Author Topic: My Story ME  (Read 4062 times)

Online Rosetintedglasses

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 411
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: ME
« Reply #40 on: June 14, 2018, 03:13:46 PM »

Thanks so much for updating, good on you for texting him. And what a response.

Hugs to J
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Savoir Faire

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4384
  • Gender: Female
Re: ME
« Reply #41 on: June 14, 2018, 06:55:27 PM »
Such a lovely post 1t, it's obvious your H is very depressed but still telling himself he is on the right path.  I'm glad he saw the video of J, I hope it makes him think a lot.       

I'm so sorry he is getting married to the stupid ow, he will  be divorced soon as well but it doesn't help knowing that, does it :'(

I'm sure many of the ow's are incredibly manipulative and have psychological problems. They are very similar to our MLcers and we need to remember that for our own sanity.

It's always been obvious he loves you.  I do hope he comes out of crisis one day.

For now 1t, get on with your life and try to keep your mind off what he's doing. 

"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way.'s thread)

Online stillbaffled

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3959
  • Gender: Female
Re: ME
« Reply #42 on: June 14, 2018, 07:22:27 PM »
Thank you for sharing, 1T. 

Your J sounds like a wonderful pet.  He is lucky to have you. 

After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Online Mae

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1622
  • Gender: Female
Re: ME
« Reply #43 on: June 14, 2018, 07:57:50 PM »
Dearest 1T,

I think you had an idea of the kind of headspace your xH is in and this contact confirmed that. He is still very depressed and stuck, unable to take any kind of action or control of his life other than simply seeing each day through.

His depression has gone on for quite some time now and your reflection of that touch and go from last year is, I think quite accurate. He was on a 'high' when in contact with you which galvanized him initially but then, inevitably the cycle turned down again. I can see the same pattern with my H in the months leading up to his return, he was desperate to come home.....which in hindsight should have been a huge red flag to me, his emotions were running very high and then as soon as he came home he spiraled down again.

I understand that surge of anger and visits me too but never lingers for too long

It's sad that nothing seems to have changed for must be just awful to go through years of being depressed.
Me: 50
H: 40
S19, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Silent and non-communicative

Offline The lighthouse

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3900
  • Gender: Female
Re: ME
« Reply #44 on: June 22, 2018, 03:17:07 PM »
Just catching up 1T.

I'm glad you sent your H the video of J and that he shared with you how it made him feel.

He is quite obviously still in a very dark place and like so many of these MLC'ers, he's on that wheel going around and around and he can't get off.

Keep looking after yourself and J.

Hugs X
M 1992
BD June 2011
Still with OW - No legal action

I am the lighthouse. I don't go out into the storm after the ship.  The ship finds me.

Offline 1troubleTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1822
  • Gender: Female
Re: ME
« Reply #45 on: July 04, 2018, 02:18:05 PM »

So I feel the need to update my thread and I don't do small updates so I hope you bear with me!! :o

Firstly here is the MLC update......some of you may have seen some of this on another thread but in the interests of continuity I wanted logged here and with a bit more detail

H has always been happy for me to sell his old van which is still on the drive and use the money (originally for a new bathroom) but as our dog seems to be suffering from more medical issues, it was going to be used to contribute to his care...

So I had a mechanic round to get it up and going ready for sale.
It hasn't been plain sailing as it has an electrical fault and for anyone who knows about motors this could mean lots of cash which I don't have and as my mechanic said, you could spend a lot, fix it and not get much more back, so I took the decision to sell it with the fault and just get some cash for J...

