Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Tsunami on November 20, 2013, 05:44:31 PM
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The show is advertising to be about MLC. Just thought I would share with those of you who may be interested in watching.
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It's it a new show?
They previously had an episode where the h was the mlcer and he sounded like a boomeranger? The w and h still did things together but the h exercised fervently and he didn't want to be married but spent loads of time with his w. You can find it on YouTube. Search on YouTube for midlife crisis and Dr. Phil.
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I think I saw that one and wasn't impressed with Dr Phils "take" on it..he should have been tougher with him..
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according to the DVR sked, it's listed as New. Hope so.
Title: Mid-Life Marriage Meltdown
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4LV8lgNuJ4
See if it's this one.... Talks about two couples...
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This sounds totally different from the previous one from the description--30 year marriage, one couple, h leaves, wife moves on & h wants back.
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Hobo 1
Yup, that's the one that I saw before. I don't think Dr. Phil was able to impress upon the mlcer that he WAS going through a midlife crisis.
There should be a standard checklist 0k - "standard" might not be the operative word.
But I think with my h, I could check off about 85% - 90% of the characteristics: moving, spending $ like crazy, abandoned w and children with no notice, brand new car, traveling constantly, having "no" money despite having a job, and oh yes, the other woman too.
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This program is new!
Much more accurate then the last MLC show.
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That other program was from a 2.5 years ago, so they would not rerun it in the main time slot for this season--they rerun this seasons older episodes. I contacted the show when I learned it was going to happen, but was a few hours too late--they were taping that day and would have otherwise had me come. DARN :P
I wrote a series at the blog (http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/midlife-crisis-and-infidelity/dr-phils-midlife-crisis-episode-1/) based on that show.
I'm going to contact the producer I have talked with before and offer to Skype with the wife, Judy on an informal rather than coaching basis.
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Today's show was the best I've ever seen on the subject [not saying much as mlc is never covered] although of course, being tv, it was fairly superficial. Also the husband's mlc seems to have only lasted a year? I missed most of the show but the description is here http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/2117
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I will admit that this makes me skeptical about whether or not it is really MLC.
Also the husband's mlc seems to have only lasted a year?
MLC is not a short term thing.
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IMHO, I don't think his MLC is over.
I think he panicked, because she moved on so quickly and found someone she enjoyed spending time with.
It did make me question if his actions threw her into a MLC of her own.
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I recorded the show earlier today - just finished watching it.
One of the few happy ending stories about a man who has his 'come to Jesus' moment and wants his wife back in a huge way.
He did the very classic BD, had a girlfriend, followed by 'wish you'd find someone for yourself, I'm done with this marriage' , etc. The wife was convinced he was mentally ill, it was so out of character.
After 10 month period, the catalyst for the husband coming to his senses seemed to be witnessing his wife moving on with her life, dating and getting over him.
Meanwhile, she has fallen for another, and she's nuts about the guy; she doesn't trust her husband with her heart or their marriage vows, but she still loves him, and did let him move back in the house (separate bedrooms). Still goes out with her boyfriend on the weekends.
The program ended w/ the couple's commitment to counseling arranged by Dr Phil, with wife suspending her new relationship for the duration.
I smell a sequel here.
I couldn't help myself, trying to pick up on cues to figure out which one of our posters she was!!! HA! She wasn't British, that much I know ;D ;D
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Dr Phil is a start...if only the MSM would out this... DSM notwithstanding...so much of this misery is just tragic and unneccessary
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An MLCer whose crisis lasted 10 months, then wife found someone else and, all of a sudden the guys crisis is over? Never heard about such thing.
The guy may just have had a midlife affair, a very different thing from a MLC. Calling what that guy had is like calling pneumonia or tuberculosis to the common cold.
Unless, of course, the guy crisis is not done. But I suspect what most mainstream (and not so mainstream) media call MLC has nothing to do with what we deal with.
What was the last LBS spouse here whose spouse crisis was done in 10 months?...
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Dr Phil is a start...if only the MSM would out this... DSM notwithstanding...so much of this misery is just tragic and unneccessary
So true!
by the way, what does DSM mean?
An MLCer whose crisis lasted 10 months, then wife found someone else and, all of a sudden the guys crisis is over? Never heard about such thing.
What was the last LBS spouse here whose spouse crisis was done in 10 months?...
yes, that's what I was thinking, too. I found myself getting my hopes up, but doesn't jive with the anecdotal time frames, does it?
I wonder if this was a midlife transition, but on the cusp of crisis? ;D
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An MLCer whose crisis lasted 10 months, then wife found someone else and, all of a sudden the guys crisis is over? Never heard about such thing.
I haven't watched the episode myself (I tend to stay away from mainstream "MLC" information) but I am with Anjae on this. MLCers don't get pulled out of their crisis by outside influences.
