Author Topic: Discussion General MLC Questions ?  (Read 5778 times)

Offline Not Your Monkey

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Discussion Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #20 on: July 14, 2018, 07:47:19 AM »
It could also be that your H is encouraging her to do this because that is how he likes his women to look.

I knew of a couple in real life that had a very distinctive and unorthodox way of dressing and I think it really had to do with living out a fantasy that sort of is straight out of a Hollywood film. But then the H started an affair with a much younger woman and SHE started dressing the same way as the wife and wearing her hair like the wife and personally my suspicion is in both cases it was a fantasy of the H and he made his wife dress that way and then he made the affair partner do the same thing as she was barely 19 when he got involved with her and now she is in her late 30s and still dresses that way and in fact has a blog devoted to their way of dress now.

Offline Anjae

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #21 on: July 14, 2018, 01:33:38 PM »
Or because it reminds him of his wife. Or maybe OW just decided to replicated the LBS. That happens a lot.

Most men don't have a "this is how I like my women to dress" thing.

With Mr J it is more going with OW to place we have planned to go to.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Thunder

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #22 on: December 25, 2018, 05:59:03 AM »
Thought I would bump this up again because we seem to get a lot of general questions that would benefit everyone to read and discuss on one thread.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2019, 12:57:13 AM by Thunder »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Shining Star

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #23 on: December 31, 2018, 07:15:55 PM »
My exH took the kids away for Thanksgiving to a place we had been before - just the two of us.  He later sent me a text, when they returned, that they had visited a restaurant and he and I had gone, and it was "just as he remembered."  Since we have had NC for 11 months, the text was weird - but it is all weird.
H:56, I am 54
BD: March 2014, Left Sept 2014, Back Nov 2014
Left again in February 2015.  Asked for D on 9/22/15
Said he was "sure" he wanted a D in Dec 2015; 
Admitted long term affair - May 14, 2017 - says he is in love with the "symptom" but wants to build a relationship with me with "clear expectations" WHATEVER THAT MEANS!  Settlement Agreement signed 9/20/17.
Divorce final 3/14/18.
NC - by choice - 1/2018

Online One day at a time

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #24 on: January 04, 2019, 08:05:40 AM »
Is it normal to have palpitations and get extreme anxiety when I see a text, a mail or even someone tagging my H in social media? His sister just tagged him on something in FB and I had a very short but strong mini panic attack.. He's now in a different country, never really monstered and I'm not in fear for my safety so I just can't understand why I get that reaction.
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline xyzcf

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #25 on: January 04, 2019, 11:17:33 AM »
Answered on your thread.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

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Offline In the valley

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #26 on: January 04, 2019, 11:29:58 AM »
ODAT - Idk what's "normal" anymore because non of it seems normal, but I get very high anxiety anytime mine sends a text.  That's partly why I'm not upset I haven't heard from her in about 3 months, even though she's dodging her half of the child expenses.  I'll have to stir the pot again when I get around to filing suit for child support.
M39, W38, D16, S14, S13 at BD. 20yr together married 18
Said I love you every night before bed good physical R
8/31/17 filed for D, left papers at house for me to find. Didn't come home or answer phone.
Moved to her parents house 2 doors down.
9/15/17 discover OM and PA she had the night of BD.
OM 12yr older unemployed in NY city met online leaving to marry him.  Said "I've done things for others my whole life time for me to do something for me", "I deserve to do what makes me happy!"
10/31/2017 left for good.
D final 12/21/2017
Returned once 3/28/18 to visit family.
Convinced D to leave and live with her 6/4/2018
Boys both live with me don't talk to mom.

Offline Thunder

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #27 on: January 04, 2019, 11:43:59 AM »
I agree, you are probably still pretty high on the anxiety chart after all that has happened so you're more sensitive to things like that.

It takes awhile to get anxiety to a more calm level.
Time will help, but your doctor can give you something that can help you for awhile.  Nothing strong just something to help calm the anxiety.
I think a lot of people have had to take something, temporarily.

Anxiety plays all kinds of tricks with your body.  It's better to get it under control.

Hope that helps some, One Day.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #28 on: January 04, 2019, 11:48:51 AM »
One Day:  Great question!  I had that happen to me.  No reason at all.   I was standing in line at the store.  I suddenly had to leave.  Dropped all my stuff on the counter and managed to walk out.  Sat in my car on the verge of tears trying to catch my breathe for 20 minutes.  Once I could breathe the tears came.   

Looking back, standing there alone triggered something in me.  I shopped alone before so that didn't bother me....I think it was memories of us doing shopping together and having fun.   That was over a year ago.   I talked to my IC about it and she helped me with more mirror work and I had some afterwards....My biggest thing was accepting the triggers and not fighting them.  My IC helped me with breathing exercises to help relax when ever I felt one starting before it got too bad.   Eventually we figured out some triggers and that helped. 

In short....I faced them and didn't try to run from them and eventually they went away...for now.   I know I can handle them if they come back!
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs (he left them all behind - taking care of them but not really visiting or interacting with them yet)

Online One day at a time

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #29 on: January 04, 2019, 12:13:28 PM »
Thanks for all the responses. Ok, good to know I'm not gone completely insane then..

xyzcf, thanks for your explanation, I replied on my thread too..

ITV, I know, we crave their presence and attention but we don't want it either.. It's really mind-blowing!! I have 3 different reasons to contact H and I'm putting it off because even thinking about it makes me very anxious..  I get frustrated with myself for having these reactions which makes things even worse.

Thunder, you might be right.. If I think about the weight I lost and the fact that I haven't put it back on despite over indulging a lot more than before, it's probably down to stress and anxiety. I take magnesium twice a day to help me with my nerves but I might need something stronger.. If I can't get a handle on it, I will discuss with my doctor..

Sam, the list of triggers in endless! I completely understand the supermarket scene, I actually started going to a different supermarket because the whole shopping experience was too much for me. I went to IC earlier this year and she taught me breathing exercises too now that I think of it but I was so traumatized I think I just used the sessions to cry.. I've been thinking about going back for a while so now I feel a bit stronger, I might get more out of it.

What makes all of this worse is that people in RL think I should be fine, move on, forget about it all.. They really don't get all the trauma we need to get over and all the side effects we are left with..
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

 

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