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Author Topic: My Story The transformative power of love

b
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My Story Re: The transformative power of love
#60: June 27, 2019, 05:29:41 PM
The last little legal matter that needed to be resolved has been officially and legally taken care of by yours truly.  Running boy continues to do just that and I say more power to him.  Cardio is so not my thing..... lifting all the weights is more my style.  Appropriate, since he left all the heavy lifting to me anyway, metaphorically speaking.

 This 3.5 years has transformed me into the person I was always meant to become.  Crisis or exit affair?  Doesn't matter.  The bottom line is that he left, we divorced and our paths will never cross again on my account.  Life is the best it's ever been for me, and it only continues to get better.  Little did I know when this all started back in the beginning of 2016 that my life would come full circle and lead me back to who I was becoming when I got sidetracked with him back in 1998.  There is a part of me that wishes I'd never wasted all those years, but I've learned so much and grown from all that happened during them and since the D, that there's no doubt in my mind all of this was necessary to get me to the place I am now.  A place of gratefulness, peace, stability and love.  I wish all of you the best in your journeys.  Mine here is now complete, so it's onward and upward.

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« Last Edit: June 27, 2019, 05:31:33 PM by beyondblessed »

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Re: The transformative power of love
#61: June 29, 2019, 08:54:53 AM
Hello,

Just wanted to applaud you on a job well done. I have gotten a trainer at the club I go to and the last two weeks have been hard but rewarding. Realizing how little changes to form and technique can really get the job done. My sore chest and back can attest to that.

I don't look back at anything as a wasted time. My ex did some terrible things to me, but we also had some really great times together as well.

I hope you continue to post the exciting things in your life and I am happy that you are feeling success!

(((Hugs)))

Ready
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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

s
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Re: The transformative power of love
#62: June 29, 2019, 09:13:09 AM
Good to hear you have taken care of the last bit of the previous life, BB. 

Yes, it's onward and upward.   :)
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

b
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Re: The transformative power of love
#63: July 01, 2019, 02:25:51 PM
SB... yes, it does seem that I am burning fast and furious in pursuit of those intangibles my life before the blessed awakening lacked: passion, true love and acceptance of self, love and acceptance of others without expectation, and just living happily each day, come what may.

There is a new man on the scene, and although we've been just really good friends most of this past year, things are shifting towards romance very slowly... on both our parts, mainly because his xw pulled this same kind of midlife bs on him, with a nearly identical time line, except she dragged on their D, which has only been final for about a year, since right before we met.  So, we are very slow going.  I know exactly where he's at with this, so I'm sitting back, going with the flow, and letting him do the work he needs to do to process.  Had I not gone thru this myself, I would've bailed on this relationship because I wouldn't have understood the need to go so slowly, but as it is, I'm in no hurry either.  At this point, I'm just looking to make a connection, explore options, and just have fun with it.

He's a former minor league stock car racer and is really big into MMA, and due to my physicality and fitness background, he's got me hooked, too.  Some of our best times have been spent just cuddle up, watching these events and talking freely about any and everything.  We are 100% ourselves and don't worry about offending or scaring the other because we've seen what happens when people wear masks.

Life after this huge lesson is completely different.  Once you make it out into the fresh air of honesty, truth, respect and love, you just automatically develop a higher sense of gratitude for authentic relationships built on those things.... so unlike and opposite the relationships our former spouses are involved in.
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b
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Re: The transformative power of love
#64: July 01, 2019, 05:37:25 PM
Hey there, Ready, glad that you have a trainer that is getting you the results you're after.  Just remember to be patient and consistent, because just like this MLC or whatever it is, change takes time; it doesn't happen overnight.  Soreness is an indication that your muscles are being expanded and exerted and that's what you want because the growth happens when they repair, as that's when they get bigger in volume.  Just be sure that the soreness is not from overtraining, as this will have the opposite effect, and slow growth considerably.  Rest and recovery is also an essential part of the equation.

You are also correct to not look back on the past as time wasted.  Valuable lesson were thrust upon all of us with these betrayals.  Whether we learn from them or not is completely up to us.  What my xh did says everything I will ever need to know about him.  Just beyond grateful that I will never have another reason to deal with him or my ex-inlaws.  That is a huge blessing in and of itself.

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D
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Re: The transformative power of love
#65: July 02, 2019, 10:27:12 AM
Always good to have an update from you Beyond!!  Glad to hear life is still moving onward and upward for you.

I have never thought of it as wasted time.... we had some good times and I have my 2 kids.  I would have loved to continue the journey together as a family but he bailed out on us....  and so we continue on without him because life is too short to waste it sitting around in a puddle sulking over someone who refuses to grow. That was my only wasted time... waiting on LB to come to his senses.     

Onward and upward class of 2016!!     
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Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

b
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Re: The transformative power of love
#66: July 02, 2019, 12:46:41 PM
DF, you are doing marvelous with the onward and upward, yourself.  Love seeing all the daily adventures with the kids and of course the pets!

Growth requires a huge amount of courage and faith, and that's the biggest obstacle for these waywards... they've taken the path of least resistance at every turn, so them climbing the steep mountain up from rock bottom isn't very likely.  That would require strength and so much self love.  Do you think any of them truly love the person they are?
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D
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Re: The transformative power of love
#67: July 02, 2019, 04:22:34 PM
LB is a hot mess of self loathing...  the amount of effort he would have to put into a comeback is beyond reason. He has moved in permanently with life’s bottom feeders. He is not happy but he is making no effort to grow either. So I am out.
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Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

b
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Re: The transformative power of love
#68: July 03, 2019, 09:44:28 AM
LB is a hot mess of self loathing...  the amount of effort he would have to put into a comeback is beyond reason. He has moved in permanently with life’s bottom feeders. He is not happy but he 3is making no effort to grow either. So I am out.

Self loathing is at the epicenter of their beings, I'm quite certain.  Feeling truly horrible makes a person lash out and do truly horrible things.  I think the internal discomfort eats them up and then manifests itself in the ugly, selfish things they do.  If only you were able to reason with them that therapy would be a much better alternative for all involved.  Although that's not a realistic hope for them, all things considered.

Someone in this situation has to act with a clear and level head, and it certainly isn't them.  I'm not saying it's easy to walk away, and let them go live their lives like fools.  I'm just saying it's necessary.
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K
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Re: The transformative power of love
#69: July 03, 2019, 11:09:27 AM
I'm not saying it's easy to walk away, and let them go live their lives like fools.  I'm just saying it's necessary.

Totally agree. It is that acceptance thing that I struggle with. My H was literally the opposite of who he became after BD.  And I know he is still in there somewhere. But well, nothing I can do.

I am so happy that you found your happy and have created a life for yourself where you can live authentically and with peace and joy. That to me is the ultimate success story.
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Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

 

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