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Author Topic: Discussion General MLC Questions ?

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Discussion Re: General MLC Questions ?
#110: December 19, 2023, 10:50:42 AM
Q
How can you really protect finances when spouse has CC and ability to get more credit ?  I see no way to insulate against addtl debt piling up ..

I read about truth darts 🎯 and was looking for more examples of some ?
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WHY

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General MLC Questions ?
#111: December 19, 2023, 03:47:31 PM
You need to file for divorce.  That puts a time stamp on joint debts.  Any debt taken on after that date is the MLCers problem.  And they cannot open new debt facilities legally without your permission once you’ve filed. 

If you don’t file.  It’s a free for all and can lead to financial ruin very quickly.   Any debt they incur if you haven’t filed for divorce, is your debt too. 
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« Last Edit: December 19, 2023, 03:48:55 PM by WHY »
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General MLC Questions ?
#112: December 20, 2023, 01:34:06 AM
Quote from: WHY on December 19, 2023, 03:47:31 PM
You need to file for divorce.  That puts a time stamp on joint debts.  Any debt taken on after that date is the MLCers problem.  And they cannot open new debt facilities legally without your permission once you’ve filed. 

If you don’t file.  It’s a free for all and can lead to financial ruin very quickly.   Any debt they incur if you haven’t filed for divorce, is your debt too.

Not necessarily divorce but you do need to take legal action to put a fence around what is joint  debt (pre-BD) and individual debt incurred after BD. Check to see what laws apply in your locality - could be separation, could be divorce, could be something different.... but the bottom line is to put a line under it to make sure you are legally protected from the vagaries of the MLC spending Sprees....
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Me - 61, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 17, D - 13
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
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Re: General MLC Questions ?
#113: December 20, 2023, 03:21:55 PM
Another Q.

My wife doesn’t blame me at all - says I’ve done nothing wrong and this is her journey. Doesn’t monster, say nasty things, has told me and the kids this is all on her and her unhappy feelings w everything in her life rn.
With that being said when she sees me she can cycle from being up to down. Around the kids and my dad (just today) she was happy, fun, energetic but towards me , distant with no direct conversation. I cooked myself & ate dinner while she was in living room for 20+ minutes and all she said was did I feed the dog ?

I get the impression I remind her this is her life and bring her down ?
This make sense ?
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Re: General MLC Questions ?
#114: December 20, 2023, 04:42:25 PM
Quote from: lost88 on December 20, 2023, 03:21:55 PM
Another Q.

My wife doesn’t blame me at all - says I’ve done nothing wrong and this is her journey. Doesn’t monster, say nasty things, has told me and the kids this is all on her and her unhappy feelings w everything in her life rn.
With that being said when she sees me she can cycle from being up to down. Around the kids and my dad (just today) she was happy, fun, energetic but towards me , distant with no direct conversation. I cooked myself & ate dinner while she was in living room for 20+ minutes and all she said was did I feed the dog ?

I get the impression I remind her this is her life and bring her down ?
This make sense ?

Not all monster.  But most do and some take time to get there. 

Mine turned and went full walking dead around 5-6 months after BD.  Before that, no monster.  After that.  A soulless, cruel zombie that consumes everything in her path. 

As their journey progresses, and as more external fixes don’t stick, their rage increases, and she’ll start to blame you her feelings of despair.  She won’t only blame you.  She’ll find ways to take it out on you and her actions will be justified in her mind. 

Give it time.  You’ll see monster soon enough.   Best thing I did was to get out of monsters way and let her eat herself. 
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« Last Edit: December 20, 2023, 04:44:59 PM by WHY »
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General MLC Questions ?
#115: January 15, 2024, 01:12:02 PM
So many on here get the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you speech'. Has anyone ever advised what the best RESPONSE to that is from the LBS perspective who wants to stand for their marriage? thanks
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#116: January 15, 2024, 04:17:21 PM
My now XH said a version of that to me and my response was that love was a choice and not a feeling and where he put his energy was where he would find that love. If he was choosing not to love me that was a choice.

Just know that nothing you say will change how he feels now, but you can put that truth dart out there.
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« Last Edit: January 15, 2024, 04:52:17 PM by MadLuv »
There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
June 2022 XH bring OW to meet family due to xMIL illness
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife
May 2024 xMIL visits XH/OW in their new home
Aug 2024 cut relations w/XH fam.
Dec 2024 D33 expecting baby ( XH not told)
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WHY

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General MLC Questions ?
#117: January 15, 2024, 06:52:04 PM
Quote from: amazinglove on January 15, 2024, 01:12:02 PM
So many on here get the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you speech'. Has anyone ever advised what the best RESPONSE to that is from the LBS perspective who wants to stand for their marriage? thanks

When LBS gets this speech, they have no idea what's going on and likely havent found this site yet or heard about MLC, so I dont think it matters much.

What this speech means to me is that "Im not in love with you, because Im in love with someone else".  Pro LBS should probably respond by saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" and go back to cooking your pasta. 
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General MLC Questions ?
#118: January 16, 2024, 11:42:31 AM
If I could go back to that time I got this speech, I would pack all his clothes and open the door for him.
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Me 43 at BD
H    45 at BD
Married 11 yrs at BD, no kids,
BD May 2019 (I moved out Nov 2019)
EA or PA with ex gf (not sure), H spent 3 nights with the hoe during our vacation in July 2019, it was a friendly encounter according to H
H wanted D April 2020 seeing suspected OW2 (divorced with two kids) and 2 years older than him, H didn’t file the D
Clinging boomerang
6/21 H moved in with me; kicked him out 01/22
H turned into a vanisher, wants a Divorce, OW 3 (16 years younger and extreme sporty)
14.11.22 Divorce final, I'm done
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General MLC Questions ?
#119: January 17, 2024, 12:06:42 AM
How about

"Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya."
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Me - 61, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 17, D - 13
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
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