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yes, that's what I was thinking, too. I found myself getting my hopes up, but doesn't jive with the anecdotal time frames, does it?
I wonder if this was a midlife transition, but on the cusp of crisis? ;D
No it does not. Maybe just a normal midlife transition. Many midlife transitions include an affair. Some don't, of course. Even some MLC don't include an affair (rare but it happens).
Think you're right, trusting, to our knowledge MLCers don't end their crisis because of external influences. Even if, yes, some of them may sense they will loose the LBS and may start to pull themselves together. Still, it tends to take them far more than 10 months to realise such a simple thing.
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Still, it tends to take them far more than 10 months to realise such a simple thing.
Yes, exactly. I do think it is possible at the end of their crisis when they are starting to wake up that they may get a jolt if they realize that they are losing their spouse, but deep in it I don't think it would make any difference.
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The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association...it doesn't acknowledge MLC but if you get social workers or psychologists,attorneys or judges together in small groups..they know it's real
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I watched it, It was like watching myself and my H. That is our story almost to the T. But not the part where H is begging me to come back. Mine wants
to come back, but he is not falling all over me, and saying all the love stuff, like that guy. But the girl IS me. Even the dating part after about a year, and meeting
another guy. But I stopped seeing the other guy when H and I decided to try and make it work. And like her, I am still mad and it's been hard to forgive H.
I really liked the show, and got some things out of it, mostly because it was so close to my situation right now. I liked the outcome also.
Dr Phil says the H needs some specialized therapy and needs to go on his own. I would love if my H would do that. I don't know if he would.
I want him to watch the show. You think that is a good idea? If I could get him to do it. He still does not think he is going through midlife crises.
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I watched snippets of the show from Dr. Phil's web page. I wonder if he was really out of his MLC in 10 months. Isn't it possible that he was in MLC for much longer but led a secretive life that the wife didn't know about until BD? Can BD ever be far into the crisis? I think I've read that BD is usually about 1/2 way thru the crisis. If that's the case, I'm stepping back because my H seemed like he started a MLC, told me he didn't know if he wanted to stay married but wanted to stay together until our boys graduated-which would have been for 4 1/2 more years. I said, no way. I won't live in a loveless marriage so we would need a divorce. He seemed to "snap out of it" only for it to return 3 years later with a vengence. He's been gone for 1 1/2 years and monstering a lot since OW's divorce was final 2 months ago.
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Interesting DancingInTheRain, my h's crisis, we have decided, looking backwards,started in 1997. It was a slow, insidious process. Days where the entire family walked on eggshells, then long intervals where everything was fine. Over the years, it reversed to where more days of walking on eggshells, as opposed to not. An unpleasant, unpredictable time.
Against my wishes my h took his present job, overseas, in 2002 I think, hehehe. We had 2 years of incredible fun. Almost like a long, long honeymoon. Lovely vacations, romantic dinners, probably had more (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) then we had throughout our marriage. I honestly was having a BLAST and I thought he was as well. It was so good, there were a group of us ladies that were talking of writing about about how "LIFE BEGINS AT 50". Thought I had died and gone to heavy, can't remember a time where I felt more love for my h.
Our two oldest announced their plans to marry, in late summer 2004 and both married that same year, and wham... our lives fell apart.
Where am I going with this? I guess I am trying to figure out when the actual BD happens. From 97-02, I do not think my h had any "liaisons", at least not that he has ever admitted to. Then in 2004 right smack in between the two marriages... September and December, he worked late and coming out of a meeting this woman asked if he would "like a drink at her house"... and our lives were turned upside down. He remained with her, until 2006. He asked me to return. I did so. I think I can safely say, that he was a good 2 years after my return before he was completely out of his crisis (2008). It took me probably 2 more years to totally grasp that he was out and was home to stay. I guess, you could say, BD is about dead center... goodness, my h will be so upset that he is NOT original, hehehe!
Dr. Phil is TV DRAMA. I very much doubt that man is out of his crisis... or if he is, he was in it for a good number of years prior. I do believe that many men and women, begin the crisis, then somehow hold themselves together long enough to do whatever it was that they felt NEEDED to be achieved first... and then return to it. It certainly does seem that once started, it is not going to be finished until it has done the whole cycle...over and over again, it seems.
Take what you want from Dr. Phil, but I would not suggest you base any possible relevance to your own personal life and your spouses crisis.
Hugs Stayed
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I watched the show.
I don't know. It is television. It was scripted. So many times when the woman was speaking, it looked like she was reading from a teleprompter.
Is the man still in crisis? I don't know. The look on his face certainly didn't look like a person who was remorseful.
As for the wife. Hmmmmm. 10 months and she goes out with a person from a dating website (2nd person that she had met) and the date lasts a week? She had been married for 30+ years. It sounded like her H had been the only man in her life. And she can go off for a week with a stranger. And this new man is so important to her now that she is struggling to choose between the two?
