Author Topic: My Story The transformative power of love  (Read 5353 times)

Offline Mortesbride

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My Story Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #100 on: October 31, 2019, 02:01:42 AM »
Nice I am so happy for you!  :-* ;D
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #101 on: October 31, 2019, 05:11:55 AM »
They say your third love is the one that you never saw coming. Wishing you every happiness. Lord knows we have earned it in spades.
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #102 on: October 31, 2019, 08:44:46 AM »
Thank you, Morte and DF.  It's very early days, far too early to know anything all except so far, so good.  He's not the first relationship I've had, but he is the only one in the last year that I've really taken an interest in, so we shall see.  And, not sure about the 3rd love idea, but I definitely was having serious doubts that someone with his qualities even existed in today's crazy dating world.  Again, only time will tell.  The one thing we both resoundingly agree on is that my taste in men has much improved  ;D

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #103 on: October 31, 2019, 10:06:43 AM »
Thanks for the update Beyond. I'm happy for you.

Best of luck to you with the new guy. He's a lucky dude!

Quote
Life doesn't get better by chance; it gets better by choice.  And what you are not changing, you are choosing.
Taping this to the wall by my desk.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11093.0;topicseen

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #104 on: October 31, 2019, 11:23:06 AM »
Thank you, PJ.  He seems to think he's the lucky one, but I feel very fortunate for the opportunity to get to know him, as well.  It's only been a few dates, but it has been time well spent, and I believe we could talk for hours on end.  We just enjoy each other's company that much.  It gives me more than just my everyday routine to look forward to, so I'm a very happy girl.

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #105 on: October 31, 2019, 02:26:05 PM »
I forgot to mention that as of late, I've been doubling down on the self growth aspect and have been doing a lot of reading.   I read the 5th Agreement,  which I believe I mentioned  a couple months ago, another book by Kathy Kinney...the woman who played Mimi on the Drew Carey Show, about embracing your inner self and learning to accept and love the person you truly are meant to be, and now I'm finishing up my first, but certainly not last, Brene Brown book, titled The Gifts Of Imperfection.   This book is also about digging deep and seeing you as the amazing being you are, dealing with failings and disappointments and how to keep shame and fear from sabotaging your joy.

In the book, Brown discusses shame, its roots and the devastating effects it can have on people when they do not properly acknowledge and address it.  While I found the book to be very insightful and useful for myself, I found it to be equally insightful as to the demons shame has caused in these MLC'ers.  It is definitely worth checking out, just for that part of it alone.  The behavior that harboring shame causes is eerily akin to how the MLC'ers act out and the blame they spew because they are not brave enough to look inward and dig to the roots.  It talks about resilience and how faith is the root to persevering and being strong in the face of difficulties, which is not a shocking revelation,  given how many times I've read in various threads here how many of the MLC'ers have turned their backs on God and lost their faith.  My faith is the biggest thing that held me together.  It allowed me to cut ties and never look back.

My next read will be It's Not Supposed To Be This Way, by Lisa Terkeurst, and it is geared towards finding unexpected strength in life's inevitable disappointments.  I will report back with a review once I finish.

I have done so much mirror work in the past 4 years.  I do not think that it is a coincidence that the more I do of it, the more I attract amazing people and opportunities into my life.  I knew I was never going to stand for my dead M, but this site launched me into a meteoric rise of self growth and personal fulfillment that might never have happened had I not stumbled upon it in January 2016.  I am so fortunate and blessed to be where I am now.  I hope one day all who post here will have that same sense of gratitude and thanks, despite the circumstances that brought us all here.

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #106 on: October 31, 2019, 03:54:25 PM »
Hands down my faith has gotten me through the last few years and I dare say my faith has grown exponentially during that time. The Lord and I have been in the trenches together and we are thick as thieves now. Not only have I learned to love my own company but that of my quiet time with God.

The name Brene Brown has come up many times in the last few weeks. I think this is the universe telling me to to get reading.
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #107 on: October 31, 2019, 09:19:28 PM »

It is a kindred spirit that recognizes your positivity and optimism and praises you for them.  It sees your wisdom and is drawn to your strength and returns those same qualities.  It is a strong, yet gentle and safe hug that feels like home.  It is something I've been patient enough to wait for because I knew it was rare, but also because I knew it was what I wanted, needed and deserved.  It is something I wasn't sure I'd ever find again, but now that it's found me, I will put all these lessons to good use.  Life doesn't get better by chance; it gets better by choice.   And what you are not changing, you are choosing.


Very happy for you, BB! 

BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline beyondblessedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #108 on: November 04, 2019, 04:21:32 PM »
Just my thought for the night:  don't ever settle for being tolerated and just painfully existing in someone else's space.  Go where you are cherished and appreciated.  Go where the love is.  Stop fearing the worst and start believing in yourself and your worth.

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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Re: The transformative power of love
« Reply #109 on: November 04, 2019, 09:34:05 PM »
Quote
Stop fearing the worst and start believing in yourself and your worth.
Thanks BB. This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear tonight.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11093.0;topicseen

 

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