Author Topic: My Story Should I stay or should I go now.  (Read 6094 times)

Offline riverbirchTopic starter

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My Story Re: Should I stay or should I go now.
« Reply #120 on: October 12, 2018, 02:10:09 AM »
I wish I knew what was wrong with my mother just so I can put a label on it. I have not spoken to her since I called her with my good news. I honestly don't see a point. She only complains and talks about her stuff. I don't feel happy after talking to her and often wonder why I bothered. She says I love you but it doesn't feel genuine. She 'll post comments on facebook,usually on our posts,and usually down ones. She rarely says nice things about any of us.

I use to go see her all the time when my kids were young. Now looking back I see a lot of things differently. When I went through all this stuff she wasn't there. She didn't call to see how I was doing or my kids. I had to call her if I wanted to talk. I feel invisible to her.

She calls my middle sister all the time. She stops at her job to see her. She used to call my youngest sister all the time but my sister stopped answering the phone. She drove her nuts. She is driving my middle sister nuts now. She called my sister to ask her to text our brother for 100 bucks. She will not ask my dad. She tells him nothing. Wtf?

I know her behavior is not any of our faults. It has had its affects though on our lives. I don't think she hates us. She's just not there. I feel bad ,well not to bad,for not visiting but I can't sit there and listen to her time after time complain. If we tell her anything she tells everyone she can.  I know there is nothing I can do about this other than live MY life. She has no care to call and she will never visit. Any time she visits she gets sick so she says and has to leave. 

On a good note my job is going great. I enjoy working with our new people even though they're seasonal employees. Most do well at their job. Tomorrow I'm off with my middle sister to go check out an antique place a ways away. It's in an area we use to go to as kids,with our grandparents. So will be checking out the family history as well. If anything,this d my sister is going through has brought us closer together. I no longer have to be around Mr uncomfortable.

Mr Uncomfortable is an a$$. Surprise! His true colors have come out. He's now dating while still married and lives at home. My sister is going to get him removed. He will not give her any money and is not moving yet. He's gotten comfortable in his new life. Amazing what they do or try anyway.She should have barred him from the house when he was in the hospital but her mind heart got in the way.
Me 52
H (whatever he is) 53
D for financial reasons March 2012
Started seeing massive change over the summer 2012
Left end of October 2012
Started coming home thanksgiving 2013
Home now. March 2014
Believe ow is gone
Probably going through this for years
OW discovered Oct.23,2013,old GF from before we met at the age of 16!
Left again Oct. 20 2015
Came back two weeks later
Still here 01/17 not done yet
Home 2019,rebuilding

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Should I stay or should I go now.
« Reply #121 on: October 12, 2018, 02:38:05 AM »
Hi River,

I'd like to say "Nice to hear from you" but the trouble you are experiencing with mom and Sis has to be a real drag for you. Glad that you dropped by to give us an update though.

How is YOUR life (other than the work) going? The job itself sounds like it could be fun if it is your kind of thing, especially if one happens to be a bit of a Christmas Buff...

The absent parent factor is hard, especially when there is such a set of undercurrents going on, what with mom and all... She makes contact when she needs something but not unless then. It also sounds like she is living vicariously through her kids rather than having her own life?

Hope that you are doing well!

UM
Me - 54
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline riverbirchTopic starter

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Re: Should I stay or should I go now.
« Reply #122 on: October 12, 2018, 05:19:18 PM »
She has no life. She sits at home and complains. She hates my dad but won't divorce him. He use to ask her to go fishing and stuff but she refused then complained that he'd go. You can't win with her.

My life is going on. I get out a bit. My health is getting better. The h is going to school and working. Kids are good and so are the grandkids. Life is different than before though. I see people different than I use to. I see the h differently than the past. I'm still having issues with feelings of love for him. I don't let it drag me down. Maybe some day I 'll feel safe enough to give to love fully again. I don't know.

Me 52
H (whatever he is) 53
D for financial reasons March 2012
Started seeing massive change over the summer 2012
Left end of October 2012
Started coming home thanksgiving 2013
Home now. March 2014
Believe ow is gone
Probably going through this for years
OW discovered Oct.23,2013,old GF from before we met at the age of 16!
Left again Oct. 20 2015
Came back two weeks later
Still here 01/17 not done yet
Home 2019,rebuilding

Offline riverbirchTopic starter

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Re: Should I stay or should I go now.
« Reply #123 on: February 14, 2019, 02:48:30 AM »
I just realized what day it is. I don't think we really celebrated it anyway. We would get candy for each other but that's it. No sloppy,drooling cards. Neither of us are like that.

Life goes on. Work home,and whatever. Eventually it has to. I don't think about things so much now. He's here. Taking the rest of his classes and working two part time jobs. He comes home everyday and does normal stuff. He's still drinking,but you know what? That's his problem to deal with and I don't let his stuff suck life out of me.

Work is good for me. I became a trainer last Christmas peak time for my department in monogramming. There were three of us doing it together. It was my first time and it went pretty well. I had one young girl that tried many times to cause issues with me. Then there's the clique that I don't belong to.  Don't care to either. I would do it again and made many new work friends.

