Author Topic: My Story The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle  (Read 6548 times)

Offline What nowTopic starter

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My Story Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #90 on: January 15, 2019, 10:18:08 AM »
Thank so much mortes.

I know he's to be kept informed of school things and appointments. When we first broke up, I asked that school and others mail things to him. The paediatrician actually put him on the system for him to be copied in on everything. It just annoys me that I've already done this, he's saying he's not receiving them (he's living with ow and I have no address for him) yet it's my fault he doesn't get anything and I'm the one who has to sort it out. I will just ask school to give me 2 copies of everything and put it in the book we have about contact. He refuses to communicate with me. It's pathetic

D isn't wanting to go because it's been sooooo long since she spent time with him and she told the children's court worker that contact was sporadic before. It's also because she hates change, especially when she hasnt had time to process it. I told her it will take a while to adjust but it will become the new normal soon enough. She also feel her dad doesn't care about her because of the way he's been with her and she's terrified he will be horrible about S.

I will take your advice on board, thanks so much for taking the time to walk me through it. I'm going to see how it goes for them and maybe look for an advocate for them should the time come that one is needed. I want to be involved as little as possible if we have to go to court again. It's frustrating how easy I am made out to be the crazy one.

Thanks again mortes
BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 19 years his junior with 3 young kids

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #91 on: February 03, 2019, 06:09:15 AM »
Bit of an update.

Apparently, SS has been involved in a stabbing. Rumour has it that he did the stabbing. D overheard a conversation between S'S and MLCer. It irked me because he had the kids for 3 hours. I feel he could have spoke  about it afterwards. It's also ridiculous for a 26 year old man to be doing this. I have no words.

He's still going through D to talk. I sent him an email saying if he turned up without car seats he wouldn't be taking them. He wasn't happy and sent a couple of emails back that were ignored. He then told D that he had car seats (she didn't know what to say) and also told her he's getting a contact book for me ans him and if I have anything to say I can say it through that. I'm still going to use email. I feel its the best way of keeping it away from the kids.

He still doesn't talk. I'm still the devil incarnate and it's getting boring now. I'm frustrated about not being able to co-parent. It's ridiculous. I know it will take as long as it takes but it's tiresome. Having to parent alone then having even more work to do to clean up after them (mlcer).

Then D has messaged me today (the kids are with him) saying that ows kids call her dad, dad and they're not even related with a crying emoji. I just told her that's what happens when people who already have kids live together. I'm not bothered in the slightest (which I was surprised at) but D is so I'm going have to comfort her and reassure her now when he should really be doing it.

Just wish he could see what he was doing to the kids and how it's all making them feel. He's had girlfriends with kids before and they've never called him dad. I was on the phone to my brother when the message came through and he feels it's ows doing. Told him I didn't care, he's their parent and he needs to reassure them.

S said something today as well. He said dad has 2 places to live. I know he's moved in with ow but he still hasn't given up his room at the pub. Why would he be keeping a hold of it?

And it goes on..........rant over
BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 19 years his junior with 3 young kids

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #92 on: February 05, 2019, 07:49:48 PM »
Awww poor D.  This crap is so hard on the kids.  Especially because it's pretty inevitable that they don't last.  And then what are her kids supposed to think when they never see the man they had been told to call Dad?  Ugh.
M-41
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

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Offline OffRoad

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #93 on: February 06, 2019, 12:03:37 AM »
Stick with the email. You get to keep copies and a contact book can "disappear", have pages ripped out, or have things written in after the fact. Email is  time stamped.

I am sorry for your D. The poor kids in all of this..... :(
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline Whyus

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #94 on: February 06, 2019, 02:47:35 AM »
Stick with the email. You get to keep copies and a contact book can "disappear", have pages ripped out, or have things written in after the fact. Email is  time stamped.
This, dont let him bully you. A contact book? WTF?
So sorry for your Kids and for you. stay strong.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
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W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
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Offline Milly

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #95 on: February 06, 2019, 02:06:04 PM »
Just catching up. I agree with the others, just email. A contact book sounds very much like a bully tactic. Only he is deciding that this is the way to go. It's not for him to decide. Co-parenting means deciding together about the children.

