Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Treasur on March 18, 2020, 10:06:05 AM
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Prompted by WhyUs's thread, wondered if it might be useful to share some GAL successes or ideas here....
Me? Podcasts and getting out on my allotment (conveniently at least 20ft from anyone else minimum and those veggies might come in handy in a few months time lol)
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For me , giving this house a huge spring cleaning. Honestly it has been ignored for a good couple of years, and the new kitchen spread drywall dust and stuff everywhere that has not been deep cleaned. Drapes down, baseboards repainted, purging piles of unnecessary stuff etc etc . Not truly fun at all but will feel good when done. Been sewing ..made 3 new tops and a dress, been painting with my kid and tried a new soup recipe. H is now working from home as he is in a high risk category ( diabetic and 1 kidney) however, I would bet he is back on the job site on Monday. Next I am going to download a garden design app and make some plan to revamp my garden. If I was in here for a year, I would not run out of things to occupy me.
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We have to stay home now, unless for important stuff such as food or doctor.
Working from home at a new job gave me a lot of stress and I was having trouble adjusting.
Today my doctor has set me home for a week, as I have mild lung issues. Feel fine tough!
But my, this is going to be a challenge, to keep my chin up. Keeping my mind from wondering about..
Started working full-time to actually get out of this house. Haha, really..
Actually I am glad I have company, good weather and a garden to enjoy. Could be worse.
How to fill these days while obligatory rest subscribed? Not sure yet, practising music, playing Nintendo, Netflix, gardening, drawing, taking a walk ( in the garden) and taking care of our pets will have to be it for now.
I think it’s important to accept the situation, that the only thing we can do to contribute is staying inside and if you can and are allowed helping out others.
And see this as any challenge in life: it happens to us and we have to make the best of it. Could still be worse. I am going to enjoy gardening and do whatever I feel like doing at the moment it occurs to me. Take a nap, play a game, eat a snack, enjoying the sun,.. How luxurious is that?
It will have to be simple pleasant things for me that hopefully won’t bore me after day 1 ???
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We are walking to the bay and beach quite a bit and pulling out the kayaks/paddle boards. Also many more walks, audio books, board games, kids continue to play at park.
We have had three sleepovers this week, so the kids are somewhat entertained. I’m doing a lot of spring cleaning as well and baking/cooking up a storm.
Getting regular exercise on my smart tv(beach body), which I think is important to keep depression at bay.
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I absolutely love audiobooks! I'm pretty much evangelical about the Audible app and part of my daily regime is to listen to audiobooks for about an hour and a half. It helps me control my thoughts while also learning about various topics. I'm currently listening to The Source, which is a positive thinking type of book, written by a neuroscientist/psychiatrist. It's really fascinating!
My D and I are lucky to live in front of a gorgeous forest and so we walk there everyday ( I'm devoted to doing the 10K steps thing).
@treasur Did you happen to get my message? I'm not sure if I did something wrong as I don't see it in my sent inbox or my general inbox so I'm wondering if I somehow accidentally deleted it. lol!
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I did get your message, Brit :)
I like Audible too. Podcasts work great for me bc I can listen to them while keeping my hands busy! My latest fave is one called On Being, available for free on Sticher, that covers all kinds of different subjects. Nice to stretch the brain a bit as well as stretching the body.
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And this is beautiful....https://mobile.twitter.com/YoYo_Ma/status/1238572657278431234
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I have completed my life coaching and NLP diploma and psychology foundation (very basic) certificate and so am working on developing and using online for coaching as well as constantly learning and developing my knowledge.
I am now focussed on getting house ready for sale and that means a little more work than I intended to do originally and if I don't sell (because a recession could be on the way) then at least I have a nicely decorated and clean house to live in for a while. Some of these jobs H had promised to do when we moved in in 2003 and never finished them off so now that feels like a really good goal.
Gardening - yep!
I have been asked to set up an online choir; the technology eludes me but this will be a good time to learn
I have also accepted that my one other goal can now be achieved with no excuses. I have long wanted to write shortened and edited adaptations of a particular playwright aimed at all school ages and so now I can because I have no reason to distract me.
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kids continue to play at park. / We have had three sleepovers this week,
Finding, this is a massive Problem and shouldnt be Happening. They have dismantled all that is possible in the parks here in Germany. Swings etc. If the Kids go to the park and meet then they just as well be at School. You are missing the Point here unfortunately. No more parks or Sleep Overs!
I personally still have to go to work, K has Homeoffice as does S20 and S21. It is Possible that my Office will shut down next week but we have to wait and see what our main customer does >:( (a large German car Company starting with V and ending with W)
S20 is missing the Gym bigtime but he will survive, I have told him to jog/ Mountain bike through the Woods, do pressups, sit ups and skip. He is considering it :-).
I have my dart board, record Collection, my guitars and I will start painting again if I do get shut down. I will probably also do what I recommended to S20.
Stay safe People and take this seriously.
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I still have to go in to work. But I've curtailed anything other than that. I check on the horses on the way home and then stay in. I'm enjoying being lazy after work right now. I don't get much down time. So I'm making the most of it. Jammies on when I hit the door and a good book or a good movie. On my days off I go riding, horses or motorcycle, but I keep to myself and then some gardening - which I truly enjoy as well. I mean flowers, I don't seem to have the ability to grow vegetables. LOL. But I love flowers so that works for me.
I am enjoying the quiet time.
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I'm working from home. I continue to run. I've been doing some house cleaning and maintenance. And as Spring approaches I've been thinking about getting out my camera, going to the parks, and taking some photos. That's kind of a solitary thing and I will probably find that it's easier now to get landscape photos without any people in them.
