Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: NoRegrets on March 10, 2012, 07:32:46 PM
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Just curious. I've not met my H's OW, though I have a hard time believing she didn't stalk me on FB or drive by the house, Google me, etc., when she knew about me but I did not know about her. As she was making a move on my H, I would imagine she was very curious about her rival. I would also imagine that the OW's erratic behavior ratchets up any time she feels threatened, though at least in my case, I've made it fairly clear I am no threat to her by my seeking a divorce and not contacting her. She did move to my town last summer, in a way that makes me feel as if she is invading my world.
Speaking of FB stalking...(who, me?) I notice she has posted pics of my H's naked torso (in swim trunks) minus his face, for some odd reason, and I assumed she did this to taunt me, but then it occurred to me that she may be taunting her own husband who has a girlfriend. Who knows.
Just wondering if there is a typical behavior pattern with regard to contacting the wife.
It creeps me out that she has access to keys to my home. It's always creeped me out that she touches our things (well, especially my HUSBAND!) I know she is not trustworthy.
For a while I did get a lot of silent calls made to my house, but I have no proof that it was her.
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Hi Starting, I never had OW1 or OW2 contacting me on any way. However OW1 was part of our cultural circle. She did not live in the same city with did but she would be there sometimes for concerts or exhibitions. We, and some other people from our social circle, were all part of a culture forum. So, she knew me a bit, I knew her a bit but not much. Just like an acquaintance you say “hi” when in a public event.
OW2 is someone that is part of husband new set of friends. I’ve never heard of her before. None of them, nor anyone that is not my friend in FB can see my wall. Husband and I are not friends on FB.
Can you change the lockers of your house and, if so, not to give a new set of keys to your husband? I’ve made my husband gave me back the house keys when OW1 come public and he stopped paying the rent. OW1 has never, as far as I know, come round where he lived. OW2 only exists since after I’ve moved out and back to our home town.
The silent calls could had been made by OW but unless you can have a record of where the call come from, and know all the numbers she has access to, there is no way to know.
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Cali, The articles say something about as the affair is winding down and multiple break ups and getting back together Soulmate Schmoopies :o :o :o :o :o The OW may exhibit behaviors from the infatuation chemicals and hormones (biochemistry sux right?) They send them into a frenzy of controlling panicky insanity. Right? Hang up calls. ??? Drive bys? They get like we felt at the moments folowing BD.
Shear terror of their worse kind of fear" Abandonment fear".
Bowser only sent me that christmas card LOL! with Jesus and Mary on it to Thank Me for giving my H a really good article about ritalin and heart murmurs in children.
I made my student find it. LOL! So I laughed really hard. Can't make this up. Everyone on here told me the same...DON"T RESPOND TO HER!
I didn't ;D ;D What for? A band aid sent me a card saying "Sabotage Sam was not part of my Grand plan oh but I digress..." and these golden oldies "Sabotage Sam says a LOT of NICE things about you. Your Ds are so well adjusted" and "I know you feel a lot of animosity towards me. Probably an understatement but I hope we can somedy meet and become friends." Blech puke Um NO!
H was just here I'll go to my thread and say "Woo Hoo!' He is really looking like he needs me to give him more than a hug! I won't. Not until Bowsie is gone. I can't I am afraid of aids and herpes......and Hepatitis C and the plague and cooties and you name it. Thanks for asking Cali. LOL! Other than that, Bowser taunts me on FB but it's just her glaring stupidity. She thinks she's really smart. Remember Einstein Bowser steals man's heart? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???
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Since H left, I've had a number of calls that wait a while and then hang up.
hmmmm. Could it be her?
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The OW will use every manipulative grain in her body as time moves on to keep our H/W. Remember their relationship is based on lies, deceit and manipulation so why would you trust a man like this. OW insecurities tend to show when the affair has been running a while. That is why we should give her the rope to hang herself in the relationship and step out of the way, though this is soooo hard :-\
FB is one of the ways they try to get you to react, get angry and call her names to the MLCer so as they gain power as the MLCer will always protect her right to the end and she knows this.
