Author Topic: Discussion General MLC Questions ?  (Read 5674 times)

Offline Milly

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Discussion Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #40 on: May 18, 2019, 01:56:10 PM »
The Intermittent Liminality article is in the Blog articles list.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline Anjae

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #41 on: May 18, 2019, 02:05:17 PM »
https://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/midlife-crisis-and-infidelity/intermittent-liminality/ - Intermittent Liminality

parts of the article:

"Recall that the seeds of each stage begin in the preceding stage. Whether an MLCer’s main Liminality is intermittent or not, most will begin with Intermittent Liminality as part of their transition from Escape & Avoid. They will initially dip a toe into the liminal pool, venturing deeper on later visits, but at this point they are still in Escape & Avoid. Eventually they will go deep enough to drink the liminal water—liminal poison."

"Liminality may be a distinct phase where a person goes into a liminal space and stays there until they climb out of the liminal space. But that is not how it is for everyone. Life goes on and not everyone has the opportunity or ability to withdraw from life and functionality. For some, Intermittent Liminality may be their main method of going liminal. They take their liminal space as they can get it: weekends away or spent in solitude, mini vacations—either leaving or staying home."

"But what if they are still in a relationship with the same person from Replay?
Intermittent Liminality is part of the Limbo transition and thus it begins in Escape & Avoid. This may be the period when the relationship ends. The boundary between Escape & Avoid and Liminality is subjective, there is usually not one moment where they are in one and then they cross into the next a moment later. The affair is likely coming to an end, but as with everything, that is a process. "

The whole article is worth reading.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Thunder

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #42 on: May 18, 2019, 07:11:50 PM »
Thanks Anjae.

I never, in all these years, read that article.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Keep believing

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #43 on: May 19, 2019, 01:34:42 AM »
My question was , can rcr expand on the subject?  please  I know timelines arent an exact but curious.   Is limbo considered around the end of replay?

Offline Thunder

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #44 on: May 19, 2019, 06:52:23 AM »
I don't know.  I hope RCR reads this so she can answer you.

As far as I know they don't all go into limbo.  It's not really a stage, some just get stuck I guess.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Mitzpah

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #45 on: May 19, 2019, 11:48:55 AM »
Kb,

From what I remember reading about stage obsession - people get stuck in replay. Not in limbo or liminality

That is what I observe with my h. - he is stuck in replay - quite different from the beginning, not high replay. He is quite conversant with the kids, he can be quite nice with most people... He is just very active in replay activities (fixing motorcycles) and very sure that he doesn't want to come home. He is showing to the world that his relationship with ow is his ideal.

I am thankful for the good relationship he has with our children.

Whether he will ever look in my direction, who knows? It has been over eight years now
M 58
H 58
S 27
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline Anjae

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #46 on: May 20, 2019, 12:39:19 PM »
You're welcome, Thunder.

Keep, Limbo is not a stage, it is a phase between stages:

https://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/midlife-crisis-and-infidelity/limbo-the-threshold-between-phases/ - Limbo: The Threshold Between Phases

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_progress_back-limbo-forward.html - Back-Limbo-Forward--Repeat

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_progress_back-limbo-forward_limbo.html - Limbo


What Mitz said, if they are going to get stuck, MLCers will be stuck in Replay. What may happen in limbo (the one between Replay and Liminality) or liminality is that they may get so depressed they will try to kill themselves.

No one knows the timelines. They are different for each MLCer.


Maybe reading and re-reading the articles may help you, Keep?

https://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/archives/ - Blog articles

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html - Main articles
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Keep believing

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #47 on: May 23, 2019, 02:19:51 AM »
What i read is most get stuck in limbo?  Im assuming this is when the high from replay doesnt do it for them anymore but continue because they dont know what else to do.
RCR is this correct?

Offline Anjae

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #48 on: May 24, 2019, 09:59:12 AM »
Did you read RCR articles, Keep?

If they continue in Replay because they don't know what else to do, they are still in Replay. They will only move from Replay if they reach Liminality.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Keep believing

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Re: General MLC Questions ?
« Reply #49 on: September 17, 2019, 02:30:13 AM »
I was looking for the article in which the mlcer gives reasons that he  wont/cant  come back.  can you help me find it? particularly the one about too much damage , Thanks

 

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