[Trustandlove]

I was thinking about this subject again while reading "Emotional Bull$hit", by Carl Alasko -- he talks a lot about delusion as one of the "toxic trio" that ruin lives.  (denial, delusion, blame).

It's a good read, and written clearly, not overly academically, so that it makes a lot of sense to the lay reader. 

[With Gods Help!]

Hey T & L....... just been doing some research on emotional bullsh$t and found this that's related to the book your reading..........my h would score on each one these ......but then we knew that lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

http://www.emotionalbs.com/selftest.html

[With Gods Help!]

Just done the test on h's behalf he scored 80....... The scoring system says : 40+Points: Your life and relationships are currently in serious danger..........does this mean his relationship with o/w is too cos hes lying to her too?? xxxxxxx

[justasking]

WGH

My H scored 70!

As their relationship is with OW so I assume their relationship is in serious danger 

xx

[With Gods Help!]

Ha Buggy I didn't paste the website address lol .............glad you noticed no one else did lol  .........see below Buggy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


http://www.drugrehabwiki.com/wiki/Trauma_echo

[Buggy31]

This reminded me of something I have felt strongly in this crisis...my H was frustrated (pre BD) because he had so much discontent and yet his external life did not provide him with reasons for it..good wife...beautiful kids...a house..a job..yadyayadydydyayada....its almost like there is a certain satisfaction now that his external life gives him reasons for his misery...this is kind of like self-injury..whereby a person inflicts physical pain on themselves to realease the tension of emotional/psych pain...it's of course temporary...and many are so afraid of just feeling the pain. 

[Trustandlove]

This is interesting; thank you for posting.  I'd be very interested in more; I've been wondering about myself in this regard.

[TrustingMyHP]

Really enjoyed the discussion on this thread.

The article's description of the "process" re self delusion is spot on to me.  It fits my H exactly.

But like many have said, intervention doesn't seem to be a viable option in the case of an MLCer. 

While I completely agree that the MLC affair is an addiction and has all the hallmarks of addictive behavior, I don't think a standard type intervention would have much influence.  And, like several here have said, where can you get 4 or 5 people who have that strong of an influence with the MLCer willing and capable of doing one?

In the case of an alcoholic or compulsive gambler, if an intervention isn't done, or the addict doesn't seek help (such as a 12 step program) on their own, the behavior is most likely to continue and to get worse until the addict "hits bottom." 

But not all addicts end up on the street, dead, or in recovery.  Many just keep going and going, suffering the consequences of their behavior throughout their lives.  Haven't we all known people who were alcoholics all their lives, who died alcoholics?

So I suspect it is with the MLCer and their behavior.  Some "wake up" and try to heal the destruction they've caused (in other words, they're like the addict who enters and stays in a 12-step program) and some continue on with their delusional lives (abandon their families/marry the OW/continue on to another OW and repeat the process.) 

Problem is I don't see any way of "predicting" what an individual MLCer will eventually chose to do.  That's one of the biggest challenges of the LBS.  Waiting and watching--from the position of detachment--to see what "choice" the MLCer makes in the long run.  We won't know for a very long time what the outcome will be in most of our cases.

And the waiting is hard.

TMHP

[Mitzpah]

TMHP,

Problem is I don't see any way of "predicting" what an individual MLCer will eventually chose to do.  That's one of the biggest challenges of the LBS.  Waiting and watching--from the position of detachment--to see what "choice" the MLCer makes in the long run.  We won't know for a very long time what the outcome will be in most of our cases.

And the waiting is hard.

TMHP

I agree...

Interestingly, my BIL (h.'s older brother) is the life-long alcoholic who will probably die an alcoholic... so, in a way I understand what you say about addicts who are unable to stay in a 12-step program - I still say that while there is life, there is hope... so even if the present prognosis is negative, I am one of the people who still hold out hope for him. I guess it is how I feel about my h. too. Is that my 'self-delusion', I wonder?

So I just carry on waiting and watching

[TrustingMyHP]

Mitz,

Definitely agree with you that "where's there's life there's hope."  As a 12-stepper myself, I've read the Big Book's stories of recovered alcoholics many times.  There are some amazing stories of people whom everyone had given up on as hopeless drunks who did recover--and do everyday.   

And I don't think we suffering from self-delusion to hold out hope for our MLCers.  HB always said that if you still love your MLCer there's hope.

But oh how I hate the waiting and watching!

TMHP