[Keep believing]

Thanks

[Keep believing]

Anyone know how Mitzpah is doing?

[Dismiss3]

My mlc H keeps finding reasons to put blame on me for how things are or he keeps bringing up “my faults”. Why does he KEEP doing this? Also if he’s been so unhappy with “my faults” and blaming me for everything wrong in the marriage; why wont he just leave me alone? He’s already in an apt and seeing OW since I made him leave🤷🏼‍♀️.

[Thunder]

Hi Melinda, I haven't read all your thread, but it's very typical for clingers to want the best of both worlds.
They still see you as the wife, even though they have someone else.

This is where boundaries are important for you. 
May I ask how he is not leaving you alone?

This may also be a good question to put on your thread so others can chime in and give you advice.

[Dismiss3]

Thunder; I’m new to the site and only have made 1 other post. My H seems to come up with reasons to come to the house (to see our daughters) or use “financial “ as a reason to call. I’m still learning all the “games” a mlc person will do. What happened last night was not good. Our 23 yr old had an incident (medical) and he asked her if he could come and see her and give her a hug. She said no that she wanted to rest and what not. He was insistent and she gave in. He said he wouldn’t stay long. I stayed in my room and my 18 yr old “hid “ in hers (she wants no contact right now). About 10 min after he got here, he was texting me about wanting to go out to eat. I was like hellll no. He ended up coming to room and pretended he needed something from there(nothing of his in room); he ended up wanting to talk/argue. I took him to garage for his boxed belongings and more argument from him went with it. He ended up leaving and THEN he gave my daughter her “hug”. He pretty spend no time with her. This is how he works his crap with me. I’m trying to understand all this; but it gets confusing😂. Why does he only blame me and not blame himself. Ive read all the mlc stages and is it possible to be in several at the same time?

[Thunder]

Melinda I put this out on your thread so you can get more input.

Your thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11410.0

But the answer to you question is yes, they can be in two different stages at the same time, or go back and forth between them, that's why stage watching does you no good.

Hugs. 

[Kamjw]

I’m still trying to figure out where I am in this. Husband left January 25, 2019 with the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”. He moved in with a woman he started messaging 6 weeks before he left. She has 5 children, 5 ex husbands, and about 1/2 dozen ex boyfriends. He spends all his time being a father to her children, while ignoring our own. He allows her to post and tag our children to show him how great of a father he is to hers. We are still attached, but they got “married” September 14, 2019. No matter what happens in his life, it’s my fault. Lost the successful business we built after locking me out and giving her full access right away. This is insane.

[Thunder]

Kamjw,

I am so sorry you are going through this.  You are certainly are not alone.

Nothing you are saying is unusual with someone in a midlife crisis.  They truly lose their mind and do things that will shock you.

Do you have a lawyer to protect you, financially?  It would be the best thing you could do right now.  Also start reading some of the article, they will help you understand what is going on with your husband.

Maybe you could please start a thread to tell us your story.  That way people could join in and try to support you.
Just use "new topic" "your story" (white book) and give it a title, please do not use your real name.

A little more information would be useful.
Like how long you have been married, his age, the age of your children.
Just some background information.

Again I am very sorry this is happening to you.

[MarianTheLibrarian]

The more I read, the more I'm curious about the significance of marrying the affair partner.

For a while I consumed a lot of internet advice websites that said that people don't typically marry their affair partners.  Then, much to my surprise, it happened.  Moreover, they've been "happily" together for about 8 years now.  It's OW's third marriage, H's second.  All statistics on marriage everywhere say that this situation is basically a unicorn.  They should, by all accounts, be doomed to failure.  It's left me wondering two things:

1) Is marriage to the affair partner more likely in an MLC situation than a typical affair? and
2) Are there any known instances of someone marrying the OW/OM and then divorcing them later?

[Thunder]

Hi Marian,

These are such hard questions to answer because there is no real data/statistics to look at, or to go by.  So many different scenario's in play here.

I have seen many over the years. 

I think it may depend on a few things.

- Was the spouse really in a Midlife Crisis or possibly maybe in an unhappy marriage?  This takes a lot of honesty on our part.

- Could it be the people in the marriage have changed over time and really are no longer compatible?

- Sometimes the MLCer remarries, and may be not truly happy but they do not have the courage, or strength it takes to fix things, it's easier to just stay in the marriage their in and make the most of it. 
Or their LBS has moved on and no longer wants to reconcile with them.

8 years is a pretty long time to stay married to someone, but who knows?
I personally would think if things were not good it would not take 8 years to figure that out.

I'll catch up on your thread.  Sorry it's been awhile.

2 Questions:
What makes you think they are happy?  How do you know this?
How have you been moving forward with your life these last 8 years?

Hugs