[Not Applicable]

CPL-I have to admit, I maybe have read a total of two posts from AbFab when she was My3Girls maybe 9 months ago. I immediately realized she was not someone who interacting with would offer me any benefit. I have not had any sort of previous run-ins or interaction with her AT ALL because I just did not even bother to read anything she wrote. I NEVER even opened her threads again to know anything about her. If I had seen My3Girls as the author of this thread, I would have not even bothered to open it. It was not based on any animosity, just indifference and disinterest.

Yet, thinking this thread was started by someone else who I knew absolutely nothing about her situation, I was game, jumped in, with no preconceived notions about her or a chip on my shoulder toward her, unlike what is clearly the case for a lot of the posters on this thread. I stated my opinion, and was quickly branded as someone who had come here to stir up trouble and who wasn't interested in the topic. Well, I opened this thread for one reason, the topic, because I knew nothing about the original poster or her past history of run-ins with many members of the forum, neither under her previous name of my3girls or AbFab. She had every opportunity with this thread to make a good first impression on me that could have stuck.

Yet obviously, she has lumped me together with the others that she has a past history with that I knew nothing about and attacked me for it.

So please, don't accuse all us women of seeking drama. I came here to discuss the TOPIC, and I got nothing but vitriol from your friend who started this thread that I have ZERO past interaction with.

This is the first and last thread by AbFab that I will participate in. It is unfortunate that she claimed to be interested in the forthcoming discussion and then has tried to shut it down as soon as it started, but in doing so, made this thread reach 12 pages in less than 24 hours. It's a truly strange dynamic and clearly she is loving the attention but not the discussion and you know what they say, don't feed the monster, and I have no interest in feeding this monster ever again.

[Not Applicable]

For all of your accusing me of bullying you. Take a look at how women bully and do a little mirror work.
 
http://metro.co.uk/2017/06/09/mean-girls-become-mean-women-how-to-protect-yourself-from-adult-regina-georges-6679929/

Thank you for sharing this as it proves I am not bullying you:

Mean women typically target other women based on their own insecurities. Usually the victim will be independent, popular, successful – in short, a threat in some way to the aggressor. But often, mean women won’t actively target a victim unless they think they can get away with it. Their mean behaviour takes the form of prolonged, covert nastiness – if they think the victim might blow the whistle on them then they’re less likely to act.

Since I had no clue about whether you were independent, popular or successful or a threat to me or anything whatsoever about you before I opened this thread, then obviously have no way to match you to any insecurities I may or may not have. And since this is the first and last thread of yours I will ever post on, I clearly have not been engaging in a prolonged and covert campaign against you. I also encouraged you to complain to a moderator if my behavior was inappropriate, in effect, asking you to blow the whistle on me if indeed I was bullying you.

You also seem to imply by sharing this article that you are being targeted by groups of women. Considering I had no knowledge of your now obvious problems with other women on this forum or any clue how you interacted with anyone on this forum previously for that matter, it is patently ridiculous to suggest that I am joining in some bash AbFab actions. I spoke for myself and myself alone, without any coordination with anyone else or without any knowledge that others would agree with me or not.

You do not have to fear me, I do not have groups of female friends because I know how they can become bullies and I do not want to be part of that dynamic. Since I have been a teenager, I have kept all my female friends separate deliberately. I only have one-on-one friendships. I would actually rather be bullied, than be a bully, because I prefer to take the high road. I will not be joining the crowd of women on here that you seem to think are bullying you, whether that is a correct assessment of their behavior or not. So no I will not follow you around this forum along with these others, I will not read your posts again, I will show you my back again like I have until now. I promise you that. I hope that makes you happy.

[Whyus]

I posted at the start of this thread and have read every post since. There is just so much wrong with this thread from so many Posters, why is that so???
OK, AbFab is my3girls! I too had a run in with her last year on a Thread and a PM Level. That doesnt interest me anymore. She is not easy to get along with, i know that all too well but she hasnt really done much wrong with this Thread.

Everybody just calm down and be civil, the Topic is interesting to say the least. Dont spoil it.

I am one year in (a newbie). I stood tall and proud for more than 6 months. I did all I could and fought a war which couldnt be won until W made the Situation unbearable for me and my Boys. I joined this Forum 2-3 weeks after BD and was posting pre BD2 (OM). Its all there, my whole Story documented as it happened with no BS!!!
It may be just a year but most will agree that I have put up with more in this time than others in 5-6 years have had to put up with....

I have filed for D! I was the one who decided to end my M (legally) but W was the one who officially ended our M!. I really have no choice. She is miles away from reality, she has done more than a 180, its more like a 540 and shes still Spinning. There is NO WAY that I would want anything to do with this woman as she is so im moving on and living my life. Yes i have met somebody but that just happened, it wasnt planned.
I too would suggest "Get the firetruck out of the way before you destroy/waste your life"! If the MLCer eventually awakes then I am confident that it will make no difference atall what happened during the C! I too believe that Standing/not moving on can just make the C longer than it could have been if you turn your back and go... I have witnessed this in my BIL.

If your available then they will just Keep doing theyre Thing, why wouldnt they? Think about it for a while!! If you have nothing to loose then you can Keep on playing... I am not saying that dropping your stand will get your MLCer to awake, I could but that shouldnt be the reason for being done.

Q: Would I give up on K because W suddenly realizes that im not responsible for her whatever it is?
A: Not a Chance in hell would I.
Q: If W were to reappear, whenever that should happen, as she was before the MLC set in and really saw what damage was done and really was sorry, owned her mistakes and wanted to save "Us", would I give her a Chance?
A: Depends on where I am at that given time. I will not think about that atm as it is not worth the energy! Our M/R is dead, gone. If anything should happen further down the line then it would be the same as with a total stranger. MY W IS GONE! FOREVER!.