My H OW has written to me (not nice) and frequently rings both my home and my parents to get a reaction. She waits a few seconds and then hangs up.She never gets the reaction she wants. I won't play her game nor will I give her a thought or the power she craves.
It is hard when you see photo's etc on FB but ignoring them is the best way.
I am sure others will come along and post the antics that the OW gets up to.
xx
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ow likes to torment me through the alt. never anything direct now but still quite obvious.
Some days just to see how closely she follows I would post certain things and time her response. 10 mins was her best... Never said I was nice. Never never.
Mostly I ignore her.
I never reacted to her Sometimes waited days before casually changing it to something that is nothing.
I have stopped it pretty much though now. Bit then again anything she sees on my page is likely to get her goat. Too bad so sad. Recently totally by accident found she had opened her page somewhat. But haven't looked since.
Blaming her dog for friending me and one of her friends commenting on a pic of Dearheart 'with a puppy growing out of his crotch' was almost too much temptation lol
So I have gone back to not looking.
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I received a txt, about a year ago, from OW, saying 'isn't it time that you sorted this out with DIGNITY, for everyone's sake' (My H still has not pursued legal separation).
She knows we have a combined email address for work, and randomly seems to send my H emails. These always seem to appear after a 'break up', and I'm pretty sure, they're designed to taunt me. I push delete, and ignore them.
Today, I had a series of calls. The first was someone hanging on the end of the phone, then angrily slamming the receiver down. (OW pushing redial on the studio ph?, but I can't be certain).
Afterwards, there were a few more, but each time, no one was on the end of the line. I have no idea if this was her or not, but I can't imagine who else would be p*ssed off enough to slam a receiver down on me, after not talking to me???
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During my H's first return I was receiving abusive texts.
They came from random numbers and not traceable.
It got so bad Ihad to contact the police who left a warning message.
They stopped then.
They were awful. Told me what H and OW were up too, explicitly.
All sorts of things.
Told me she would get my H, my home etc.
Really physco.
Well I guess she thinks she won now.....
HUGS
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Previous OW sent a text clearly meant for my H to my home number (which she would have had absolutely no reason to have). Took me a while to realise it must have been deliberate.... A few days later the home phone rang at midnight (marked number withheld) but there was no one there.
It's not difficult to find my home number, btw, because of my profession.
Turns out this was not long before that r ended.
This one hasn't tried anything overt, but I know there are all sorts of pictures on FB. I don't look.
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I am just catching up on some of the threads.The whole MLC freaks me out as our stories are all the same version but when I read this I thought you can totally write the script.
OW sent me and my girls a Xmas card and signed it H,ow x2 her 2 kids.
They txt me 3 days before their wedding and she called but I didnt reply or answer. Feb 12
Ow also txt me and asked why I was so filled with bitterness and hate? hello didnt contact you,you guys contact me.(I have never initiated contact with either of them).
These OP are seriously mentally ill.A friend told me that the OW goes to my ex h work (he works in a gym) and watches him work.Secure and happy relationship that!
She says H tells her everything.It what he does show or tell you about you should be worried about lady!
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Mine's Google-stalked me. I have a lot of websites for business, and I put trackers on them. She's easily identifiable. It's happened at specific times, definitely when she's feeling insecure due to one of their breakups or him not giving her attention.
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I had silent calls for weeks, the number was always with held.....until I got lucky one night, they rang, I picked up, they hung up, I did the usual 1471 (uk) expecting number with held....it wasn't, I managed to get a mobile number. I did nothing with it for two weeks,.I never dreamt in a million years it would be OW, even though my friends thought it would be. One day I put the number in google search....sure enough it was Ow...google brought up the mobile number plus her full name!
I screamed! I was so shocked, I couldn't believe it.
Confronted my H, he couldn't explain it and he did defend her....perhaps she rang you by mistake???
Nah, I don't think so honey!
Calls stopped after that, started up in June this year then stopped again, can't prove its her this time tho, number with held.
I think these OW do it when they are feeling threatened by the LBS or their fantasy life hits a rocky patch.
Hugs xx
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I actually missed the call but BIL answered - she was kind enough to offer him back to me, isn't that nice. He cheated on her, I started laughing because it took 15 years for him to do this and less to me and less than 2 months for her. I told BIL that's nice he was never hers to give so I wasn't sweating it. She did send messages through family.
