Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: OldPilot on March 08, 2013, 08:37:27 AM
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There is a discussion going on, on another forum that I though I would bring here too.
Read the other forum to try to figure out what your sense of purpose in Life is?
http://www.marriageadvocates.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/283847/gonew/1/Topic_8a_Awakening_of_Purpose_#UNREAD
Then we can discuss it here.
I am interested in what people think there sense of purpose in life is..
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This is the problem exactly. My sense of purpose is lost. I am at the point in my life where mothering is done & now being part of a team is done...I have no idea why I am still here. That sounds dramatic & sad but didn't mean to--I really have no idea--make a good home for cats?
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calamityj:
Start with "What makes you happy"?
Don't think about it in terms of specific relationships with other people, like "being a good mother" or "being in a fulfilling marriage".
What makes you happy? If money and time were no obstacles, what would you be doing right now?
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This is interesting OP. It seems that some people think it is their job - the work they do.
I think that isn't it. More that it is something that is integral to who we are, not what we do for paid employment.
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To be good to others as I would like them to be good to me. Be a good friend, daughter, wife and to enjoy the life I have been given while I'm lucky enough to be on this earth. I have always been drawn to the helping/nurturing areas from a young age. Went to school for special Education/Psychology and have worked in both a Psychiatric Hospital and Developmentally Disabled center for the last 28 years. I know it feels great to make my disabled clients smile.
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This would have different answers for each part of our lives: professional, personal, family. And I would be at this point with/without my h btw. It's the time of life. When the nest is empty [somewhat] you go, 'now what?'
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This would have different answers for each part of our lives: professional, personal, family. And I would be at this point with/without my h btw. It's the time of life. When the nest is empty [somewhat] you go, 'now what?'
I was asking specifically about the "personal"; that's why I excluded things that entailed specific relationships to other people, like co-workers and family.
Regardless of what your H is doing, regardless of what is happening at work: if you could be doing something right now that makes you happy, what would it be?
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The thing that I could be doing that would make me happy is going back to Bible College. I do feel like my sense of purpose at the core is to bring Glory and Honor to our Lord and Savior. To give my testimony whenever the opportunity presents itself. To gain a greater knowledge of what I believe and why.
In the meantime I would really like to create a center where disabled or developmentally challenged children could utilize horses as therapy. Riding is very theraputic.
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Hey great question and certainly not an easy one to answer straight off the bat.
I have always had a yearning and want to work alongside animals. I applied for the RSPCA when i was younger but unfortunately life costs money and i had to get a career job to pay for it. I also did not think ultimately i was hard enough to deal with what i would see.
If time and money were no object now i would buy my own shelter for re-homing and it would fit with my desire to be outdoorsy. If i ever feel down i just look at or touch one of my pets and it brings an instant smile to my face. I reckon that i am in this life in a caring capacity, but i do not feel drawn to humans for some reason. It's always been about the animals. I utterly adore them.
I have a plan already to fulfil some of that and as soon as my kids turn 10 ( which they have to be) we will be volunteering at the rehoming centre affiliated with my work.
Is that what you mean?
SD
x
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As a Christian, I would answer that with the Westminster Catechism!
Q. 1. What is the chief end of man?
A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.
Our identities get so messed up in this, don't they? i.e.:I know what my purpose in life is, I guess I confused it with being a wife...
So now, I will glorify God first and enjoy His company :)
He will reveal what I am to do with the rest of my life - there are many things I would still like to accomplish based on personal preferences, I am waiting for His counsel - meanwhile, I continue to care for my family (what is left of it), work to earn a decent salary, make up my time for retirement :)
Thanks for reminding me of this essential truth!
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What a great thought SF. Would you want to minister to others?
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Hey great question and certainly not an easy one to answer straight off the bat.
I have always had a yearning and want to work alongside animals. I applied for the RSPCA when i was younger but unfortunately life costs money and i had to get a career job to pay for it. I also did not think ultimately i was hard enough to deal with what i would see.
If time and money were no object now i would buy my own shelter for re-homing and it would fit with my desire to be outdoorsy. If i ever feel down i just look at or touch one of my pets and it brings an instant smile to my face. I reckon that i am in this life in a caring capacity, but i do not feel drawn to humans for some reason. It's always been about the animals. I utterly adore them.
I have a plan already to fulfil some of that and as soon as my kids turn 10 ( which they have to be) we will be volunteering at the rehoming centre affiliated with my work.
Is that what you mean?
SD
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Pretty much, yes.
I don't expect people to have a ready answer; when I was talking to a therapist in the months after BD, she asked me what kinds of things I like to do by and for myself, and I didn't have an answer then, either.