To use a British term - "rubbish."
I have zero interest to see a follow up show on what happens next.
Was it MLC? I doubt it. Just a cheating husband who got caught and an angry wife who wants to get even.
L
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lol limitless, that made me laugh. Your comment... "it is television"! Says it all.
Hugs Stayed
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read this carefully..what do you think?
Living Alone After Divorce Can feel Like Liberation…but
‘Like a pit pony breathing fresh air for the first time after years underground — that’s how I felt when I started living alone after 20 years of marriage and bringing up two sons. ’
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2168926/Living-divorce-feel-like-liberation-But-trust-turns-aching-loneliness.html
Filed under: Children And Divorce,Divorce And Society,No Fault Divorce Around The World — familyinnocence @ 8:13 pm Edit This
The loneliness and endless regret of being a divorced grandmother
‘The fact is, I am a prime example of that discomforting modern phenomenon: the divorced grandparent.”
Rover’s thoughts: First..this is the second article I have posted by this author..the first was about her loneliness after divorce..now this one is her regrets about divorce and how it effects her grandkids..neither time is there any concern for her spouse or her her children..And second..there will be many of these scenarios..sad regardless of the ‘why’..even if it took her a long time to figure it out
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2386393/LIZ-HODGKINSON-The-loneliness-endless-regret-divorced-grandmother.html
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Thanks for posting Rover.
Reading between the lines, don't you think that it's actually all still about her? What she is missing out on - what she isn't getting from her Grandchildren, because they are at their other grandparent's houses filled with love and home baking and security and comfy sofas.
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yep..i think it is very much about her..reading carefully..it was her divorce..and now its payday
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Australian Viewers - Dr. Phil Midlife Crisis edition is on today Channel 10
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:( I'm at the Dr's with Dr. ..
Perhaps you can give us a review?
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Hi SP
There is a review somewhere on here from North American viewers. It was on TV over there several months ago.
So far, the way the MLC'er behaved is total script!!
leemo
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What was Dr Phil's response?
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I was at work today. My friend usually tapes it though.
Thanks Leemo, I'll see if she recorded it today.
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Its on my Foxtel box, if you are in Sydney you can visit and watch it lol :-)
I got the feeling Dr. Phil doesn't really believe in MLC but I suppose thats to be expected.
The LBS had met someone else but the MLC'er was insisting he wanted to save their marriage, Dr. Phil recommended the LBS tries to make things work but she was so hurt by the MLC'ers actions she wasn't sure she could.
I think Dr. Phil commented that the husband had a temporary mental disconnection from his wife.
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Someone needs to send him a link to this forum!
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I am in the US but interested in your thoughts on this. I saw this very early on in my situation. I taped it and I think H erased it! I too got the impression that he doesn't believe in MLC, which surprised me a bit.
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I watched the episode about 8 months ago, it's on YouTube.
I was very skeptical about Dr Phil and his analysis of the situation. The whole program made me angry. The so-called MLCer was, I thought maybe a serial affair man and he did have narcissistic tendencies but the whole thing left me with more questions than it answered and was nothing like most of the forum stories.
Dr Phil was very non committal and I certainly got the impression he thought MLC was a load of rubbish. The second person was a woman in MLC and her story was unconvincing as well. Dr Phil may as well not have been there, and the questions he asked were not ones I would ask an MLCer. Dr Phil thought the marriages had just ended for "other" reasons and certainly didn't seem vaguely interested in the subject.
I will watch it again to see if I've changed my mind but at the time - useless program, did nothing to help anyone on this forum, only make us feel like fools for loving our spouses.
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Word for word how I felt too, Summer.
My friend and I watched this episode a while ago too, and I was really disappointed with Dr Phil's response. He seemed to 'poo poo' the whole idea of MLC. My friend watched it again through the week when it was aired again and feels that Dr Phil wasn't necessarily disbelieving of MLC but rather that he didn't think the guy on the show was suffering from MLC. I need to watch it again but I still feel that he doesn't really believe in MLC.
Dr Phil needs, perhaps, to spend a day in the life of......... Us!
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http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/midlife-crisis-and-infidelity/dr-phils-midlife-crisis-episode-1/
RCR wrote a 5 or 6 part blog post about Dr, Phil is this the same episode?
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That's the one OP,
Useless piece of television and a total waste of time. I hated it. If Dr Phil had taken MLC seriously, we could all have more exposure for what we are dealing with and a lot ore information for the newbies. Instead, we were belittled and told to move on.
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OP, the couples names are Judy and Dan. So must be a different episode.
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Is this a new episode Leemo? Don't tell me Dr.Phil is going for a second round of MLC he doesn't believe in ::) ::)