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During return #3,my W and I were away on vacation.My instincts were not as honed then as they are now and I was unaware the adultery had started back up again.I figured it out on last day of our vacation but W was still denying.I think my W tried to break it off via phone with her that day.I then began receiving taunting texts(while still on vacation) from OW followed by photos she had asked my W to text to her of herself from that very vacation we were on as proof to me that my W was lying.I was HORRIFIED!OW was awfully quick to throw her soul mate schmoopie under the bus once things were not going well!Of course,that didn't stop the affair from picking back again shortly thereafter as I kicked W out again after finding out she was lying and cheating again.
Next time OW contacted me was shortly thereafter,as W had returned home again.OW would NEVER respect the "no contact" that was requested of her after every break-up.This time,I answered W's cell phone and asked to her to move on with her life.I told her nothing my W had ever said to her was authentic and to please respect our privacy.She continued to call and text my W and then sent one to me telling me "to get a f'ing life you b!tc#...your W has cheated on your more than once,what does that say about you?You are the one that needs to get a f'ing life..I should get a restraining order on you....blah,blah,blah".Needless to say,I didn't respond.W was appalled at OW's true colors coming through but sure enough,that was still not enough to keep W from caving to more of OW's emotional blackmail shortly thereafter and the circus started back up again.
Oh gawd,I have heard it all!W would let me listen in on some of the crazy phone call/voice mails this woman would make upon being dumped...she would threaten suicide over and over;she was dying because she had been vomiting for 4 days;she needed my W to be there for some ailment she was having....she would say,"you told me you would never go back to your W because you told me she has bad breath"..wtf??you can't make this stuff up,I tell ya!
The latest,right before my W again succumbed to OW's enticement +emotional blackmail tactics,were the usual regular calls to W's cell phone from blocked number at all hours of the night.She does this everytime W leaves and then tells W when they are reunited soul mate schmoopies,that she just had to call to hear her voice on the voice mail.
Amusingly enough,OW's last efforts at this angered my W so much that 3 days before I was forced to ask W to leave again due to her giving in to OW contact,my W woke me up to ask how do we go about putting a restraining order on this woman to stop the calls!
There's more...but you get the whacked out picture of my crazy sitch.
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In my case OM.
Since my W left I have seen a few different cars ride up and down my street which is a dead end. Someone who looks like OM is always driving by looking towards the house. Also he is some sort of computer genius and since then I keep getting emails that will appear to be from one of my friends but then has a link to click on. Could this be him trying to hack my phone? Also have had some strange calls with people hanging up and such. Otherwise nothing definite.
It sickens me to know this is the person who helped my W move her stuff out of the house May 29, also the day she filed for D. They left a pile of laundry on the bed in the guest room, our picture faced own in the dining room and little piles of stuff everywhere. At the time I was not home and had no idea he was OM. I'm sure I don't need to tell any of you, the cruelty is unbelievable.
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H's OW has called me twice. First crying her heart out that I was mean to H by my "threat" to move out of the country with S4.
Second two days ago, saying "Congratulations. He's all yours now. I won't speak to him ever again."
I always make sure to include her in my prayers. She doesn't sound too intelligent, but she doesn't sound mean either. Of course what she is DOING is mean. But she hasn't been mean to me when calling.
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Evas you have reminded me of something really important I need to do. I need to forgive OM and pray for him. He is wrong for going after a married woman (my W) but still Christ tells us to love our enimies and pray for those who persecute you.
Thanks, I am inspired.
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I have NO proof... only anecdotal from my husband.... ow has stalked my FB, though not lately, unfortunately, or she would see we bought a house together, LOL!!!
There have been THREE occasions where my husband took me aside and said "I need to let you know that ow is threatening to come down here... I dont' think she has the balls... BUT...."
WHEN we get hangups on the phone IN FRONT OF HIM, I milk it... it's usually OBVIOUSLY telemarketers or political calls... BUT... I MILK IT and he will ALWAYS react... he REFUSES to get a landline in our new home... (that ow doesn't know about...).... whatever.
