Author Topic: My Story The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle  (Read 3607 times)

Offline What nowTopic starter

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My Story Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #80 on: December 06, 2018, 02:07:21 PM »
Thanks for dropping by FW and Mortes.

Well, it's been an age since I updated because I've had a lot on. Seeing as it's my 2 year BD anniversary tomorrow (as well as 16 years since we first got together and my birthday!), I thought I would update a bit.

I've started taking SD21 to work on a regular basis. She works down the road from D11's school so I drop them off at the same time (when she's not sleeping in). She often asks after her dad but I don't tell her anything I know because I still treat her like one of my own so she gets to know as much as they do. The younger 2 are loving seeing their sister more regularly.

I went speed dating with my friend! It was a bit of a laugh and I went more as a wingwoman than anything else. I even managed to get a few people interested. I don't know how, I gave out the worst vibes 😂 we also got home in the early hours because there was a train strike. I was in a busy city, surrounded by students and felt every bit my age. It was good fun though.

My car has died. Well, not died. The engine started smoking and it turns out someone who I had work on it didn't do the work but still charged for it. The radiator has gone (something that was replaced 51 weeks ago!) Something I didn't need. I can't afford to sort it because I'm paying my solicitor

Now for the juicy part- court and MLCer shenanigans!

We were in court last week and a report had to be done to determine how much time he should spend with the kids and if it's safe. We both got interviewed and I was asked the question "why do you think he has taken it to court" and I just said I didn't have a clue but I don't think he was happy with the amount of time he gets with the kids. He was asked why he thought I had stopped him seeing the kids, I did it "out of spite" and contact had ceased because my attempts at reconciliation had been declined by him in 2017. But he said that contact had stopped in 2018. And that contact had been successful for 6 months and he had been able to have the kids whenever. His interview was full of nonsense. He self reported how much alcohol he drank and it came back there was a problem with alcohol.

Anyway, in court, the magistrates didn't seem like they had time for him. He hadn't done his drug test. They asked him about that and he had 3 different excuses. He didn't think I would pay my half (had done ages ago). He thought he total cost was double what it was - not a chance. The person who was organising it had explained to him the price and he agreed. Then he wouldn't answer the phone to them when they wanted to arrange it. And the last excuse was that he didn't have the money this close to Christmas, to which the judge replied "had you done it when you was ordered to then Christmas wouldn't be an issue"

Because he hadn't done the drug test, the magistrates weren't happy with giving him much contact at all. He has 2 supported contact sessions in a contact centre. I also argued for the kids that they should get to see him around Christmas so he has 90 minutes on boxing day.

They didn't want to give him that because he was pushing for it to be at his home with ow and her kids. Due to the issues both of my kids have (which both schools have reported), he was told he was expecting too much too soon. Also, D has said that she doesn't want ow there so she's not allowed near. He was supposed to start contact every other week with just him and the kids and every Wednesday after school after the 2 contact centre sessions. If the drug test results come back positive, contact at the centre can still go ahead at the contact centre but nothing else can happen.

Then it goes back to court on 9th January. He said in his interview that me saying he was using cocaine was a malicious allegation.  He also said I had been encouraging the kids to call him by his first name (because of S going through that phase when you discover your parents have actual names so you call them by it) and that the kids have slammed the door in his face (they haven't) because I've told them to. And I've also been screaming at him in front of them. Pure projection.

ow still has some checks to come back. Both MLCer and ow have got things come back on their police checks but the courts weren't particularly concerned about them.

D had to be interviewed. The person who interviewed her said that he had never spoken to a child who was so happy to share their feelings without fear of upsetting anyone and that I had been doing a good job of making the kids not feel like they have to take sides! Both schools said the kids were doing brilliantly and they had no concerns.

I've got an appointment booked next week because the drug test came back positive! I can't believe it. Now we know why he wouldn't do the test. To be continued.......
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

Offline Treasur

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #81 on: December 06, 2018, 11:48:07 PM »
You are doing so well, and how lovely that for once the legal system is seeing that and prioritising your kids needs. And your daughter sounds delightful!
Guess the drug test wasn't a big surprise? Sad though, but better to have independent proof and to be realistic about it. I suspect the January court date will be no more comfortable for him than the last date given that...

I hope you all have a lovely drama-free Christmas.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #82 on: December 07, 2018, 02:04:27 AM »
So, he popped positive on the drug test... gee... Imagine my surprise....

Isn't his OW the druggie?

He really seems to have to keep digging his own hole despite he's already deep in it... <smh>
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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