Author Topic: My Story The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle  (Read 3606 times)

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Here's a link to my old threads: -

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9089.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8631.150

Quick recap: I kicked ex out in December 2016 after he repeatedly spent full nights out. I haven't had the ilybinilwy speech but did have "I love you but I don't think we should live together" in August 2015.

He's now with ow but I'm not sure of the living situation. I don't think they live together but don't spend a night apart. She has 3 young sons and they work together.

In response to your last comment, Philly. We did discuss our kids meeting ow and he said it wasn't going to happen until we agreed because "they're nothing to do with her". The next week, she tagged along to their visit.

There's been a lot of MLer nonsense tonight.

I'm not sure if I've said it on here but my son has had some blood tests done and he has to visit a geneticist to see the full implications of these tests.

He's also got a lot of intervention at school as he has an IEP (something I wasn't aware of until last week).

Anyway, he paediatrician stressed that I need to make MLer  aware of what was going on. She kept telling me I couldn't do it alone and he needs to know.

As it sounds pretty serious (and the things I've been reading about it aren't good), i bit the bullet and messaged him saying we needed to meet up.

He was surprisingly fine with it until he went back home. And then it started with "why can't it be discussed over the phone", then "I don't have time", "You're playing mind games", "the kids were mistakes" to "I tried to be right with you and deal with you nicely but you have too many issues".

He's lucky he wasn't in front of me because I wouldve swung for him! Say what you want about me but dont say anything bad about my kids. Sheesh.

I dont feel that some thing as important as that should be discussed over the phone.

Anyway, I'm not trying now. He can find out through a letter from a geneticist asking about family history.

 My kids, mistakes? Never. Maybe their dad was but they weren't. Its amazing the levels they go to to try get an argument out of you. He didn't though. He got told a proper dad wouldn't say something like that (then added that he's a better pretend dad than real one). I think ow told him he wasn't allowed to play out with me.

Absolutely fuming right now!

He said he could come to my house one night after work but as it's about the kids, i dont want them to be there. I don't want them thinking theres anything "wrong" with them.
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2017, 02:20:35 PM »
I like the title of your new thread.

Sorry to hear about your son and I really hope everything goes better than you fear. I went through a stage with my daughter when she was 4-6 when she showed all the symptoms of lymphoma but the blood tests came back clear. We were stumped, the doctors were stumped. But the pain and fear was VERY real. Everyday I said I would take it from her if I could.

Things worked out for us, and my daughter is fine thank god. I hope that things work out for you as well.

It really does make you treasure them even more, and make you SUPER protective (like mom's need anymore reason to be  ::)).
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2017, 02:49:02 PM »
Hi mortesbride! Welcome to my new thread. My title is something we at HS all need to remember when dealing with this nonsense. I'm unfamiliar with your journey but will catch up when I have a minute.

I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. He's had 2 in depth  blood tests with the same thing come up. One was more detailed than the other and that's the one that said we have to see a geneticist.

How can I possibly work with him when he's acting like a child?
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2017, 02:54:55 PM »
Attaching

Wow, he will come to regret saying that the kids are mistakes.  Sad.
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back
1 year later no signs of anyone new - workaholic


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline bipolared

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2017, 03:01:15 PM »
I love your thread title.

I hope your son is ok.  Even with all the amazingly awful $h!te I've heard, I can't believe he said the mistake thing.  Good for you keeping your head, though. FaithWalker is right, he will regret that.
I'm not looking for my other half because I'm not half a person.

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2017, 03:39:58 PM »
For anyone not in the know, I stopped him seeing them (well, taking them. I have no problem with him coming to see them at my house or somewhere else if he guarantees someone responsible will be there) after a string of irresponsible goings on. He locked them in a room so he could go get drunk with his friends (he lives above his pub), he told them ow was his girlfriend 6 weeks after us splitting up, he let ow take D (9 then) out alone a week after knowing they were together (ow is bipolar and doesn't take her meds on the weekend, she was having a manic episode this weekend), he forgot to feed them, he let ow take both my kids out with her kids and there weren't enough seats in the car, he forgot to feed them but the final straw was when D came back and told me he had told S4 off for not being able to speak properly. Later MLer was trying to put S his shoes on and told ow "it's like having a disabled child". This was after spending the entire day in bed, telling the kids to shut up!

Tonight, he's actually said "the kids will see you for what you are and I will show them all the paperwork so they see how hard I fought for them".

I won't lower myself to show them anything to make them think badly of their dad but I think a text message saying they're mistakes will trump anything that hes said to prove he cares.

He said "I love them and they love me so I don't see what the problem is".

I feel like I'm living in an alternative universe. How can he say what he said and then say he loves them in the same conversation? Surely someone capable of love isn't capable of calling their kids mistakes to try hurt their ex? I cannot believe the rubbish that comes from that man. I'm not saying it's not come from him, but its something that's typical of ow. Idiots. I don't want him anywhere near them now. He doesn't deserve their time. It's not my call to make though, it's theirs.

