[Absolutely Fabulous]

AND WHAT ABOUT THE ONES WHO DONT RETURN? HOW IS THAT THE LBERS CHOICE?

Did you not read the initial post? Those who return. I mean really, how difficult is this?  If they don’t return, there is no discussion. The point becomes moot. The discussion is about those who return.

How did we get so off topic? Why do you need to distract from it? If they don’t come back, then there is nothing to discuss. This becomes a circlular argument, and similar to having one with the MLCer.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

How did this go from being a about the LBSer being the one to decide to an argument about newbies feelings and their issues? Can anyone explain how this went from a discussion to a cat fight?

Really? You all who aren’t seeing any movement are really so offended by a post about LBSers who do and will have to make the choice? Are you really that envious and jealous of the LBSers that will have to make the decisions that many of you won’t. And you all complain about not having support? Seriously?

1phoenix, you’re 100% right, the claws come out when you drop truth bombs. I’ll get back to this later, I have to get back to work.

[terrified_in_TN]

AND WHAT ABOUT THE ONES WHO DONT RETURN? HOW IS THAT THE LBERS CHOICE?

Did you not read the initial post? Those who return. I mean really, how difficult is this? ...

AF:

  I just wanted to point out from a lurker's point of view, I too thought like Keep Believing did.  I don't feel you were that clear on that point.

Your point that the LBS gets to decide in only those situations where the MLCer wants to come back is a fair, no brainer argument.

I think what some of those participating in the discussion are referring to are those situations where the MLCer either lacks the courage, or the desire to come back.  That is a real possibility.

Sorry for the interruption, but I can see how the confusion came about.

-T

[Keep believing]

agreed.  but af h never tried to come back . 

[Never say never]

I just have to laugh at the absurdity of this all.  I, in no way, judge anyone except myself. 

AbFab, my only comment to you is that if you have decided to not stand for your marriage, why are you still posting?  I thought this was a forum for LBSes who are standing for their marriage while moving forward.

My take is if/when your XH ever wanted to come back, you wouldn't have him.  So what good is this doing for us LBSes who are standing for our marriage?  Please don't forget, I have been at this A LONG, LONG, LONG TIME ... yet, I am standing for my marriage.  You can call me stupid, naive or anything else. 

I do "hate" the cattiness of some of these discussions, which is why I probably decided not to keep up with my thread.  It is very sad, though, that the one thing that brought all of us together is the one thing that is tearing us apart.

Maybe we all need to take a step back and think of why/what we are doing and how this is helping us move forward/backward in our progress???

[Absolutely Fabulous]

DID YOUR H EVER TRY AND COME BACK?

This is what happens when you don’t read all the way through. YES. And just let this last Oct. No, I’m not standing. My kids would kill me if I took him back. I’m not bitter, resentful or any of the sort.

I mistakenly thought that there could be a calm and rational discussion about this for those who were at this point. What was I thinking? Oh yes, that this could be a great discussion. Instead, it could rival any soap opera or reality show. It’s a shame that so many wear their feelings in their shoulders and don’t stop and think about topics that should be thought provoking. No wonder so many men leave the forum after a short time. Too many cat fights, drama and cliques.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

AND WHAT ABOUT THE ONES WHO DONT RETURN? HOW IS THAT THE LBERS CHOICE?

Did you not read the initial post? Those who return. I mean really, how difficult is this? ...

AF:

  I just wanted to point out from a lurker's point of view, I too thought like Keep Believing did.  I don't feel you were that clear on that point.

Your point that the LBS gets to decide in only those situations where the MLCer wants to come back is a fair, no brainer argument.

I think what some of those participating in the discussion are referring to are those situations where the MLCer either lacks the courage, or the desire to come back.  That is a real possibility.

Sorry for the interruption, but I can see how the confusion came about.

-T

Hey TNT haven’t  seen you for a while. I explained it in my initial post. Just goes to show how many people jump in without reading the initial post. Crazy how people defend each other and don’t even read the initial post.

[Never say never]

No offense, but I thought the title to this whole forum was:  "Dealing with Midlife Crisis and Infidelity when YOU DON'T WANT A DIVORCE."

If I'm not mistaken, I forgot that you were "my3girls" when I started this.  I know you were going to start your own business and I hope you have continued success with that.

I guess my only suggestion is that if you are "not standing for your marriage" any longer, maybe to start a new site for those of you that have had Mid-Lifers, you have gone through the sh$$ that we are going through now and have survived and thrived and are getting a new life not hoping to get your marriage back?

Just a thought ...

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Never, the point of the discussion comes down to this: we really don’t know what decision we will make until the time comes. And it really does need to be discussed. I made the decision based on the pain my kids have suffered. It’s one thing to do this to me, a while different story to do this to my kids.

It doesn’t really matter if someone is standing or not. The real question is: will you want them back after it’s all said and done? After the mirror work, the loses and gains, the new life, or new person who helps you pick up the pieces. In the end what will you choose if that day come? The LBSer not the MLCer. What will you decide?

[Never say never]

I guess my only answer is I did read your thread from the beginning.  I also looked at your profile and it says you are divorced and done.  I guess my thought was you wouldn't want your husband back at any cost.

I mean no offense.  I really don't.  We do need to discuss things and be open about it.  Isn't that the whole point?

I guess my question is, would you ever want your husband back?  If so, maybe your profile should change when it says:  "Status ... Done."  No offense meant.  Seriously.