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Author Topic: My Story The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle

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I am really glad you have decided to do something about it.

I know all about childish MLCers. Mine has tried to talk through the kids, tried to talk through MIL. I point blank refused to do it. I told MIL ''With all do respect this has nothing to do with you. If Beast wants to see the kids he knows my number, he knows where we live, he has me on FB. If and when he decides he wants contact with the kids I will be more than happy to speak with him about it''. They tried a few times with the ''He wants to know x,'' or he would say ''Yeah just arrange it with MIL'' and I said...''No. I will wait for you to contact me. It is not my job to arrange things with your mother'', if she tried to text for him I either ignored it or said ''Well I will speak to him about it and let you know''.

It took a few months of me being really firm that I would not contact him through third parties but he eventually cut that crap out.

If yours doesn't catch the message then 3rd party is certainly the answer. My next move was to arrange official visits in a contact centre if I had to, but I refused to be disrespected like that. You can't be married to me, sleep with me, have three kids with me for over a decade then act like a petulant child behind your mother's skirts.  ::)

You got this.  :-*
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You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

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Thanks all for your support. It does mean a lot.

As it's a holiday here in the UK, I can't do anything until tomorrow.

The only thing that's held me back is the negative experience I've already had with the court system. It didn't matter what he had done, how long he hadn't really seen them for or how abusive he was to me, they still favoured him. It didn't matter that he doesn't see either kids as having additional needs. It didn't matter about their needs and what I said needed to happen to make it successful. Everything was ruled in his favour. It didn't even matter about the kids so now the schedule is all over the place and the kids don't know whether they're coming or going.

It left a bitter taste in my mouth. They saw me as a resentful ex who stopped him seeing his kids because I didn't like his new relationship. I'm just worried about it happening again.

The only thing that can go in my favour is that different family charities calling for an enquiry into family courts as they are secretive and they're not held to account when things go wrong. They're looking at the cases of children who have been killed or abused in the absent parents care. These are parents who are known to be abusive yet Are still granted contact. Fingers crossed I get listened to more this time and the kids needs are actually met.

As for speaking through D, I have been firm since we split up over 2 years ago and he still tries. The courts told him this was unacceptable and wasn't allowed so who knows what they'll make of it
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« Last Edit: May 27, 2019, 08:44:02 AM by What now »
BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 19 years his junior with 3 young kids

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What now, I'm so angry at the rotten OW and your H for allowing this situation. I agree with everything the others have said. Go to court and get it officialized that OW has no place making decisions on the days your H gets to see his kids, and she is harming your D by making her lie to her mother. I am outraged at this woman.

I personally would not confront her. She has no place discussing your kids. Your H does though. Now, my H refuses to communicate with me too regarding my S. S is now 14 so I let him go through him, but that's because S now tells him straight. When he was younger, I insisted on communicating with my H although it caused monster and sometimes H didn't see S, which probably made OW happier. However, it's more important that your D not be placed in this awful, powerless position where there is a fair mother on one side, and a conniving OW on the other.

You did well to speak to your D about it, too. It's unfair she's put in this place, but it's also wrong to protect the OW instead of you. Values and priorities.

I'm just so sorry that this is happening to both you and D. Sweet little boy of yours to pluck up the courage and let out. I hope he doesn't feel responsible for opening a can of worms, because what he did was so admirable.

Good luck with the courts. I just wanted to let you know that I believe you are absolutely right in wanting to do something about this situation. Best of luck.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Your situation sounds terrible. My son is on the Autistic spectrum. He has counselling through CAMHS, which is really helpful. He even had one session with his MLC Dad, which was designed to address some of his worries and answer questions he hadn't ever gotten from his dad.

Do you think counselling might benefit your daughter? Sorry if she's already having counselling. I just really saw progress with my son who has Aspergers.

It was really useful. My son doesn't have overnights with my ex, but he is around his dad once a week and OW is ALWAYS around.

I hear things about their relationship and him that really make me shake my head in wonderment as to what goes on in his head, but it's not to a level that you have to endure.

This weekend, on the way back from a day out with the kids, he and OW pulled over and tried to take a Brexit banner down from a lamp post as my ex was so enraged with the slogan. My son text me from the car as they left the kids in the car to pull this sign down. They couldn't get the sign down.

Maybe it's just me, but I find that odd from someone who is almost 40. Free speech and all that. Bonkers!
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I haven't commented here before, I just want to add my words of support.  I have children with such needs as well, and unfortunately I also know that it didn't seem to make any difference with the courts, although luckily I didn't have to go through those too much.

My H also tried to completely downplay those needs; he has had moments of recognising them, but those are just that -- moments -- and otherwise it's just me. 

I didn't get much luck with CAMHS either, but only because they are so overstretched, rather than them not believing. 

I also see how you have put on your big girl pants and been a parent, well done on speaking honestly to your D.  That is one of the hard things we have to do here, taking a deep breath and saying things like that.  The fact that their father has gone off doesn't make it right to lie, or in fact behave badly in any way. Well done you. 

What I can say is that persevering with how you are handling this will pay dividends, your children will see you as the stable and clear-headed parent, and I can say from experience that they turn into decent human beings that way.  I know it's hard, but keep going, it is the best way.

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