Author Topic: My Story Trying to figure things out...  (Read 3798 times)

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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My Story Re: Trying to figure things out...
« Reply #110 on: June 12, 2019, 04:04:10 PM »
Welcome back, DBD! Hope you're on the mend physically.

Quote
Is this midlife crisis memory thing a real thing? Is it possible he really does not remember some of the things he has said or done?
Yes.

"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2:  FA
W is still at home but says she's leaving.

Offline DaybyDay1Topic starter

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Re: Trying to figure things out...
« Reply #111 on: June 13, 2019, 05:27:40 PM »
So since I spill my guts about my marriage on this board... here goes more information!  TMI? 

I had to get my ovaries removed because I'm BRCA positive which means I have a genetic mutation which increases my cancer risk by a whole lot.  I was supposed to get this done six years ago but have been too chicken.  I figured I might as well do it now because I believe stress is a breeding ground for cancer and I also figured I might as well get all the chaos and emotions dealt with at one time.  Why not add medically induced menopause symptoms (mood swings and hot flashes) to my already spinning brain and broken heart?  Well, guess what! My doctor said those symptoms should have started within 24 hours of surgery.  It's been a week and I haven't had even an inkling of anything.  In fact, I will even dare to say that I feel more emotionally leveled out.  She said this is also a possible, yet rare, side effect. 

I feel like I am jumping the gun on all of this, but I even think this is helping me detach.  I have stuck to very minimal contact with H.  I only respond to his texts still.  He is lessening those texts by a LOT, but it doesn't even bother me.  I figured that would be his reaction.  I was expecting myself to get all upset like a junkie needing a fix, but I'm not.  I just keep thinking that everyone says this is what needs to happen and I'm going to trust the group consensus.  Maybe I've finally surrendered?  Maybe I've finally come to grips that this is ALL out of my control?  I don't know.  I don't know if I'll wake up tomorrow a hot flashing, moody, upset mess... but I do know that I feel somewhat peaceful today and I hope and pray with all my heart and soul that this continues.
Married 1997
BD: 9/14/17
Currently separated
Working on reconciliation one minute and divorce the next
Two Sons - 19 and 16

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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Re: Trying to figure things out...
« Reply #112 on: June 19, 2019, 08:30:09 AM »
Glad you've found some peace, DBD. And glad the surgery went well.

I don't think TMI is an issue on HS. We're anonymous and we all have our own issues, so share away!
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2:  FA
W is still at home but says she's leaving.

Online Treasur

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Re: Trying to figure things out...
« Reply #113 on: June 19, 2019, 10:20:04 AM »
Agree with PJ....HS is a place where we can 'boldly go' with this stuff lol.

How brave and smart of you to bite the bullet and get it done. In a funny way, I wonder if this experience is so horrific that it makes old fears seem much more do-able. And I am really pleased to hear that so far you are making a good recovery....long may it last. And the minimal contact? Again perhaps a side benefit of surgery and recovery is that right now you just feel instinctively that your energy is needed elsewhere? Let him swing in his own wind while you do you and get better x
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline DaybyDay1Topic starter

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Re: Trying to figure things out...
« Reply #114 on: June 19, 2019, 04:24:10 PM »
Thanks, PJ and Treasur, recovery seems to be going pretty well still.  Emotions are under control and no hot flashes... yet.  Still very cautiously optimistic.

I start teaching summer school on Monday and I am looking forward to it.  I survived this month off of school much better than last year's.  Hoping that being busy all of July helps me as much as it helped me last year.  I was in a really good place by September of last year. 

H and I have been texting a lot more this week.  He's sending just regular "everyday" kinds of texts and I'm responding.  I am initiating a few now and then too.  I didn't stick to my idea of only responding to him, but things have felt friendly and it doesn't seem to be hurting anything.  It actually seems to be going well. 

He comes back from Detroit sometime next week and our anniversary is June 27.  We haven't mentioned it at all.  Not sure if we will do anything to acknowledge the day or not.  He also introduced my kids to ow last 4th of July so I'm a little apprehensive about that day too.  Not that he'll take them to her country club party that they went to last year... but that he will go.  I reread my thread and he has been really good at making me believe they are not together when it would appear, looking back, that they were indeed together.  I know there's not one thing I can do about it.  I know that I can't stress out about it and change anything.  I just wish this would all go away.  I will do my best to stay focused on me and not care what he does.
Married 1997
BD: 9/14/17
Currently separated
Working on reconciliation one minute and divorce the next
Two Sons - 19 and 16

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: Trying to figure things out...
« Reply #115 on: June 21, 2019, 08:58:03 PM »
Attaching Day!  I look forward to reading your story when we get back from TX!
Married 19 years
Husband is 41
I am 38
BD-October 10 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), I believe he is on to OW 2(PA)
BD 2-March 2019-He is getting an apartment

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

 

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