[Rebel Yell]

Are there any MLCers that have not been abused in some form or fashion?
hehe I almost typed FARM or fashion.

[Dontgiveup]

If there are, my guess would be the number of MLCers that have not been exposed to childhood trauma (of one form or another) is very very low.  Most LBS that I know can pretty easily pinpoint childhood trauma in their MLCer.  I have heard a couple of people say that they are not aware of any, but that it's certainly possible.

To quote my ex-wife......she said my childhood was Leave it to Beaver compared to hers.  She told me that just out of the blue a few weeks after bomb drop.  I don't remember what we were talking about, but it wasn't childhood stuff......at that time, I had very little info about MLC, much less what might have caused it.

[LoveMeMyself]

Don't know if this means anything or not but I found out after the passing of MIL (4 years ago) that the younger boys (twins) were always told everything was for their older sibling.  They had to work paper routes at a very young age in an up North state where it was lots of snow/cold hard winters.  They always had to give their earnings to mom as they were told it was for their older sister.....she was treated very special and now has a lot of issues.  She is very narcissistic. My BIL mentioned this story and I had never heard it before.  I have wondered if this sparked any underlying issues my exh never dealt with. I don't know if there are more stories as this but I have a feeling there might be.  I also read something somewhere about children being raised to not allow them to voice their thoughts or opinions.  You know, the old fashion, "children are meant to be seen and not heard".   Just wondering.....not sure.

[whyme2]

My H was sexually abused by his biological father.....he sexually abused all the siblings.  I feel that KARMA played a hand, as his father died some 22 years ago at the age of 46......of a massive heart attack. 

My H turned 45 beginning of Feb......had a super hard day and reflected on the fact that he could be dead soon.....like his dad....as he was approaching the age his dad died....he suddenly left and moved out 2 weeks later......and still can cot give me a specific reason......he says, just want to be alone for awhile and need space, time.

So hear I sit (STAND)!!!!!!!
Only God knows, where this will go!

[forthetrees]

My H was not allowed to disagree with his father. None of them disagree with him to this day. IMO this is not normal. What adolescent goes thru the teens without disagreeing with their parents?

[growing every day]

I don't think my H was abused, but his family is very "formal" very traditional. His own dad has always been reserved and actully very selfish. I see a lot of my FIL in my H.

[LoveMeMyself]

Oh, also, my ex's father divorced their mom when they were around 16/17 years old. They were the only children left at home. They watched their father physically abuse their mom many times and as they got older they had one incident where they got into a physical altercation with him since he was hurting their mom.  He also drank heavily. He died at a very early age (53).  My exh has always said the men in his family didn't live long.  I also understand ex's father was a very strict man and didn't encourage them.  I think he talked "down" on them and expected so much more out of them.  He also told them he would not support them to go to college.  I suppose something like this could have an affect on someone later on in their life.  I didn't have the greatest upbringing but I've dealt with my issues and have let it go. 

[Covenant for Life]

My H did not have a good childhood.  Father was not physically or emotionally available.  Mother was cold and unaffectionate.  My H was told he would never amount to anything.  H was a loner for most of his childhood and was the object of bullying in junior high school.  He is the youngest of 4 and has never seemed to grow up; he is extremely immature.  H's brother has never married and has never even had a long term relationship with anyone. (No, he is not gay)

Something happened in their childhood that prohibited both boys from forming loving relationships with others.  They seem incapable of giving their heart to anyone and in my husband's case, that includes his own children.  It makes sense, though, since he really had no close relationship with either of his parents and now is unable to have one with his own children.  Sad.

[LettingGo]

I know that Stayed's husband says that his MLC was NOT about any childhood trauma, but about getting old....

My husband has a combination of both... childhood neglect, the TRAUMA of divorced parents, and signs of growing old coupled with the death of siblings, parents and grandparents, not to mention deaths on MY side of the family.

I am personally uncomfortable with growing older.... it causes me to wonder who the hell I am? What have I accomplished? What do I have to show for my life? Am I with the right person? How many bad choices did I make that brought me to this place.... it makes one VERY uncomfortable in one's own skin....

I also come from divorced parents and while our situation was congenial, it was STILL TRAUMATIC!! Only I didn't really know it at the time... Life was good when my parents were married (from a child's point of view)... we had a nice home.... lived in a special community... I had a horse, swimming pool, smart, mid-upperclass friends.... then my parents divorced, probably due to my Dad's MLC given my Mom's description of his behavior, and she followed her dream. I'm very happy for her, as she is an artist, but I can tell you that going from secure feeling suburban "normality" to "anything goes" bohemian, with a big dose of flying by the seat of your pants and government cheese in a tiny 2 bedroom house was traumatic.

I can totally see, from my Mother's point of view, that she owned her own home, was being true to herself and her talent, and proud of herself for "not needing a man". I'm sure she was scared a lot of the time as well... I commend her for doing a good job.... but for a kid, I would have rather stayed in my snug little piece of heaven in suburbia. That is the reality of divorce. Did we have some good times? Heck yeah, we did! But, I longed for what we had before which probably wasn't all that great, by the way, LOL!!

I just think our spouses lack coping skills. Ask yourself if you married a person who looked inside for the answers to deep questions.... did they even HAVE deep questions? Were they easily frustrated.. always blaming "circumstances" or blasting away about how "old people shouldn't have driver's licenses..." without regard to their own grandparents? Were they REACTIONARIES? Mine certainly was.... hope he drops that trait after MLC quite frankly... Was your spouse judgemental? I know mine was ALL of these things, yet, he claimed he "HATED" judgemental people.... he was VERY "unaware". Earlier tonight, he stated "no one loves me." Seriously? You reap what you sow. No one trusts you, so yeah, we might not be so damn excited that you suddenly turned your attention to us this week....

[Faith]

My H was not abused.  In fact, when we were dating I teased him about his "Normal Rockwell Family".  Farm folk, all love each other.  He was raised going to church, was in 4H, played sports and his parents were there cheering for him at all his games.

I do know his parents can not handle any type of conflict and are the types to talk behinds people's backs but be sweet as pie to their faces.  They can be a bit gossipy and judgemental and H did pick up that trait, but he overall had a great, uneventful childhood.