I just can't believe he would say something as cruel to point score. All he's done and all he's ever going to do is use the kids as a way of hurting me. That's the only thing that works. I'm beyond mad
« Last Edit: November 22, 2017, 03:42:10 PM by What now »
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2017, 04:40:28 AM »
Quote
How can I possibly work with him when he's acting like a child?

How 'bout....

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2017, 05:32:00 AM »
What now,

I remember your story well.  I can't believe he's still with that lunatic.
I mostly can't get my head around what he said about his kids.  Un-fricken-believable.
Sick man.

I guess with his poor attitude and anger issues I would let him find out for himself about his S.

I hope the testing shows only mild problems and he can get some help.
I'll say a prayer for him, What now.

Big Hug for you.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2017, 08:21:08 AM »
Hahahaha, UM! If only! You cant smack sense into stupid but I'm willing to give it a go with him.............😉😂

Thanks for saying a prayer Thunder. Whatever happens though, he has me and I will make sure he gets every bit of help he needs.

I can't believe he's still with that nutter either! They've got a typical teenage relationship going on. On and off and full of drama.

What else I can't believe is how he was fine about meeting to discuss the kids and he got home to ow and suddenly he's too busy?! That's when the spew tumbles out. I no longer have time for his abuse.

I'm seeing him next week at a meeting with D's paediatrician to discuss her diagnosis (didn't want to drop S' s issues on him at the same time). I'm going to tell him to either step up or step out because the kids need someone who isn't going to throw them under the bus as a way of trying to punish/annoy me. What he said was beyond cruel.

Anyway, he will find out by himself today, the letter came about S (weird timing) so he will have a copy. I'm letting him figure the rest out for himself.
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2017, 03:32:54 PM »
So, its a year tomorrow that BD happened. I'm cycling but not as much as I thought I would. My goodness I've come so far in a year but I know I still have far to go. I've come to quite a few realisations this past week but first a bit of nonsense I had to deal with after that exchange of texts.

He got the letter about S. His response was that I had somehow blagged the doctors head and I have munchasens! I just replied saying how it came about that S got referred to a paediatrician and I allowed the blood test but i couldn't help not predict the results. I told him how I feel we should pull together to help our kids and not give them more to deal with by being at each other's necks.

I know you cannot influence them in any way but I cannot deal with monster, I have too much other stuff going on.

He replied saying he wouldve pulled together with me but I had pushed him away and sometimes the kids struggle to recognise him. Hmm.

I just stuck to what I felt was important and told him to read the letter he got and ask me whatever he wanted.

Queue monster. He started explaining that he was trying to build a better life for us and I sit on my him all day finding fault with our children! He seems to forget I helped him build that business and without the support he got from me, it wouldn't ve the success it is today. And I was raising 2 quirky kids, running a home and looking after his parents (his mum is now in a home. I was the one who took care of her and now I'm not there, look at what happens to her).

I said nothing in response, just that I'm not interested in going around in circles. Just that I need him to be on board for what we've got coming up and it would be good if he could make a start on finding out his families medical history.

Now, I'm controlling, I'm playing games, trying to get my kids on meds, I won't let him help so how is he supposed to.

I then flip, tell him I'm not interested in arguing, whatever we have going on we have to push to one side for our children. I then said if he wants to talk then I will talk but I'm not being bashed and if I get bashed, the conversation will end.

He replied that I can go get firetrucked and he only wants to talk to me if I give him his parental rights and until then, there s no reason for us to speak so to delete his number.

We then went for the appointment with the paediatrician. He was being a complete idiot in there. Before we went in, he asked me why I was being such a b!tch and why I wouldn't let him have the kids. I told him that it's because he's an irresponsible parent and when his attitude changes and he grows up a bit, my attitude will change.He quipped back "you're irresponsible". "Ok".

Told her "share D's diagnosis but make sure you write down that I didn't want it sharing"
"How can SHE get away with getting my children assessed for this, that and the other when there s nothing wrong with them. She has no rights, no rights at all and I think she should be assessed"
The paediatrician  went through the history and told him how each child got referred and ended it with "so it wasn't her. Even if it was, she is their mother and she spends time with them so would probably notice things before everyone else. Your children do have setbacks that they need help with and they are lucky they have someone on the ball like their mum".

He also threw a few things out there "I only see them 10 minutes a week because she's being a complete idiot".

She ended the appointment by saying, and looking directly at him, "whatever issues you have with each other need to be put aside now for your children. They need you to be able to communicate. They are both more vulnerable than others their age and they cannot handle the animosity. You need to co-operate and communicate to get the best for them".

We walked out of the appointment and went back to our cars in complete silence.

We haven't communicated about anything since.

Why do I still have a massive ball of anger in the MLer? Why has he not stopped it yet?

I have come to my own conclusion. It's ow. I know he has a mind of his own and chooses to act like that but she has his balls firmly in her pocket because she's majorly insecure.

When I message him and she's not around, he's fine. He's agreeable and I can talk to him without a major outburst. Then he goes home, I assume she chirps in his ear and then what comes out of her mouth gets spewed at me. That's my conclusion anyway. He cannot think for himself, not properly.
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

 

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