[With Hope]

I would have never been able to assemble 4-5 people willing to do this who had a relationship with H.  My friends and family would have been willing and eager to help, but H has surrounded himself with people who will encourage him to go "be happy" and cut off contact with those who disagree with his new value system.  As the article said, I have found the men of the church are too afraid/hesitant to get involved and instead stand back and "pray" for the family as it's torn apart.

It's a method that could be worth trying, but I bet finding a LBS with a group willing to get involved in this way is very rare.

I totally agree with you here.  I read this article earlier on in my H's crisis and wanted to recruit friends/family to do an intervention but at the end of the day, my H would not have cared or gone along with it...plus I don't know that I would have been able to even get a pastor over there to help intervene!  My H also cut off contact with people who disagree with him.  A man that he REALLY respects and thought a lot of was a father-figure to me (so my family) and he tried to reach out to my H and was rebuffed.  This man was relentless in trying to contact my H too and the few minutes he finally got him on the phone, my H promised to call him back and never did and then ignored his calls.  THIS is a man who is not easily ignored and who it SHOCKS me that my H would blatantly disrespect him in that way.  I'm surprised he didn't at least hear him out and then graciously tell him he was wrong, but to fully ignore him was actually a shock to me.  IF my H allows himself to wake up, it's going to be pretty painful for him to realize and face the destruction he has caused.  It's so ridiculous.  The intervention sounds great in theory, but I have to wonder how many actually take place and then, are successful?!?!  The process of self-delusion seems spot on though...from what I can tell.

[With Gods Help!]

If you scroll down you will see a graph that indicates what a persons body language indicates......we all know MLCer lie well there's some info on the way in which people use their left and right eyes that this indicate whether their telling the truth or not...........some may find this useful others may not but thought i would share it anyway xxxxxxxxxxx

http://www.businessballs.com/body-language.htm

[Bewildered]

to quote from with hope;

My H also cut off contact with people who disagree with him.

from the time he left until recently this was my 'H' too and he would run from anyone who doesn't like the him well the he is now !

That included our children, our/his friends, colleagues,  etc Recently there are baby steps towards them but he gets spooked I think as one friend (very close friend of mine) he keeps making arrangements to see him then cancelling and then being difficult to get hold of by friend to rearrange then the dance begins again with 'H' being not stop at him to sort a time/date out then cancelling!!!!
Luckily friend knows the situ or he would knock it on the head as his loyally is to me (ex B/F and been friends for 30 years) but he is curious to see where this goes - I don't get involved - he used to respect  'H',  so he I suppose like me want's him to sort himself out?

My H is delusional as he says things that I know to be incorrect and when I say but I thought '''''' he says Oh you may be right?

The crisis goes on ................ and on ................ and on .................... getting tiresome now !!!

love B xx

[eternity]

Well, this article made me see things more clearly
What stood out for me that "a group of crisis" is needed to make them see things more clearly. And I think this is what really needs to happen

My H has gambled in the past, not all the time but longer periods with sober intervals. i tried everything to make him stop, he even agreed to go and see a counselor and this helped for a while but he always returned to gambling
What made him stop was after we opened the restaurant, someone had recognized him as new owner of the restaurant while he was gambling. My H was shocked by It. And this was it, he never gambled afterwards and this is more than 6 years now.
i think something, some external factor, needs to happen

E

[With Gods Help!]

I believe if we cant muster up people this article suggests ....then we as the wife/partner/hubby should do what we can........i remember back in the beginning of BD you know when your in shock and their rewriting history ......i was very quiet .i truly believed that my h leaving was my fault....i walked on eggshells for many months and only told 2 people what was happening............i think i was in some sort of delusional state  it wasn’t until i told other people what had and repeated everything that h had rewritten that these people were able to convince me (after maybe 1000 times of saying i wasn’t the problem and never was) h was lying and blaming me in order to make himself  feel better and to reduce his guilt................so the same way these people were able to convince me i wasn’t the bad the one .......i suppose the same can happen for the MLCer...........i went out the other night and  saw one of my friends........she said i didn’t know you and h had broken up and i said we didn’t break up i threw him out cos he was cheating on me when i was at uni.......she said i saw him with his new GF....i said oh yeah that’s the same one who helped destroy my family........she was like she said i cant believe it you two were so strong.............she called her a owr and homewrecker ....................up til this point i never told outside people what happened...........a few days later i texted h and put him straight and said the next time someone asks why were not together be truthful...........don’t tell them we broke up tell them i threw you out because you were cheating with the homewrecker your with.....no reply .............i think the delusional part of the brain thinks what their saying is right that yes we did break up but its able to twist the truth to fit..........i believe now the more people that know the truth the more h cant run/hide from it.........ive protected him for so long and wish i had told everyone from the beginning........would it have made a difference i don’t know but because i protected h due to being i ashamed did i also protect him from having to face others that may have been able to helpxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx 

[Trustandlove]

I, too, see that I have "protected" my H, even though I thought I wasn't doing so.   My brother pointed that out to me recently.  But that could also be because I haven't been bashing him. 

But I have always been very clear that we didn't "separate amicably" as he would have people believe; I've always set anyone who has said that straight.   

I'm thinking about this regarding myself in other ways, though, about how I see my H.  About what he is and isn't doing during this MLC.  Must be careful not to delude myself that he isn't behaving as badly as he is.  For example, for a long time, years in fact, I believed him when he said there wasn't anyone else, when in fact there had been lots of "someone elses".  It took a while to realise he was trying to gaslight me, and to get my head round that, as I just didn't want to believe it about him.

Seeing him more clearly (the MLC him, not the H I believe is in there) helps keep me more detached, actually.   And keeps my head on better when serious matters such as finances come up. 

[With Gods Help!]

Found this thought i would share xxxxxxxxx

http://outofthefog.net/

[Synicca]

WGH

I actually have read this...even have it saved to my favs..LOL

Its pretty insightful...Thanks for sharing..
Syn

[hobo1]

Thanks for posting...  Since BD, I have thought that my STBXW may have an Avoidant Personality Disorder.  Now, I am even more convinced.  So many of the symptoms are evident.

I never knew it until BD, I just thought that this was somewhat normal, but to think about it, maybe it wasn't so normal, but being with her since I was 20 years old, I didn't know anything else.

I feel sorry for her, but she doesn't want me around. 

Our D likely final next week.  If I knew about this disorder, but she still loved me, I would still continue to want to be with her, and we can still have a happy family.

I'm sure many wish to have a family where they are blessed with 2 healthy children and a caring and responsible husband.
But not my W, she wants to be alone....

[Mamma Bear]

  Thanks WGH I could look at this F.O.G Article all day. Soooo interesting.
  Especially since they say a lot of OW/OM might have that...I like the Dependent Personality Disorder for my Hs OW. After reading all of RCRs articles about OPs and espcially Clingy Boomerangs.  I think RCR may have said CBs attract BPDs.  Or it may be one theory. Makes a lot of sense.  Scarey. Still I am so glad there is an explanation for all of this weird troubling behavior.