[Keep believing]

I have to agree with gig. If i knew it was my 3 girls i wouldnt have followed along either.  She has started many thread with little response.   She needed the name change for people to respond.

[bvFTD]

Anjae:

The cpl is protecting his children by keeping them away from their mother. A disordered, selfish, irrational, MLCer who is devoid of emotions and love for her family has no business being around young children.

I look forward to the time our divorces will be recognized as abnormal by family courts requiring special protections because in our cases, the breakup is only the beginning of Hell.

[New Day Rising]

CPL - I couldn't agree more with what you have said.

 I am 2 years post BD and I wish I had handled the selling of our flat a lot quicker as I would have been able to get more from the property when my ex was in the early stages of his crisis. I think I handled everything else quite quickly. He moved out, but I made sure that his stuff was moved. I moved in on getting maintenance and access to our kids sorted ASAP and this meant that I protected my son and my unborn daughter (who is now a gorgeous 17 month old) as best I could.

I don't know what I will do when he decides to come back, but I firmly believe that he will and that it probably will be when I meet someone else. I don't think I have truly moved on and given up. I want to get to that stage though. I also think like CPL, that these MLC'ers have always had something not quite right about them. I know my ex has had a history of serious depression and I think they just get worse at midlife and can't contain it any longer.

I can only say what will happen when it happens as at the moment I do not know. I suppose at 2 years I am fairly new to this, but I am neither standing or done. I'm just getting on with life and will see what will happen.

[Whyus]

"I am neither standing or done. I'm just getting on with life and will see what will happen."

EXACTLY!!! Who knows what can happen?

[oldernwiser]

Well

I've followed some of this and I simply had to leave my 2 cents

I have talked on the phone with my3 for 2.5 years

There are many things you don't know about her

She is well read and articulate.     She has a great retention for what she has read.     She can repeat it back to you verbatim.    She is extremely intelligent from a book read angle......

She is also a chameleon.     She will talk to you and tell you one thing.    She will turn around and post on HS as a totally different human being.     On the phone.    She is always, always ruminating over  her past, her H's past, her life her family his family........    2.5 years of the same old song and dance.

She will also spread lies and half trues she heard in your conversations.

As soon as the phone goes silent?     She is on HS telling anybody that will listen.    How together she is.     How fantastic her life is.     How she has so much going for her and she is the most confident person in the world.

DON'T FALL FOR HER GAMES!

It's my3 that is stuck!

She had to change her name to abfab to lure people into her drama.     

She is a vampire.

This is a great site for people that are hurting and confused.      This is a great site to regain your footing.     Make sense of things.     Plan a move forward.    It is a site that is full of compassion and encouragement.     THIS IS A GREAT SITE!

However.     There are some vampires on here.    Some people that will drain you dry and then demand even more from you.

Don't lose your equilibrium over this.     Be aware.     Even on a "safe" site like HS.

The broken and damaged will set up shop and prey on your situation.

I'm all for every person that has to deal with the madness of an MLC.     It is absolute devastation.     It is complete destruction of our ideals and our goals in life....      I'm pulling for each and every one of you.

If you learn anything from MLC

Learn to protect yourself.     

[Velika]

I agree with bvFTD and CPL that kids are far better off being protected from their disordered parents. My former BIL told me that once he finally had full custody of his younger daughter, her life improved dramatically. Her GPA recovered, her health improved.

I feel this forum should empower people to make good decisions for their kids. Number one on any MLC forum should be self protection and protection of children. Once you have a divorce, finances secured, home, etc — then it can be time to decide how often you care to see your MLCer and to what extent you want to hear what they have to say.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Well

I've followed some of this and I simply had to leave my 2 cents

I have talked on the phone with my3 for 2.5 years

There are many things you don't know about her

She is well read and articulate.     She has a great retention for what she has read.     She can repeat it back to you verbatim.    She is extremely intelligent from a book read angle......

She is also a chameleon.     She will talk to you and tell you one thing.    She will turn around and post on HS as a totally different human being.     On the phone.    She is always, always ruminating over  her past, her H's past, her life her family his family........    2.5 years of the same old song and dance.

She will also spread lies and half trues she heard in your conversations.

As soon as the phone goes silent?     She is on HS telling anybody that will listen.    How together she is.     How fantastic her life is.     How she has so much going for her and she is the most confident person in the world.

DON'T FALL FOR HER GAMES!

It's my3 that is stuck!

She had to change her name to abfab to lure people into her drama.     

She is a vampire.

This is a great site for people that are hurting and confused.      This is a great site to regain your footing.     Make sense of things.     Plan a move forward.    It is a site that is full of compassion and encouragement.     THIS IS A GREAT SITE!

However.     There are some vampires on here.    Some people that will drain you dry and then demand even more from you.

Don't lose your equilibrium over this.     Be aware.     Even on a "safe" site like HS.

The broken and damaged will set up shop and prey on your situation.

I'm all for every person that has to deal with the madness of an MLC.     It is absolute devastation.     It is complete destruction of our ideals and our goals in life....      I'm pulling for each and every one of you.

If you learn anything from MLC

Learn to protect yourself.   

Rugged Endurance, it’s been a long time. Still drinking? And trying attacking people on the forum. Haven’t talked to you in peer a year. I’m sure Old Pilot and Brain miss you. Nice try...  I believe you got kicked off the forum for this very reason... I should share some of our emails with the rest of the crew... And you’ve been band as I recall: for life.