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And as Spring approaches
Doesnt spring start today???
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I've heard that rumor but Spring doesn't seem to have reached western NY. Soon, I hope. :)
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We have been in lock down for 10 days. We've done a lot of gardening and tidying outside since we have nice weather and can sit outside. We've done sorting in the house and much needed in depth cleaning like windows.
I also work from home in part, but I've had time to play some games with my kids. We play outdoors because of the good weather. My D and I have been teaching S how to cook and he's been our chef these nights. Both my kids have been baking like mad and trying new recipes.
My D went for a run this morning but that might be banned any day. I think my kids will exercise in the garden together on yoga mats.
I think it's a good time for getting creative regarding our homes and gardens. Doing those little repairs we put off, painting patches or whole rooms, resorting cupboards and washing the big stuff like blankets. That's what we've been doing.
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My D has been to buy sourdough starter. We can’t find flour although I do have some strong bread flour that should have been used by mid 2018. I’m thinking it will be ok.
I’m reading Hilary Mantels marvellous new book - the third in the Thomas Cromwell trilogy. It’s very very thick. Now Henry 8th would make our mlc spouses look fairly tame...
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Sounds like everyone is doing good with this "social distancing".
The college I'm attending is closed until April 6th.
Trees have buds, daffodils are up.
Spring cleaning and decorating, sunflower place mats for the table to brighten things up, blankets on furniture have been replaced with lighter brighter ones, crafting bunnies out of baby socks, started spinach and tomato seeds ( they have sprouted) planting some lettuce seeds next, made strawberry jam for the first time today, baking banana oatmeal bread, making tuna noodle casserole for dinner, staying in touch with friends and family. Probably clean out the car, the little dog needs a bath.
I start what I call a rolling list. I sit and write down everything I want to accomplish and cross things off when they are done.If there's something I don't get done today it rolls over to the next day.
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I've heard that rumor but Spring doesn't seem to have reached western NY. Soon, I hope. :)
Your using the ground hog method, looking outside and forecasting the arrival of spring.
I hope it arrives for you soon too.
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I want to run in the room (where W is) and say..... "It's got me [clutching chesk]..... it's got me!!!! Thhheeeee Corona........... [ugghhhh] it's got me......."
and hold up a Corona beer bottle.
;D
Too bad I don't drink.
Sounds like GAL to me..... ;)
-SS
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You gotta laugh SS. It's sooo important, It boosts your immune system. I watched a really funny stand up DVD. It's not for everyone. Carlos Mencia " Not for the easily offended"
Pretty raw, but he is so funny.
Had a guy send me a photo this morning he had to borrow a friends truck. The photo was a roll of toilet paper with "THANK YOU!" written on it and he left it on the guys dashboard. ;D
Sharing funny meme's between friends (maybe even ones you haven't contacted in a while) might be a great way to reestablish contact.
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Had a guy send me a photo this morning he had to borrow a friends truck. The photo was a roll of toilet paper with "THANK YOU!" written on it and he left it on the guys dashboard. ;D
That is SO AWESOME! ;D
If it would stop raining, I'm going to work in the yard because I get an extra hour to my day since I get to work from home. I managed to find part of the spare room (it's held things from my mother's house for nearly a year), decided I like the 5D diamond painting of keychains (that I will use for geocaching) because they sparkle, am replacing the battery in my old Sansa Clip player (because a phone is too big and I like a tiny clip for my music when I exercise), sorted and gave away a lot of CDs and VHS tapes, crocheted a baby blanket, and have honed my Amazon fresh skills (did you now that when I had a package of toilet paper in my basket, I had no delivery times available, but when I removed it, suddenly they could deliver!)
I have also cleaned my workbench and organized my power tools. And discovered that the outlet that runs the small roll up garage door is only on when the garage light switch is on (who knew? Not me.) My kitchen, on the other hand, looks like a tornado went through it. I haven't quite figured out why I haven't manage to put away those three cans of chicken and star soup, when there is plenty of room on the shelf, for example. I don't usually leave my kitchen like that. Very odd. Something for tomorrow, I suppose.
Be well, everyone.
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Im guessing, correct me if im wrong, that riding a motorbike is just About the best GAL atm. You are alone and have a helmet on. I see a couple of tours on the horizon.
I will also be doing some small Jobs around the house or in the garden.
Stay safe!
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Hi. Hope you are all okay out there.
I signed up for the Yale happiness course on coursera, along with about 1.4 million people. A few things I thought I would share as they seem relevant to GAL and mirror work and understanding MLC. I have no knowledge of positive psychology, just one long forgotten college psych intro course, so what I am finding interesting, you may all know already.
One of the "readings" is a TED talk by Martin Seligman, who apparently is the father of positive psychology. One exercise he speaks of is "to design a beautiful day" which in this time of cholera can be healing - how will we spend our first day when this is all behind us?
Martin Seligman also spoke of three types of happiness -1) the Pleasant life-what we build, some of it is up to chance and circumstances 2) the Good life, when you enjoy what you do and time stops while you are in the moment and 3)the Meaningful life-using strengths in service of something larger than you/we are. I wonder if our MLC spouses had 1 and 2 - we all think about what a good life we all had before BD, but maybe they were missing #3, the meaningful life. Just a thought. His TED talk is worth viewing if you have time.
Another exercise is to take the (free) online VIA Institute of Character, character strengths survey. It was helpful to me as mirror work because although I was surprised what my "least" strength was, it is so true in the rear view mirror.
Stay healthy. I am also cleaning my barn, taking walks, online yoga, chatting with friends, worrying about plan B for kids's wedding shower and wedding. Hoping to try a virtual zoom happy hour soon.