Author Topic: My Story The transformative power of love  (Read 5029 times)

Offline KeepItTogether

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My Story Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #130 on: November 21, 2019, 10:11:41 AM »

In fact this whole discussion reminds me a bit of those old Jerry Springer shows... where two women who are relatively attractive are fighting over how much they love some guy...

Then out walks some jobless, lives with his momma, wife beater shirt wearing mess of a man....


Well if THAT didn't paint the perfect picture for me right now, I  don't know what does.

Beyond--I am slooooooowly getting to the point where the "better" I know I deserve is NOT H. Not now anyway, and probably not ever.

And congrats on getting pinned. ;)
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #131 on: November 21, 2019, 12:16:25 PM »
Hello,

Quote
How can we trust a spouse or left us for a person they were so in love with....and then when it doesn't work out they come crawling back? Is it because they really loved us more? Or is it because they don't have another option at that time? Are we happy being the fall back position?

In the beginning, believe it or not, I thought I was the bad guy and that I had pushed my ex towards OM. In fact, I saw her as a victim and if OM was gone, she would come back to her senses. As time passed, I began to see my ex in a different light. By the time of the divorce, I was aware than my ex would do anything to me and was not above hurting me for her own gain.

I ended my stand because I realized if things didn't work out between her and English Bob, I was the fall back option. I really didn't want to be someone's option B. Too much time had passed and had it been within the first few years, I would have been in a different place and mindset. However, I was done, really done by the time she pulled out of our driveway and headed to Washington. That was over six years ago.

I am not in anyway stating those that do reconcile are facing the same dilemma that I faced and I am happy for all the marriages that reconciled.  I just knew it wasn't going to happen for me. There was far too much damage and destruction and I was just ready to move on- for me.

I am in a different point in my life now. I am deeply in love with my wife (Morte post, bald guy, not really attractive, rubbing his wife shoulders and getting them drinks could have easily been Ready!) I work hard at my new job and I go home content and happy with where I am at this point in my life. I go home to a beautiful lady that cracks me up all the time. For example, we are at Costco and she found these pjs that had polka dots. She asked me to feel how soft they were. On the way home she held them. "I don't want them in the back with the rest of the stuff". She wears them and tells me, "These are perfect, they are soft and have polka dots, I love polka dots. Next time, I am going to buy two more pairs and I will wear them every night for the winter." Yep, that's my wife. I also found out that we have a pot luck tomorrow. I text her and she immediately volunteers to make fried rice for the event. Just amazing!

You really hit the sweet spot when the person you love is into you just as much as you are into them. That's finding the place where you are desired and welcomed- not despised and tolerated.

I am glad that you post on the forum. It serves as a reminder that our journeys can and will take us to different places. That reconciliation is the only option for the LBSer to feel success. We all talk about their journey through the tunnel and how they change once they reemerge from the crisis. Yes, I believe that the person that entered the tunnel is different from the one that went in. Yes, the one that went in is gone, gone forever, but so is the person that she left behind. Ready is different  and no longer interested in the new person that emerged from the tunnel. She seems nice, but I am just not interested.

So, continue to post and enjoy each day- not because of Mr. Big (although he sounds really cool, but because of you) To continue to live and demonstrate that we all can empower ourselves to rise- not for our spouses, but for the loved ones that cherish us. That is paving the way.

(((Hugs)))

Ready








"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #132 on: November 22, 2019, 12:18:10 PM »

I continue to be grateful everyday that my life is my own and that the choices I've made for almost 4 years now have set me so much higher than where I found myself....crying in a heap outside my bedroom door because the 1 man in this life, who I thought had my back, was actually carving me up by sticking a knife in it.  2020 is going to be my year because I said so, and I do what I say I'm going to do.  Stay tuned, friends 🙌🙌


Oh, you can bet I'll be staying tuned in, BB! 

I also was so devastated I had to go on antidepressants for 7-8 months, something I never, EVER, thought I would have to do. 

But, my MLCer helped me out by marrying the wanna-be Elizabeth Taylor (he's husband number 5)  so I made the choice to pick myself up, move forward and live my life with all the blessings that I still had in it. 


BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #133 on: November 22, 2019, 02:57:48 PM »
Morte... I completely understand what you are saying, and for me, no way in hell was I ever going to tank my self respect by chasing a man child having a mental meltdown, especially considering the ultimate, gutter diving expedition he embarked on and the trash it yielded.  One can only image the STDs you'd have to be tested for....along with having your head examined in that same visit.  Ummm, no thanks.  Self respect firmly in place, and even stronger 4 years later.  Hallelujah.

KIT......you absolutely deserve the best, and no, unfortunately that is not your H right now.  The things he's doing, especially by ignoring your S are pretty unbelievable, but he is a man in a mental crisis and hurting himself more than he realizes.  I know your S can see this for himself and that you are the strongest, most loving mom he could ask for, so he's in good hands, even without his dad.  It just is so sad what they do to their own flesh and blood.  Incomprehensible.

SB....Mrs Six Surnames may have the failed marriages in common with Liz Taylor, but that's it.  She's just another pawn on the chess board.  You, however, are a badass Harley riding chick, who turned an empty pole barn into a nice little side business.  Turning lemons into spiked lemonade....atta, girl 😁

Ready, I completely relate to moving on to a better partner...one who sees the fire in your eyes and isn't afraid to play with it.  Life doesn't get any better than that.  And, yes, Mr. Big is a pretty awesome dude.

I can't wipe smile off of my face.  I'm off to bake him some Fireball Banana bread and then spend the weekend at his place.  He mentioned taking me out for a nice dinner, so the least I can do is supply him some dessert and sugar 😉😉

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #134 on: December 02, 2019, 05:26:21 AM »
Just an update from the Thanksgiving weekend that was so busy.  Lots of laughter,  happiness and good times, shared, but also some sad news concerning Mr. Big's dad.

Big's dad seemed to be recovering as well as could be expected in the week following his stroke, and leading into Thanksgiving.   As I mentioned in my initial post,  he was not expected to survive the initial stroke,  so it all seemed relatively positive and Big's family had higher Hope's to get him moved to rehab.  Well, unfortunately as Big spent the holiday with me and my family, he got a call that out of the blue, a second stroke had occurred in the early hours Thanksgiving day.  No improvements since, and once my heart breaks for Big and his family as they prepare to say goodbye.  Big and I have had a couple of talks about his feeling and how he was coping, in fact a huge one yesterday, confirming and reassuring me he will deal with it maturely like an adult with solid coping skills.  Not going to lie...this situation is a huge trigger because my xh went completely bonkers when his dad passed away.

With Big, I was able to open up the abandonment wound simply because I trust him to be understanding and completely honest with me.  And, that's exactly what I got from him.  I assured him this was my work to do to heal the betrayal and trust issues...and to firmly acknowledge that Big was absolutely NOTHING like the cowardly abandoner and this really had nothing to do with him at all...it would be any new love interest and the same trust and intimacy would have to develop with me taking the responsibility for my feelings and emotions.   I will tell you, although I'm a little upset to continue with occasional triggers, I am grateful that I can recognize and deal with them appropriately.  Big has been a man of his word since day 1, and for that alone, I am already blessed because there is no room for doubt or miscommunication.  And, those two things...trust and open communication, along with the huge amount of respect he's shown me have won him a solid place in my life.

He met my family on Thanksgiving and got so much praise from them.  My mom commented that his level of respect and concern for me was obvious, and my dad admitted he was pleasantly surprised...because as already stated, I have kissed a couple frogs...lol

I've met many of his friends and it's amazing how welcoming they all are.  All of them are already making plans to include me in their group and talking summer time...which is funny considering we just met and summer's a good few months away.

So life is good and stable, and most of all it is happy and filled with many blessings.  Unless something happens with Big's dad to update, I will be leaving this site.  I wish all of you nothing but the best in life.  As always, my final thought is for you to remember that your life will always be a culmination of your choices.  You, and you alone, are responsible for making it what it is now, and what it will be in the future.  Good or bad, happy or sad....it's up to you.

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #135 on: December 02, 2019, 06:10:05 PM »
Sorry to hear about Big's Dad.  I hope that he'll be able to handle all of it in a manner that won't even remotely resemble your runaway. 

It sounds as though things are moving along nicely for the two of you.  It's so nice to read that.  You know what's best for you, but I'll be sad to see you leave this site.  It's a good thing I know how to keep in touch with you through other venues! 

You've given lots here.  I appreciate that. 
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #136 on: December 03, 2019, 03:21:12 AM »
Good luck beyond. Look forward to hearing from you in the future. :)
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

 

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