Author Topic: My Story The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle  (Read 2594 times)

Offline FaithWalker

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My Story Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #50 on: March 17, 2018, 10:34:32 AM »
I think it's reasonable to ask him to have a schedule with the kids.  Kids do so much better on a schedule.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #51 on: April 17, 2018, 05:24:07 AM »
Not much has happened since I last posted but some big steps have been taken.

He came up the Wednesday before Easter Sunday and told D he had seen a solicitor. She came in and told me and then followed it up by "but we've heard that before, haven't we mum".

S was very nervous about seeing him because it had been so long since he had seen him.

D was trying to tell him how good she was doing at school and how hard it had been for her (with the bad weather and her illnesses). He didn't really listen and she felt unheard. He just stuck to his own agenda.

He came up on the Saturday before Easter and brought ow with him. How dare he bring her to my house. It's only my opinion and I might be monkey braining but the only time she comes near my house is when they feel like they have something to prove to themselves, to create drama when things aren't going so well between them. There was no reason for her to come to my house; they were going to his pub and it is on the way so she could've been dropped off there. He also told D "all my family are at the pub". I felt that was unfair on D because it's her family too.

Anyway, to now. He has finally been to see a solicitor about contact with the kids. Now I have to find my old phone and get proactive.

What does this mean in terms of where he is in the tunnel? I know you shouldn't watch but I've been having some weird dreams lately that involve him (probably due to the moon). Is he just looking for something to fill the void still or is he actually seeing some of the consequences of his actions and trying to right his wrongs? Or is he just trying to create drama?

Whichever way, I'm going to insist he has supervised access to start with and I'm going to ask for a background check on ow and try keep her away from them. Not because shes the ow but because she's not a good influence and is so unstable that she would fall apart if there was a strong gust
« Last Edit: April 17, 2018, 05:25:13 AM by What now »
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #52 on: April 17, 2018, 06:47:13 AM »
Quote from: What now
Is he just looking for something to fill the void still or is he actually seeing some of the consequences of his actions and trying to right his wrongs? Or is he just trying to create drama?

Highly probable, VERY unlikely (like borderline impossible), and most definitely...
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Whyus

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #53 on: April 17, 2018, 06:48:16 AM »
Just read your complete Thread and now im totally exhausted... You have a roght Piece of work there im afraid. Im so sorry for you, how can he be so horrible to the Kids?
Just another MLCer who Need a Punch in the face and a kick in the balls  :(
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. Still together but never seen.
2 Sons - 18 & 20
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Treasur

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #54 on: April 17, 2018, 08:01:40 AM »
WN
Given that you've had threats from ow, she's bipolar, your S has special needs, your H has sent abusive messages to you, not paid child support and gone long periods without seeing them...and now brought ow to your house...is it time for you to see a L and formalise the arrangements with regard to the kids? Maybe supervised visitation in a neutral place on  schedule just him would be better for the kids and you?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #55 on: April 17, 2018, 12:07:40 PM »
UM you confirmed what I thought.

Whyus 😂😂 I spat my drink out reading your response. You have a way with words........

And treasur, absolutely. I did try get him to mediation as soon as I was uncomfortable with how he was being with the kids but he wouldn't do it because, according to him, I didn't want to go to sort him seeing the kids, it was because I wanted him back. He just wasn't willing to work with me, he wanted it all his way with no thought for the kids at all.

Although I have no issues sorting it out, I could've done without it right now. S has some appointments coming up and I'm having lots of meetings about D with her going to secondary school so my diary is fit to burst already. I know that's selfish, me and the kids just have a lot on our plates at the moment.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2018, 01:03:40 PM by What now »
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

Offline Whyus

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #56 on: April 17, 2018, 12:15:28 PM »
Im i made you laugh for a while then its made my day. ;D
Stay strong beaut, you dont deserve this
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. Still together but never seen.
2 Sons - 18 & 20
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Treasur

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #57 on: April 17, 2018, 12:46:59 PM »
So what's your next 'cunning plan' alternative, WN, if your H is a selfish MLC a$$hat who won't work with you in mediation for the kids' best interests?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline What nowTopic starter

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #58 on: April 17, 2018, 01:23:44 PM »
No point in mediation, treasur. I've got full days for the rest of this week so I'm putting in a call to a solicitor tomorrow and seeing if I can get an appointment for early next week, let them deal with it.

I've got 10 days to respond so I had best get on with it as soon as I possibly can. Wish me luck! 😊
Me 34
Him 46
S 4, D 9, SD 20, SS 24, SD 27. 6 grandchildren.

BD#1 August 2015 - i think i should move out and carry on as we are because i love you but it would work better
BD#2 December 2016 - moved out
ow- 27 with 3 young kids. They don't live together

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: The grass is only greener because it's fertilised with bullshizzle
« Reply #59 on: April 21, 2018, 12:18:51 PM »
Thinking of you WN.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

 

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