Author Topic: My Story The transformative power of love  (Read 5033 times)

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #20 on: January 12, 2019, 06:37:37 PM »
So here we are in 2019.  Some of my long-time soul sisters have chosen our "words" for 2019.  Last year mine was "slay",  and I killed it.   2018 was an amazing and enlightening year for me.   I grew figuratively and literally.... best shape of my life on every level.   I am a boss and I owned it.

2019, I've chosen the word " Passionate " because passion is the fuel of my soul,  and if it doesn't sing to my soul,  it won't have my attention in 2019.  My main focus continues to be me and my growth,  as usual.  I've become so accustomed to loving myself and treating myself to the things I adore and cherish,  that I just cannot imagine it any other way.

I am 100% focused on my fitness career and building a following to go along with it.   That is the #1 goal,  as is continuing to train for competition either this summer or fall.  Bodybuilding is such a scientific and structured process.   It requires so much research,  dedication,  and discipline,  but the end result is something which you've built with your own two hands, and the amount of effort you put into it is exactly what you get out of it.

Some of my gym squad tribe and I are making plans to do a Vegas competition,  which will be completely epic,  if we are able pinpoint a show date that would fit all our training schedules. Still amazing to me how this crazy process of MLC brought me to this point.   Living,  laughing,  lifting,  and loving through every minute of it.

My awakening to MLC will be 3 years in a couple short weeks.   I scarcely think about the life I was living back then,  as it just seems irrelevant to the life I'm living now.   I am so much happier,  healthier,  and more focused and successful than I've ever been,  and looking back just serves to remind me that all along I deserved better.   I am one of the few on here still that considers what has happened to be a blessing in disguise,  and everyday is a new chance to make life even better.


Offline in it

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #21 on: January 12, 2019, 06:52:12 PM »
I do too
A long time coming... a blessing in disguise.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #22 on: January 12, 2019, 07:19:49 PM »
You are absolutely rocking life right now, my friend. 

You have accomplished much and continue to excel and live life to the fullest. 

I passed the three year mark and am now into year four.  While I can't say that I find what happened to me a blessing I can say that life is nowhere near the horrible, destitute life I lived all of 2016. 

I am grateful for your friendship and your encouragement as I continue on in my journey.   Contentment is my word for 2019 and I believe I can get there. 

Thanks for the update!   
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #23 on: January 13, 2019, 07:18:44 AM »
You are indeed rocking your life Byond. Truly an inspiration to many of us.
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #24 on: January 13, 2019, 02:54:27 PM »
KIT and SB,  it is so good to be able to share this journey with you.   I am so honored to be an inspiration to you because before this new life,  my old self was anything but inspirational.   She was angry at the world and in a relationship that was slowly killing her.  The saddest part,  is that I would most likely still be her,  had my awakening not occurred because I was not the type to abandon anything,  even if it was hurting me.

The betrayal of trust in the way my marriage ended was the final nail in that coffin.   That is something that can never be retrieved or revived.  It was disgusting, cowardly, and indefensible.   All the reasons that I urge other LBS to find themselves within the rubble and destruction.  One life,  that of the abandoner,  is already destroyed by the weight of lies and dishonor,  but the life of the LBS is just waiting to begin and thrive,  if only they can take the opportunities and make the most of them.   

Sometimes, walking away in the other direction is the only choice.  I am not even a shadow of the person I was 3 years ago.   My physical appearance has changed so drastically that people who haven't seen me since then have their jaws dropping in awe.   My social life is one I never dreamed of having.   Dating at this age has been a trip and as many of you know,  I date A LOT.   lol   I'm not looking to be tied down again or to lose these freedoms I've enjoyed growing these last 3 years.   I've been given a 2nd opportunity to create a happy,  content and fulfilled life,  and I just refuse to squander that by trying to drag the past into the present.


Offline barbiedoll

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #25 on: January 13, 2019, 03:20:24 PM »
Just some curious thoughts cross my mind when I read this and I just wanted to share ...

Quote
The betrayal of trust in the way my marriage ended was the final nail in that coffin.   That is something that can never be retrieved or revived.  It was disgusting, cowardly, and indefensible.   All the reasons that I urge other LBS to find themselves within the rubble and destruction.  One life,  that of the abandoner,  is already destroyed by the weight of lies and dishonor,  but the life of the LBS is just waiting to begin and thrive,  if only they can take the opportunities and make the most of them.   
.

Struggling to find the exact wording to my quandry, but I shall try . "The betrayal of trust " was the final nail. I can without question understand this . So, I guess the question is :  There must be some innate differences internally between the "stander" ( who also has felt this extreme betrayal of trust) and those that see this as the last and final blow to their marriage. Is it personalities? Life experiences? . Why can some attempt to rise above and others are just at the end?   Maybe the marriage was not so good in the 1st place?   I wonder about this . I am likely the "confused " one here ...but I agree with everything in me that "the betrayal of trust " , killed it stone dead, never to be revived , over. I do not believe ( only talking for myself) that the trust will NEVER be regained. And that is where I will feel the safest . I never intend to even try to trust him ...I do not WANT to ever trust that way again.  My marriage was destroyed, dead, over , wanted nothing but a divorce . And then , oddly, there is this force or voice or knowing ...that I do not WANT  to WANT my marriage to be over . HUH?    Who can remotely follow that strange logic?.  I admire the direction you are going ....and YOU !
« Last Edit: January 13, 2019, 03:23:09 PM by barbiedoll »
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #26 on: January 14, 2019, 02:44:26 AM »
Barbie,  I can't speak for anyone but myself on the issue of trust.   For me,  personally,  it is the foundation of the relationship along with respect.   Everything else is built upon those two aspects.   Without trust,  there is no relationship.   Period.   My marriage was like most,  some good,  some bad.   We both contributed to it,  but ultimately his choices ended it for good.

I do have the the type of personality to keep going,  to keep fighting because I'm no quitter.   I knew I'd done as much as I could or would to make my marriage work,  but one person cannot save what is a mutual venture.

Life before was constant drama and angst.  The biggest thing I've realized by being on my own and fully taking care of ME is that back then I was struggling BECAUSE of him,  not with him.   That realization is with me everyday I wake up in peace without the burdening anxiety of the "what will happen with him today"  mentality.   It is just quiet and peace and a contented heart.

Offline in it

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #27 on: January 14, 2019, 05:48:49 AM »
BB
I can relate to your entire last paragraph.
Well written. :)
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline barbiedoll

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #28 on: January 14, 2019, 06:20:48 AM »
I do understand your response and thanks for doing so. I imagine your are not remotely a "quitter". And I am not sure I even see it as quitting necessarily but more about growing , changing and accepting that a new way is likely a better way for yourself . I still struggle ( imagine?) with staying in this marriage or leaving and "growing"-forward on my own. I have never ever reached a solid decision about that and can go back and forth ...painfully so. So, I am always curious when I see someone has made a solid decision and acts on it. Good for you.  It is not "wrong" either way. I realize more and more that loss of respect is a huge issue for me .

Quote
I was struggling BECAUSE of him,  not with him.
.

That is a profound realization. Food for thought for me. Thanks so much for sharing .
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #29 on: January 14, 2019, 11:32:00 AM »
Barbie... Just another thought to ponder... What is it that you fear will happen if you do walk away?   That you will succeed and thrive beyond what you even thought possible or that your marriage truly is irreparably damaged and he will just let you leave without a second thought?   Or is it something entirely different that keeps you there?

I'm not judging.   I just wonder what is at the root of you staying?

 

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