Right now I'm doing a new position in the company and same floor and am enjoying that. It's been a nice break from the drama queens,who don't think they're drama queens. The clique. Just like high school ::)

I've been getting my health taken care of. My thyroid levels have evened out but I was still dealing with the depression,anxiety and pain issues. I've been on antidepressants for a while. It's been slow going. I've changed again. I was feeling nasty again and hateful towards others,especially at work. The clique again. I've been mean to h too. Kind of have no feelings either. Like I could care less about anything.  :-\

I had talked to the Dr a while ago about the pain I was having and at first she recommended a Rheumatologist,thinking I have RA. I don't think that's it at all and put it off til the thyroid meds kicked in. Now the pain isn't as severe as before but it's there. Change in weather wreaks havoc on my body along with being tired. I've been working long hours and crash on my day off. Finally I got sick of it and talked to her again. I had done some research on different pain illnesses and thought of fibromyalgia. The more I dug,the more it's what it sounded like I had. My Dr mentioned it the last time I saw her. I never mentioned it myself.

Last week I saw her again and mentioned seeing a Rheumatologist again but we've decided to wait. There is no real test for fibromyalgia other than checking tender points in the body and listening to what I tell her. So my meds for depression were changed to Cymbalta for now and I 'll see how it goes. Yoga has been recommended as well. I'm hoping it kicks in real soon. I'm seeing a little bit of change in my mood towards others so far,but it's only been a week. I'm trying to be nice to h too.

I've also been spending more time alone. A little too much. Isolation.

One other good thing. My oldest d checked herself into the hospital ,over a month ago. She was drinking so heavy all the time. Her and I had a falling out last year over this and it sucks. She did her thing on her own. I had no idea until over a week later. She was in the hospital four days and has been doing IOP regularly and going to AA meetings. Let's hope this sticks. She has run to alcohol to deal with her ex a$$hole and life.

Me 52
H (whatever he is) 53
D for financial reasons March 2012
Started seeing massive change over the summer 2012
Left end of October 2012
Started coming home thanksgiving 2013
Home now. March 2014
Believe ow is gone
Probably going through this for years
OW discovered Oct.23,2013,old GF from before we met at the age of 16!
Left again Oct. 20 2015
Came back two weeks later
Still here 01/17 not done yet
Home 2019,rebuilding

Offline Thunder

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Re: Should I stay or should I go now.
« Reply #124 on: February 14, 2019, 03:45:39 AM »
Hi River, nice to hear from you.

Sounds like you're at least getting your thyroid in check.  That's a good thing.  I wonder about the aches and pains you get.

It is odd your doctor wants to hold off on the R specialist.  What could she possibly want to wait for?
There are simple blood tests that can show them some things.

When I went is showed I had a mild Immune Disorder.  I was getting bad pains in my joints, but only occasionally.  I did have 2 cortisone shots that worked really well.  Got immediate relief.

I'm glad you feel the anti-depressants are starting to work.  They do take awhile to really get in your system.  Let us know how the new drug is working.

Things with your H sounds calmer, or maybe you're just dealing with him differently.  It seems you've maybe reach Detachment.   :)
Detachment does help to ignore things that would normally upset you.  So that's a good thing.

It amazes me your H can do classes, hold down 2 part-time jobs..and still drink.   ::)
I'm am glad to hear your D got herself some help, though.  I hope she sticks to it!

Hugs
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline riverbirchTopic starter

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Re: Should I stay or should I go now.
« Reply #125 on: February 15, 2019, 12:37:16 AM »
I went out for a bit during the afternoon on Valentine's day and when I came home there was a bouquet of flowers in a vase and a box of chocolates. I have not received anything for Valentine's day from him since he started his midlife crisis!

Me 52
H (whatever he is) 53
D for financial reasons March 2012
Started seeing massive change over the summer 2012
Left end of October 2012
Started coming home thanksgiving 2013
Home now. March 2014
Believe ow is gone
Probably going through this for years
OW discovered Oct.23,2013,old GF from before we met at the age of 16!
Left again Oct. 20 2015
Came back two weeks later
Still here 01/17 not done yet
Home 2019,rebuilding

Online Mitzpah

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Re: Should I stay or should I go now.
« Reply #126 on: February 15, 2019, 02:18:54 AM »
I went out for a bit during the afternoon on Valentine's day and when I came home there was a bouquet of flowers in a vase and a box of chocolates. I have not received anything for Valentine's day from him since he started his midlife crisis!

That's lovely River!
M 57
H 57
S 27
S 25
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline Slow Fade

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Re: Should I stay or should I go now.
« Reply #127 on: February 15, 2019, 07:48:27 AM »
That's wonderful!

I came home to a box of flowers (delivered by UPS, but whatever) It had beautiful roses, a teddy bear and a box of chocolates. First spontaneous gift I've received since MLC as well!
Movement! Yay!
Married 18
BD April 2012
Left home Nov 2012
Home May 2016

Online Milly

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Re: Should I stay or should I go now.
« Reply #128 on: February 15, 2019, 11:07:38 AM »
Oh, River, how wonderful! I love that you came home and found the flowers and chocolates but had not been expecting them. First time since BD? Amazing! Thanks for sharing this moment with us.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

 

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