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Author Topic: My Story The transformative power of love

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My Story Re: The transformative power of love
#120: November 19, 2019, 09:19:57 AM
Beyond I am glad you have found Mr Big and I sure hope that things continue to progress beautifully for you both.  :)
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Re: The transformative power of love
#121: November 19, 2019, 03:50:03 PM
So sad to hear about Mr. Big’s Dad. I hope he continues to get better.

My IC told me about this 3rd love. Honestly, I wanted to punch her in the face. Paying for fairytale BS. And from what I have seen to date ... it is a myth. But maybe there are emotionally mature men out there somewhere.
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Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

b
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Re: The transformative power of love
#122: November 19, 2019, 04:30:57 PM
Oh, DF, I had all but written off finding an emotionally mature, grounded and stable man, but it sure seems like I've done the unthinkable.  Heck, I'd be willing to wager I've probably "dated" more men in the last 3 years than many of the LBS on this thread combined lol, so Mr. Big stood out immediately, and for more than just our height difference.

Our chemistry and attraction is undeniable,  but more than that, we share so many of the same values, morals and ideals.  His family is super close, and though they are a wealthy family, they are very grounded.  He has been spoiling me pretty good though, and that is something I'm not used to.  The perfect gentleman, almost to the point of  me assertively not being so proper, lol.  We are having fun and enjoying ourselves, beyond that, who knows?  But, what I do know, is that this is a completely different relationship than I've ever been in, so I'm running with it and hoping it continues to grow.
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Re: The transformative power of love
#123: November 19, 2019, 07:00:23 PM
Hello,

Quote
But, what I do know, is that this is a completely different relationship than I've ever been in, so I'm running with it and hoping it continues to grow.

So happy for you!

Just to let you know, I am down to 187 lbs and 20% body fat which is considered excellent for an old dude like me. My trainer and I are now starting to add more weight, less reps for the next few weeks to see if I can increase my strength. Prior to that, we were doing lots of reps with less weight and stretching in between. Like I would do bench press to tighten the chest and then push ups to stretch the chest muscles.

I am doing great and you and Watcher are great inspiration! Hope many more happy and joyful memories are in store for you and Mr. Big.

((((Hugs)))

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Re: The transformative power of love
#124: November 20, 2019, 09:22:16 AM
Beyond--I always love your updates. I find them so uplifting. You have a way with words that makes us all feel so worthy and deserving of happiness, no matter what path we choose. You have a patience and grace about you that accepts some of us are not necessarily on the accelerated program. (That would be me--lol)   ;D

And I am happy for you too my friend. You have created a wonderful life for yourself after having been through the very same trauma many of us also endured. Truly inspirational. I'm so happy you continue to post.
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Me 49
H 47
S13
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

b
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Re: The transformative power of love
#125: November 21, 2019, 02:03:25 AM
Ready, you continue to make great strides....I am proud of you and all that you've accomplished,  personally and professionally.   You are such a shining star for all of us on this site.  I think you are the epitome of growth and forward movement.  I'm so glad you are here with me, PJ, DF, SB, and a slew of other LBS' that have forged a new path away from the past and into the peace and happiness of the present, without the side of crazy.  Thank you so much for your well wishes with Mr. Big...it was so funny, he asked me to be his gf last night  🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️😊😊  I mean, of course I said yes.  Just kinda weird to be bf and gf at our age, but I'll get used to it.

KIT, I know I've probably pushed some LBS a bit too harshly and brusquely (you being one...and I am sorry) with not becoming stuck here, but it was all out of tough love.  We ALL deserve to have a partner in life with whom we would trust our lives and at the very least our personal well being.  These clowns that left us have no qualifications for that level of commitment .  Not to us... and not to the unfortunate people they are with right now.  And, I say right now, because many of them, even if it's years down the road, will leave those people just like they did us.  They have already proven that they cannot be trusted, so who wants someone like that?  Someone just like them.... and that is not us.  They have so much work to do on themselves that I think many will just never try....and that's even if they allow themselves to accept thsy were the problem all along.

I continue to be grateful everyday that my life is my own and that the choices I've made for almost 4 years now have set me so much higher than where I found myself....crying in a heap outside my bedroom door because the 1 man in this life, who I thought had my back, was actually carving me up by sticking a knife in it.  2020 is going to be my year because I said so, and I do what I say I'm going to do.  Stay tuned, friends 🙌🙌
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« Last Edit: November 21, 2019, 02:04:27 AM by beyondblessed »

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Re: The transformative power of love
#126: November 21, 2019, 06:24:59 AM
These clowns that left us have no qualifications for that level of commitment .  Not to us... and not to the unfortunate people they are with right now.  And, I say right now, because many of them, even if it's years down the road, will leave those people just like they did us.  They have already proven that they cannot be trusted, so who wants someone like that?  Someone just like them.... and that is not us.  They have so much work to do on themselves that I think many will just never try....and that's even if they allow themselves to accept thsy were the problem all along.

I enjoyed reading this because I have thought similar things but never shared them as of yet. We talk about how the OW should not trust our spouse...because he could leave his family and go to her....yet how often do we look at the other side? How can we trust a spouse or left us for a person they were so in love with....and then when it doesn't work out they come crawling back? Is it because they really loved us more? Or is it because they don't have another option at that time? Are we happy being the fall back position? How does that make us any different in the love race? Why are we even running for someone who may do it all again?

Tough questions. I am glad I am not the only one looking at these.  :)
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Re: The transformative power of love
#127: November 21, 2019, 07:50:47 AM
Good point, Morte, and definitely part of the LBS process although not sure everyone reaches the same conclusion.
There are some inherent epic logic fails along the LBS path as we go I think.
The need - rightly - to say well he/she is no prize and ow/om has got a partner who (fill in the relevant descriptive words lol).. but that this person is the same person we want back or are Standing for or crying over or want to reconcile with? No judgment from me on any conclusion anyone reaches about their own life but there is a shedload of cognitive dissonance to wrestle with along the way imho.

I remember even now the point when I knew that, no matter what happened, I simply could not get back the relationship I had and valued. And as I felt more like Me, it became easier to see that for me I never would have knowingly married someone who did not value fidelity or trust, see me as deeply important to them or who would abuse me. Never. And if I would not have chosen it then, why would I choose it now? Even if I have no idea how/why my former h became that kind of person, the truth is that he did and he was sufficiently ok with that to keep doing it for a very long time. If he is no prize, why would I want him? And actually, once the LBS feelings drop, the truth is that he stopped being good enough for me rather than the other way round.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Re: The transformative power of love
#128: November 21, 2019, 08:49:25 AM
Ditto Treasur.

In fact this whole discussion reminds me a bit of those old Jerry Springer shows... where two women who are relatively attractive are fighting over how much they love some guy...

Then out walks some jobless, lives with his momma, wife beater shirt wearing mess of a man....

And I used to just laugh and laugh wondering what either of these women were thinking to humiliate themselves with this guy.

Certainly a more dramatic and extreme version...yet....
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Re: The transformative power of love
#129: November 21, 2019, 08:56:24 AM
 :)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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