Author Topic: My Story He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky  (Read 1545 times)

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starter

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My Story Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #60 on: June 12, 2018, 02:14:04 AM »
Hi y’all!

H was over and went with children to cinema, after they came back and I had been doing some work in the house and H helped with a few things which was useful. He stayed until around midnight and happy enough.  He was complaining slightly about his mother and then his father doing/saying things he didn’t agree with.  He said he would be back to do some gardening a couple of days later.

He didn’t turn up which was annoying but the children didn’t seem to notice so that was good. He did pick up S and bring him home which was nice and he said he had been out with the choir the day before, which we knew he was doing, and had had one too many beers the night before so wasn’t able to help with the gardening. Ideally he could have texted but tbh I was then more concerned about who he had been with from choir as it’s mainly female. Obviously I don’t trust him and was questioning my stand at that point.

The next day D had a dentist appt and H had said he would come so I thought I better remind him as D was keen for him to be there. He replied and was glad of the reminder and we arranged to meet. All was ok and afterwards he said did we want to go for lunch. Yes we did so off we went, he was driving and we went somewhere on the way back. It was a place H and I had gone last year and I really remembered it as it was the first time I 100% noticed his disconnect from me. He had been at IC that day and was talking about ‘not wanting talked back into his marriage’ etc and it was the first time it was clear he thought the grass was greener elsewhere. This time was better and I am glad to be on this side of that time last year. We then dropped him at his parents and went home.

Strangely he then called us at night to say he was coming over and wanted to talk with S about an event coming up. So he was over that night too and really saw all the homework, tears, tidying, mess that goes on during the week. And of course S was keen to get time on his x-box before bed. S did ask H where we were going on vacation and H had said he wasn’t sure as it’s so expensive. His parents never go on vacation and I am not living like that so I have been thinking about it and that’s quite a big deal to me. With or without him I want a vacation soon! H and I chatted alone on the doorstep for a while and I made sure I didn’t say anything heavy as he probably was worried about it just being the 2 of us but I kept it light.

S said he wants H to come back but he also doesn’t! I think it’s because when H is here he’s a visitor and has days worth of things to catch up on. It’s not relaxing and natural. Anyway, I know how S feels!

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Oct 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #61 on: June 12, 2018, 08:13:51 AM »
Rose
I understand your son too. That has to be draining .
Your Hs mind seems to be running in circles. But, that is normal of a MLCer, they are so confused,  they don't know which way to run.

I agree on the vacation Rose. With or without him. Vacations are a must. I would definetly plan one.

You sound good Rose.  Steady as you are.  H is working his way along. There will be more days of clarity,  and then some more confused ones, Lord help him. But he definetly seems better atm.

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #62 on: June 14, 2018, 02:17:41 AM »
Thanks Help. It shows your strength of character going through what you are this week that you still find time to support others. It’s appreciated. A lot.

Recently when H was here he was saying he had seen a funny video on Twitter and said to me to look it up. I got my cell and was searching through twitter. H stood and watched over my shoulder (I was hoping nothing controversial came up in my history!) it was difficult to find it and he actually started scrolling through with me resting his hand on mine while trying to find it for quite a while. Of course I immediately forgot what I was looking for as was so busy noticing this ‘little thing’ of him touching me and realising how big these little things actually feel!!

Ha ha I know how pathetic it all is but that’s life atm!
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Oct 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Whyus

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Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #63 on: June 14, 2018, 03:09:49 AM »
Hi Rose,

there is nothing pathetic about that, the LBS Army tend to notice everything no matter how little. It may well have been some Kind of test from your H (ill touch her and see how she reacts, see if she pulls away).

I bet you was bricking it though with him seeing your Twitter  ;D
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #64 on: June 14, 2018, 04:57:06 AM »
Rose, there is nothing pathetic at all. Any of us, not just women either, I'm speaking for myself, and I classified myself as one strong man . I remember my Ws first touch after months of nothing. My whole body was shaking. Hell,  I couldn't have spelled my name if someone would have ask.

It's normal. He should be LUCKY, YOU DIDNT PULL YOUR HAND AWAY!!
You hang in there Rose. Your doing great!

Online RedStar

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Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #65 on: June 14, 2018, 08:23:26 AM »
Adding to the chorus here of how we pay attention to those "little" things. Every time he doesn't shrink from me as we pass in the hall, every piece of volunteered information (because generally, I don't ask), every time he asks for a hug after some negotiation or other as I make an effort to create a safe environment for it.

Keep on keeping on, Rose.

Online Sam I Am

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Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #66 on: June 14, 2018, 09:19:18 AM »
Rose - Nothing wrong with the little things and appreciating them when they happen.  Glad to see some positive progression for you and the family!  Baby steps!
I choose to feel blessed.”
I choose to feel grateful.
I choose to be excited.
I choose to be thankful.
I choose to be HAPPY.”

https://affaircare.com/the-180/

No matter what....find a positive...no matter how small it is there is always a positive.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out same day to be with OW (EA become PA approx. 2 mos prior)
BY 1966
H BY 1966
Married 32.5 years
Together 35 years
D - 1989 Married with 2 children, living locally
S -  1991 Professional School living across Country  - Still relies on us for support
3 Dogs - 1 was his baby that he left behind
Standing
No legal action yet
3/5/18 OW moved to another State  H moved in with F  
3/19/18  H moved home and is living in spare room  Reason:  Wasn't happy living with F and had an urge to want to be Home.  OW moved out of State.

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #67 on: June 15, 2018, 02:51:46 AM »
Thank you all.

Yes Whyus - I thought any minute now my search for OW (or her H!) will pop up and ruin the moment! Thankfully I’m passed that but must delete my search history.
Helping - Ha ha you describe that so well. That makes me feel better!
RedStar - I know what you mean about passing in the hall, I’ve noticed that has gone for H just now so that’s good.  The minimum passing space required has reduced! No hugs though!
Sampsed - A year ago he shivered if I walked past him, glad he’s not still like that.

The reason I said ‘pathetic’ is as I remember reading a thread when I first joined and the lady was dressing up as she may see her MLC H in the passing. He was over 3 years in to his crisis and I thought I can’t do this, it’s too long, too difficult and for too little reward.

If any new LBS read my thread they would think the same, and they’d be right it is ridiculous. But atm my life is calm and peaceful so I’ll take it!!

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Oct 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #68 on: June 15, 2018, 03:22:30 AM »
Rose,that's best way to be. Peaceful.
 Maybe you have a parkrun this weekend. That would be even more peaceful.
Steady as you are Rose. Just let him keep easing towards you. More peaceful days to come.

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: He’s having a mlc 2 - Lucky
« Reply #69 on: June 19, 2018, 06:54:17 AM »
How are things Rose? Hope you are still running.

 

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