Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story The transformative power of love

  • ***
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 230
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: The transformative power of love
#40: January 17, 2019, 09:07:23 PM
Ahhhh sister your words......determined and passionate and I’m so damn proud of you!!!  I love you dearly.....and man oh man have we grown into our potential and then took that glass ceiling and smashed it!!! ♥️♥️♥️

You show us all each day what a fierce amazing woman you are! 
  • Logged
Me: 41
Ex H: 45

MLC started 2013-2014. BD x3 Jan-March 2017. EA confirmed.
He’s playing house with his much younger girlfriend and raising her kids while I am out living life on my Harley! 
PROUDLY AND HAPPILY DIVORCED

b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1942
  • Gender: Female
Re: The transformative power of love
#41: January 20, 2019, 07:08:51 AM
TTS.... We really have grown into two badass,  fearless women... you the Harley riding bikerbabe taking the most amazing rides and snapping the most beautiful memories along the way,  and me, the iron pumping goddess, rocking the sweetest leggings, surrounded by mirrors and buff men.   Not a bad deal for either one of us,  I must say.   Just when I think life couldn't get any better,  it somehow keeps right on growing with each level up.

I'm now a firm believer that our thoughts most definitely attract the life we imagine.  Once I ditched that negative mindset that was the mood of a large part my past with the abandoner, great things happened and have continued to this day.  Still,  I find it so strange and surreal that nearly everyone I've met and continue to meet, compliments me on my positivity and inspirational qualities.   That NEVER happen while I was married.   And,  I don't have to wonder why.   That's exactly what I meant when I said I struggled BECAUSE of him,  not with him.   Life was hard back then,  choking on the constant negativity and angry vibe that seemed overshadow every other emotion.

Now,  it's just me vibing in peace, love, positivity and still some hope that maybe there's a man out there that will recognize and appreciate this same vibe and be enchanted enough to talk to the badass hottie looking amazing in those leggings.  He's going to have to be amazing, but,  hey,  it could happen.    ;D
  • Logged

b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1942
  • Gender: Female
Re: The transformative power of love
#42: May 27, 2019, 02:27:18 PM
So, here I am again with another update on navigating life after a marital mess of lesson learning.  In about 6 weeks time,  I will be 3 years divorced,  and 3.5 years post awakening or what most probably still refer to as "bomb drop".  That's a term I still cannot proclaim because that to me describes devastation,  destruction,  and death.   Those are all very true descriptions for what happened to the marriage and life "back then",  but they never had one single thing to do with the new life emerging from that wreckage.  Mine.

That new life started immediately,  as there was nothing left but a bit of shocked mourning for the decisions the abandoner had made.   I quickly came to realize though,  that even though it all seemed so sudden,  all of those choices and decisions had months and years of planning and full knowledge of everything behind them, the abandoner knew exactly what he was doing.... it was just hidden from ME. 

Fast forward through all the growth that has happened since I divorced.   And yes, even though I initially made the gigantic mistake of trying to avoid divorce,  I DID make the choice to divorce him.  It may have been him initiating it,  but I was me accepting and full-on choosing to terminate any future connection to him.

As with every update since,  life continues to roll on strong and steady.  The braces have been gone for about 7 weeks and I love rocking this new, beautiful, brilliant smile.   I have dated,  and continue to date,  although now I have a much better and more specific idea of whom I will even allow to spend time with me.  Yes,  my time, my values, my priorities,  everything that makes me, me.... that's what I cherish and that's what my boundaries protect.  I no longer give "everyone" a chance... right or wrong,  I decide whether or not a person "fits" my ideals..  and if they don't,  they are gone,  baby,  gone.

Life has a new and much deeper meaning now,  and none of this would have ever happened,  had the abandoner stayed the original course and done what he'd promised.  It's difficult to stay locked up and tied to the past,  when the present and future hold so much more than the past ever could have.   The abandoner never tried to come close to his full potential as a person back then,  so no growth was ever going to happen.  N   By my own choice, I am still have absolutely no contact with him, and as far as I'm concerned,  I never will.   He was given the opportunity to step up and do the right thing concerning one more legal matter at the beginning of the year,  that could have been so easily resolved,  but nah,  he's still the same ol' abandoner and coward he was back then.   So, now I'm off to seek my lawyer one more time to put out one last fire he started,  but didn't finish.  I had thought enough had passed for him to man up,  but I guess I'd known all along he didn't have it in him or maybe I'd have held that rope a little longer.   I'm just happy as hell I didn't waste anymore time on a person incapable of changing for the better.  He is who he is, and he has absolutely no idea of this person who I have fought so hard to regain, but he's about to find out,  one last time.