He does say that OW is "extremely jealous of you"... and she calls me names... in the beginning, the MLCer will protect the ow from your name calling... but later, not so much.... he will respect your authority... and HE has said "OW is EXTREMELY JEALOUS OF YOU!!!" no duh!!!
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I received a text message on my landline from the OW before the current one that was meant for my H -- it took me a while to realise that it was deliberate, as why on earth would she have had that number if she didn't go find it? It meant that I had her mobile number, but I never did anything with it, nor did I ever tell my H.
That OW bit the dust very shortly afterwards; have no idea what was going on.
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I have had many calls, texts and FB messages from OW for months...Pretty much since the beginning in 2010.
it got more severe after H broke it off...She texted me tons of times. At one point near the beginning she texted me
and told me I needed to respect her and let my H go...LOL
My H's xOW is full blown BPD...I have gotten threatening texts from her as well, Thank goodness she is 3000 miles away!
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At one point near the beginning she texted me
and told me I needed to respect her and let my H go...LOL
???
So....did it turn out you needed to respect her?
Hahahah!
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NR
I told her respect is earned...and since she hadnt done anything to prove that worthiness, I wouldnt and didnt.
She even said something about being the other woman, but still should be respected because my H wanted to be with
her and not me. She loved to tell me that H didnt love me anymore and that he wanted her. Funny how he was always
showing up on MY door step...LOL
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OW never contacted me. The only thing I know is that she at least once stalked my Linkedin account. I know she made her Linkedin account cause my H asked her to do so. He was her only contact. She is a cleaning lady so why should you have a professional network. When I saw she stalked my Linkedin I told my H that I didn't tolerate that. The same day her account was deleted.
But she never calls me, she not on FB or any other kind of social media. She is completely invisible and so are her kids. Very very strange.
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"she is invisible"
Try spokeo.com They have a great email reverse search. I found OMs Internet radio account and all his favorites were same as Ws and created shortly after W opened her account.
This also verified the change in musical taste aspect of the MLC to me. I was like what the heck, since when did she start listening to this crap!
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I have tried it, but unfortunately doesn't work for Europe.
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Hi everyone,
The OW will use every manipulative grain in her body as time moves on to keep our H/W. Remember their relationship is based on lies, deceit and manipulation so why would you trust a man like this. OW insecurities tend to show when the affair has been running a while. That is why we should give her the rope to hang herself in the relationship and step out of the way, though this is soooo hard - I am not sure how to quote but previous words from justasking.
There is no way no how the OW will ever contact me, I don't want her to especially at the moment as she will get more than she bargained for. BIG TIME. I hope JA is right and that she will hang herself with the rope - because I have dropped it big time, my ex must be wondering what is coming next. I have no contact and do not intend to contact him at all, not a snowballs chance in hell. I am not fighting for a man who has put some OW before his own family - no way! I still find this very hard, and I wish he would wake up soon (been nearly three years)! In that time I have had Great nephews and great nieces be born and to be honest they have done more "growing than I have" time to change that.
Like I said there is no way the OW will contact me, and if she does then bring it on. She was with him at a family funeral recently and I did not look at her in the face, did not acknowledge her in any way nor will I ever - as far as I am concerned she is scum and I don't talk to scum and I don't care who "it" is with, not happening. She is part of his life certainly not mine and never will be. Unfortunately for her she cannot have the same, I will be in my childrens life I will be there when my kids have kids and she will be totally "blacklisted" as far as I am concerned. He knocked my self confidence big time with this but now I am grabbing it back with both hands, I am making my own rules now and she is not a part of the equation.
Just the other day I was sitting here "praying - I am not a religious person usually" but I do think someone or something is looking after me right now. I was praying that he would "come to his senses" and not cause our family any more pain. Who I am kidding. REALLY!
I am starting to question my own sanity, wanting "my man" back - wth! Why on earth would I want someone back who was prepared to put his wife and kids through this - I know I never could. So I am wondering why I am standing? I am being stupid, am I not facing the facts that are staring me in the face?
Does anyone else feel this way?
Or am I really going nuts? By the way apparently mine met OW after we split (not long after though), most people believe he did (I think I do - but who knows for sure) so is this an affair as such?