I phoned h to sign the ownership papers, not thinking there would be a problem, as we have discussed the van being sold in the past.  The phone call took place in June, (we hadn't spoken since  February) I told him J hadnt been too good - he has arthritis , he didn't ask much about him tbh and I said my new bathroom had gone out the window and I needed the money from his van to fund J's care now....he said he will get 'his' mechanic to look at the fault....I then reminded him I have the paperwork to the caravan here too and I would give it to him (he has the caravan in the divorce settlement) he said lets get the van sorted out first and assured me he would get the mechanic sorted out...I  didn't argue and just said ok...…he said he would call me a few days later

A week or so went by...……………..Nothing Happens, no phone call nothing.......…………………………….so I called him again to ask what was happening and I never intended to say more than that BUT, he asked me how much money I was going to put the van up for and I said £1000 (its worth more without the fault but at this point I just want the case for J), he said its worth £35000 (the figure put on the financial stuff for the D 18 months ago) and I tried to say to him to get that sort of money you would need to get the electrical fault fixed, new tyres, battery, etc. he wouldn't listen, he just wanted me off the phone...…….

So I ventured into waters I didn't meant to go............….so I said look H I just want the van off the drive...come on lets face it you are moving on, I know you are getting married in a months time ..................he was silent...............and on my dads birthday....why my dads birthday H? who's idea was that? why that day?

he replied I don't know, how was I suppose to know!!
I replied but H you know my dads birthday!

he said no I don't...I wouldn't chose that day
I said then she did, she knew

he said how would 'they' know?!

I said it only takes her to check M & H's facebook page or twitter (my niece and nephew)

I went on to say...………….it would have been nice to hear it from you

he replied I was going to come round and talk to you...……….. :o ??? ::) :P :o...……… hell he he talked to me about the d??!!!!

I said look you are obviously moving on and so I need to too, its obvious we are over so I want the van gone and off the drive

he said I will get it sorted out and I will sell it and give you the £1000

I will call you next week...………………………..
as  I am sure you can guess nothing happened

So the day I spoke to him I had to take j to the vets later as he has a cough and it led to us being sent to another more specialist vets to have heart scan as the vets picked up an irregular heartbeat....luckily the heart scan was ok and the irregular heart beat didn't even show on an ecg….
so the vet said he would need a chest x-ray which was scheduled for last Thursday (a week after I spoke to H)
J had to have a general anaesthetic and so I looked at my poor furbaby that morning before I took him in and I got angry, here we were (both J and me) going through another problem together, (since H has left we have lost our other dog, J has had his toe off, he has had other lumps cut off, been diagnosed with arthritis and I have had an operation and a back fracture) I am struggling financially, doing two jobs, sleeping on the settee until the early hours of the morning to be with J whio can no longer make the stairs and h hasn't paid a penny toward any of it and is in  la la land planning this fake wedding and going on yet another holiday when I have only had 3 nights away in the last three years

so that morning, I text him last week saying about J's heart scan and chest x-ray and that I wanted NOTHING from him, NO MONEY nothing I just want the van gone, said I had paid out to get the van up and running and through the MOT and I don't want that money back for that either, to call it a wedding present!
said I cant believe he was tying himself up to that fruitloop but it was his life and watching his life was just like watching a car crash in slow motion but I didn't want to watch anymore just get on with my life

and told him to let me know when someone was going to pick up the van and I would put in his golf clubs and the paperwork for the caravan in it.....

The Xray preliminary results show J has bronchitis, though his arthritis is worse than I thought ( I am awaiting expert analysis of the xray still) so hopefully we can solve the breathing coughing problems and the arthritis is under control for now with anti inflammatories  and painkillers

The van still sits on the drive (rotting, as does the caravan in storage and costing him £400.00 a year to stay where it is) but that's his problem......its a metaphor for his life I guess everything around him rotting and depreciating....but I have another plan for J's care and will be selling some other stuff off to ensure H contributes to J's care

I feel sad this is where we are, in some ways but its more his problem than mine because I know when I love I really LOVE

Just as I am ensuring I am doing everything for J, I did the same thing for H.......though for H it has proved to be futile
BUT I still am at peace with myself, because I know I have done my best and done everything I can, I realise its the way I work.
I cant be any other way....I have to know I have done everything to feel peace..
We are all different, some need revenge, some need karma, I need to know I did everything I could 

The fake wedding takes place on 28th I will feel at the time, who knows.............but I do find myself every day getting more and more detached from it
its his life, his mistake, his mess, his fncked up thinking and it comes from his total inability to face stuff, his weakness, his childhood issues, his inability to say wht he wants thinks and feels, his avoidance etc etc.
But none of this has anything to do with me, our marriage or my life now (unless I let it)