There are so many truths that we are told in are "welcome" to this site:  Time really is your best friend... use it wisely to grow and move YOURSELF forward.   Whatever relationship you had or thought you had is DEAD.   Sure,  if the stars align just perfectly,  you may have the opportunity to build a new relationship, which leads to the fact, that YOU will be the one to decide if a reconciliation is going to take place,  not them.
You may have been the one left standing at the end of your marriage, but in reality,  you were the only one standing all along.  Once you truly love yourself,  you will never,  ever settle for anything or anyone who cannot or will not do the same.
  • Logged

s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4712
  • Gender: Female
Re: The transformative power of love
#43: May 27, 2019, 03:23:55 PM
Another great update from you, BB! 

Indeed, you are living life big and moving forward at a fabulous pace. 

Hope the visit with the lawyer gets you where you need to be and the "issue" is soon taken care of. 
  • Logged
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1942
  • Gender: Female
Re: The transformative power of love
#44: May 27, 2019, 04:21:54 PM
Still,  the issue is trivial and could be solved in a matter of minutes with a simple signature,  but no,  it has to be turned into a legal ordeal by someone with the emotional capacity of a rock.  Everything still has to be full of useless drama and angst.  Continues to make me ever grateful and blessed that this is not my everyday life anymore, and now this behavior is someone else's problem.  That's the only karma I need.  The law can take care of the rest.
  • Logged

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2713
  • Gender: Female
Re: The transformative power of love
#45: May 28, 2019, 05:47:41 AM
Just came across your thread. Very interesting take on it all. :)
  • Logged
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

D
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2918
  • Gender: Female
Re: The transformative power of love
#46: May 28, 2019, 10:36:15 AM
Always love me a Beyond update. I am sorry you have to go one more legal round with your manchild. I hope it is a simple, drama free fix for you.         
  • Logged
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1942
  • Gender: Female
Re: The transformative power of love
#47: May 28, 2019, 04:58:54 PM
DF.... I offered a resolution gracefully and tactfully... which just shows how much I've grown through all of this pointless nonsense.   Sure,  the urge to b!tc# slap him upside his fool head was there,  but I chose to be the bigger person I am.   He's old news and is either trying to maintain this very last shred of attachment or he's still a huge coward and still cannot man up to his choices.   Either way,  I don't care.   I just want my document signed and his name removed from it,  so I can permanently remove him from my life.

Lord knows, it's all about me now.  He is nothing more than a petty annoyance.  Still trying to make everyone miserable because he wants some company there.   Sorry, bud, this girl has her friends,  her gym bros, and her family.   She has ZERO interest in entertaining misery of any sort.  And hanging with losers is a definite no.
  • Logged

b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1942
  • Gender: Female
Re: The transformative power of love
#48: June 02, 2019, 12:41:35 PM
Just came across your thread. Very interesting take on it all. :)

It's a far different take than most on here.   I've always stood for myself and my beliefs,  values,  and sense of self respect and self worth.   What you allow and how you allow people to treat you will continue,  so if you don't like it,  you had better do something to change the dynamic.

Nothing more, nothing less.
  • Logged

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4215
  • Gender: Male
  • Back to being #1 for my daughters!!!!
Re: The transformative power of love
#49: June 03, 2019, 05:06:48 AM
Hello.

Quote
Still,  the issue is trivial and could be solved in a matter of minutes with a simple signature,  but no,  it has to be turned into a legal ordeal by someone with the emotional capacity of a rock.

I still have just one issue from my divorce and she won't sign or move on it. The funny thing is it is to her benefit. So mine has the same emotional capacity of a rock and the mental capacity to match.

Quote
What you allow and how you allow people to treat you will continue,  so if you don't like it,  you had better do something to change the dynamic.

Great point and time after time, I am glad that there is someone to remind me. Unless you make changes, why should anyone around you want to change?

Great post and great to hear that you are living your life. Have an awesome day!

Ready

  • Logged
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.