I only know that he has a POF account and possibly goes on coffee dates with women from on there.  No clue really.
M-41
H-43
S-19
D-17
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Has several dating profiles on POF and another but no major signs of anything new.

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline Slow Fade

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Re: General Questions Thread Cont.
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2017, 12:26:15 PM »
My H actually took a shirt out of my closet and gave it to her. I saw a picture of her and he with her wearing it. Can you say messed up?

Married 18
BD April 2012
Left home Nov 2012
Home May 2016

Offline strongFaith34Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: General Questions Thread Cont.
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2018, 12:49:23 PM »
quick question, MLCer finalized the divorce

do I sign up for my own health insurance and car insurance right away?

Offline Kitty

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Re: General Questions Thread Cont.
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2018, 01:25:02 PM »
Does your MLCer revisit places you have been before ? Are the MLCers trying to relive memories with the x-spouse cut out of the picture?

My H took his OW on the vacation we booked back in September with our group of friends. I guess the whole trip was pretty awkward.

strongFaith34 - It might not be a bad idea to look into your own insurance.
Me 39; H 43
Together 22 years; married 13
No kids, no pets

Grumpy is in an MLC, it doesn't matter what he has said or done. The important thing is, this is all about him and has nothing to do with me.

Offline Thunder

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Re: General Questions Thread Cont.
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2018, 09:50:58 AM »
Bumping this thread up.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline strongFaith34Topic starterTopic starter

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General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2018, 03:42:35 PM »
Can anyone explain why the MLCer only shows normalcy or empathy when they are about to do something hurtful i.e. file for divorce, sell the home?

Do they ever outgrow this touch and go behavior, or is this bipolar behavior their new normal?

Online nah

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #8 on: June 17, 2018, 03:50:52 PM »
I think you answered your own question.  Watch your back when they suddenly seem nice.

As for growing out of their new behavior... each one is different. Almost impossible to predict if they will ever come out.
H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline strongFaith34Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #9 on: June 17, 2018, 05:21:08 PM »
For those who have gone through the process of selling a home with an MLCer. What is the process in dividing the sale of the house. Did the MLCer clean up the rest of the stuff they left behind? Seems like a difficult thing for an MLCer to do, since they ditched most of their stuff to begin their new life with their new identity.

 

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