I'm sorry for your D. I'm glad you're not too upset by OW's kids calling your H dad, that is good. However, I do understand that to your D it might feel like OW's kids are 'stealing' her dad. I do think you did well to not make a big deal of it and to let your D know that it's quite normal in these situations.

Your H keeping the room in the pub? He's not sure yet whether his new living arrangements with OW and her kids is going to be permanent. He will probably give it up just because OW will be pressuring him for money and that will seem like the easiest way to access some extra money. However, it still shows that he's not convinced.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #96 on: February 07, 2019, 10:15:17 AM »
Thanks for dropping by Offroad, Whyus and Milly.

It's just strange for my kids seeing their dad being called dad by someone else. He's had girlfriends with kids before and always insisted they call him by his first name because SD21 always called her step dad, dad and it hurt him. They don't want to go with him any more but it's not my circus. I will encourage it but not force it.

I feel for their actual dad but I'm not sure he has contact with them. Either way, it's confusing for the kids involved and it's not nice for their dad. There would be something to say if it was our kids calling someone else dad. Suppose it's part of the "perfect life" fantasy. With his new dog. New house. New family and a woman who is transforming into me. Living the dream 😂

He's already sent a message in "the book" asking if he can cancel on the 17th and reorganise it. I'm telling him no because he wanted the Sunday's so badly and I already have plans. I can't make him pick them up though so will see what happens and what the kids want to do.

I don't think he will give up the room  if he hasn't already. Its been 2 years. It's his pub so there's no extra cost involved.

And I'm going email and insist he does the same or get one of those co-parenting apps so we can share other stuff.

Silly that we have to do this but until he stops blaming me for everything, this is the way it has to be.

Something that made me laugh today- my S6 has MLCer logic! I had a conversation with him and D because my car is a state. Full of rubbish from them both. Tissues and sweet wrappers mainly. I told them I would get them a container each for them to dispose of their rubbish and S pipes up "the mess is your fault" :o apparently, if I didn't give them the tissues and the snacks and drinks, it wouldn't be a mess. Go figure. Reminded me of MLCer, not being able to take responsibility for his actions 😂
BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 19 years his junior with 3 young kids

Online Philadelphiagirl

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #97 on: February 07, 2019, 01:15:08 PM »
Hey WN, good to read an update from you - just catching up! I don't like the use of the notebook either. It is unnecessary and as OFFR said pages could be taken from it etc. He shouldn't be using a book to pass on messages. Stand your ground with your emails - you being an adult! I'm still co-parenting alone so I don't have much advice on that front but I hope that things improve on the communication front for you soon, take care, PG xxx   

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #98 on: February 10, 2019, 02:20:37 PM »
I agree with everyone else, stick to emails.

Something that made me laugh today- my S6 has MLCer logic! I had a conversation with him and D because my car is a state. Full of rubbish from them both. Tissues and sweet wrappers mainly. I told them I would get them a container each for them to dispose of their rubbish and S pipes up "the mess is your fault" :o apparently, if I didn't give them the tissues and the snacks and drinks, it wouldn't be a mess. Go figure. Reminded me of MLCer, not being able to take responsibility for his actions 😂

Oh goodness, that's quite funny!
M-41
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #99 on: February 11, 2019, 07:10:21 AM »
Something that made me laugh today- my S6 has MLCer logic! I had a conversation with him and D because my car is a state. Full of rubbish from them both. Tissues and sweet wrappers mainly. I told them I would get them a container each for them to dispose of their rubbish and S pipes up "the mess is your fault" :o apparently, if I didn't give them the tissues and the snacks and drinks, it wouldn't be a mess. Go figure. Reminded me of MLCer, not being able to take responsibility for his actions 😂
So, I wonder what S6 would say if you refused to give him food, drinks or tissues in the car now... "Well, since it was my fault that my car was a mess because I gave you the stuff, I just won't give you the stuff anymore...."

Those DARN consequences.....
Me - 56
STBXW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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