My wife was heading out of town so the therapist told me to take a day or two off and find something to do. And it wasn't easy: I don't even remember what it was—maybe I saw a movie that I was interested in?
And it's been slow going but I've been making an effort to spend time with friends I hadn't in a while, and to tinker with projects that catch my attention. Maybe someday some of them will turn into some kind of "purpose".
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FindingJoJo, I don't know for sure about that. I think I can use my experience to reach out to people in similar circumstances, but I usually do that when God leads me. I don't know about a formal thing, but just to be open to speaking out when I feel the leading of the Holy Spirit. I have done that at work and the words just come without much thought. Then I know its truly sent as a message from above. Not like a "VOICE FROM GOD" type of message, but to know that he's using me to help someone else by what I've been through myself. Again, my testimony.
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My sense of purpose? Well, I have never defind myself by what I do for a living. I use to by the kind of mother and wife I was. Now I define myself as someone who took what life threw at her and survived, not only survived but learned how to thrive.
FH
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As a Christian, I would answer that with the Westminster Catechism!
Q. 1. What is the chief end of man?
A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.
The way you phrase that is interesting.
Is that actually your answer, or what you think is supposed to be the "right" answer? Because I wasn't trying to steer anyone towards any particular answer; this isn't a test of whether your consider yourself a good Christian or not.
And there are lots of ways to glorify God; it's kinda like saying "My purpose is to be a good person." How do you want to glorify God?
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If time and money were no object I would be travelling the world and photographing. But is that my real purpose? Not sure. I see nothing wrong in our real purpose to be a mother/father, wife/husband. If that is what makes us happy, what is wrong with it?
I was far happier being married than taking all the photographs in the world so, I'm not sure if our purpose has to do with things we like to do on our own... I always did what I liked but it was never so fulfilling if I'm on my own.
Maybe this sounds strange...
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My purpose is being of service to others. It's where my passion lies.
Take care,
Lulu
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FindingJoJo, I don't know for sure about that. I think I can use my experience to reach out to people in similar circumstances, but I usually do that when God leads me. I don't know about a formal thing, but just to be open to speaking out when I feel the leading of the Holy Spirit. I have done that at work and the words just come without much thought. Then I know its truly sent as a message from above. Not like a "VOICE FROM GOD" type of message, but to know that he's using me to help someone else by what I've been through myself. Again, my testimony.
That is ministering to people. I know what you mean about the words just coming without thought. I don't have a big support base for my faith in my family and H's family ridicule me for it but you know what I use to be silent and now if the thought is there I share and it feels right to do so. Just talking and comforting and sharing the Word is ministering.
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As a Christian, I would answer that with the Westminster Catechism!
Q. 1. What is the chief end of man?
A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.
The way you phrase that is interesting.
Is that actually your answer, or what you think is supposed to be the "right" answer? Because I wasn't trying to steer anyone towards any particular answer; this isn't a test of whether your consider yourself a good Christian or not.
And there are lots of ways to glorify God; it's kinda like saying "My purpose is to be a good person." How do you want to glorify God?
It has become my true answer again - the confusion that this ordeal threw me into made me re-evaluate my basics!
Although it is a truth [my main purpose is to glorify God] that I embraced as a young girl - I had strayed pretty far away, losing myself in my roles as wife, mother, professional - all of these have been severely tested at different times.
This is my center, I was off kilter.
And yes, one can glorify God in many ways, doing many things.
I hope that all the things I currently do are bringing glory to Him, including my stand, not to appear as a 'good' person because that would be bringing glory to me not to God and that is not my purpose.
Thanks for the chance to reflect more on this!
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My belief is that My Purpose evolves as my life does. I also believe that it is intrinsic and that if I try to follow anyone else's vision/idea of success then I will fail, even if I succeed because it is not intrinsic to me. That, for me, is the most vital part. It has to be of my own passion/desire/making.
I've always felt that music is My Purpose - I write my own music and I DJ. These are activities that give me energy. I'm also motivated to do these activities without anyone having to pressure me. I can spend hours doing these activities and I've also taught others how to do these activities. From what I've read on the topic that's a great indicator of Purpose - something that you feel you know so much that you could share your knowledge with others.
I believe we all have a Purpose - it's just that for some people it's not always obvious and you need to look into yourself and start asking some questions.
:) x
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My purpose is to continue to discover my purpose...to awaken into the complete, whole, unique person God put me on this planet to be. I discover a little bit more about what this means everyday.
I am learning it means to love with a depth I could have never imagined... to embrace joy, but to feel sadness deeply...and especially, to honor those moments, often so fleeting, when I can sense my oneness with God.
It means to be vulnerable and honest and to approach life with curiosity. It also means to have fun. To play!! To dance and giggle with my students and be pleased with all the crazy, zaninesss that this time on earth has to offer.