I dont look at the OW's fakebook page anymore its all full of the same $hite....'oh its monday...a long time to the weekend'

'oh its tuesday...'
'hump wednesday....'
' more day until friday...' get the picture ::)

The makeup demos
and wedding wedding wedding

But after the "wedding" there are the bills, there is real life.....there is nothing to talk about except makeup and what day of the week it is ......there is no ex wife there is no delay on divorce, there is nothing but two damaged people who have no staying ability, who have lots of issues, who look for external validation and stimulation and who run away when things get tough....

The van continue to rot on the drive for now, I wont be chasing him

As for me well I am doing ok and will be ok...slowly I am getting stronger and stronger, I have old friends coming back into my life (because of their own divorces and seperations), new friends, a special LBS friend and old friends, lack of money has galvanised me into action in building up my damaged business (I let it all go because of MLC - my fault) I am busy working at my other job - weddings ironically are part of my life!

J is my joy and I have other business opportunities which are on the backburner but I will start at some point..


"I can't go back to yesterday I was a different person then"..............Alice in Wonderland

you NEVER know how strong you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have"

Offline heroIam

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1741
  • Gender: Female
Re: ME
« Reply #46 on: July 04, 2018, 03:09:39 PM »
Hey 1t.
I love having visits ---- if you want to get away for awhile, come on over to California, let me know!
Despite H playing house with his skank, you sound like you are doing good.  I know it's sh*t and firetrucked up, but that is where these MLCers are at, unfortunately.  My H hasn't pursued anything, everything still the same 4 years later.  And, I'm learning to live with it.

Take care of J and you, 1t.
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline Anjae

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 14035
  • Gender: Female
Re: ME
« Reply #47 on: July 04, 2018, 03:57:34 PM »
I'm sorry to hear about J, but you are taking good care of him.

Husband and the van = MLCer and their bizarre way.

You're right, once the wedding is over, normal life will set in.

Congratulation on going to the World Cup quarter-finals.  :) With Portugal and Germany, by two teams out, I root for England and Belgium to get to the final. If both will, I will probably root for England.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Online Mae

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1622
  • Gender: Female
Re: ME
« Reply #48 on: July 04, 2018, 05:09:20 PM »
1T you are amazing and an incredible woman. MLCer was very very lucky to have had you in his life for as long as he did.

My dh runs away behind my back, vanishes from my life and is gone from our kid's lives pretty much and I'm ropable over that, which to be fair is pretty standard MLC stuff around here and my H is on the mild side of "WTF", keeps his financial commitments and no monster. If he threw in an 'OW', 'repeated unkept promises', his S**** rotting away at the house, and splashing money around on holidays and weddings while I was financially struggling.....I would be literally a screaming banshee in his face every day.

I did see part of the ongoing van saga on another thread and I'm glad you re-posted the whole version.

Could the wedding date falling on your dad's birthday be entirely coincidental? It really doesn't seem like something your x would do, OW...maybe.

With everything that is happening with furbaby, the van, the impending wedding, you are still pushing through. Despite everything you are taking charge.

I'm glad you stopped watching OW's antics, glad you have distanced yourself from watching the train wreck that is your ex.

As an aside I was kinda hoping Colombia was going to win  ;)
Me: 50
H: 40
S19, D15
Together for 19 years
BDay in 2004, 2011 and now March 5 2017
Ran away on 5 March BD
Returned home 'underdone' 1 July 2017.
Left again 22 October 2017.
H - Silent and non-communicative

Online Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 18280
  • Gender: Female
Re: ME
« Reply #49 on: July 04, 2018, 05:28:47 PM »
OMG 1t, he is still the same lost soul.   :-\

It's incredible how very long this lasts and how they just need to do the ultimate stupid by marrying them.   ::)

You are such a good mom.  You are doing everything you can to make J feel comfortable and loved.  He's a good boy and deserves that.
From a fellow doggie lover, bless your heart, 1t.

With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.


SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk