Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Thunder on January 26, 2016, 09:00:19 AM
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I know there are various reasons for MCL, but I have been reading about male testosterone and found it very interesting.
According to Jed Diamond in The Irritable Male Syndrome, testosterone levels cycle throughout the year: “Studies conducted in the US, France, Australia found that men secrete their highest levels of sex hormones in October and their lowest levels in April.”
The irritable male syndrome is characterized by a “state of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration, and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and a loss of male identity.”
Diamond claims that there is a seasonal aspect to the irritable male syndrome that makes men “more irritable when days shorten and there is less light. The decline in testosterone between October and April may contribute to this irritability.”
I realizing my BD occurred in January but every bad depression he has gone through was always around November.
Sorry this is for the ladies but if any male MCers have gone through this I'd like to hear from them.
What month did your H DB?
My BD was January
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My BD was in December but it is summertime here and a time of year that my h. is usually quite irritable because of the heat. He left home at the end of April, which is fall here. We also don't have large variations of length of daylight, our shortest period of daylight is probably 11 to 12 hours and the longest is about 13 to 14 hours.
Just sayin... :P
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1st BD - October
2nd BD - February
3rd BD (and the one he moved out on) - May
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Quite interesting.
BD Beginning of April.
Told me the last time he felt happy was August. We were in DC. It was hot and sunny lane beautiful
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I had wondered this too! Mid August in my case.
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Diamond wasn't the only article I read on testosterone. Others just gave certain months that were the worse. Usually they gave October to April and didn't indicate light or shorter days. His was more in depth.
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1st bd end of June
2nd bd mid April
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Very interesting. My first bomb drop was the end of June. He started acting weird in April. Second BD the end of October.
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The end of October. 2nd bd was middle of November although he started acting weird a week or so before. Happy Bday to me!
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The affair started in January. BD was March. Both 2013.
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End od August after a great summer in our new home that we had just purchased in May.
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BD 1 april and no it was not a joke
Kicked out of house after physical abuse end of june
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I will have to read that article. BD was August but affair started I reckon around May of the same year. His depression although constant throughout our marriage was worse when he turned 40 in the October.
What is quite strange is that while he was with the ow (the incidental) over the four years they always broke up in the sept/oct and got back together april/may time every year. They broke up permanently at the end of sept 2014. Interesting.
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my b was January in fact it was around now 37 January and I was wondering why I was eeling a little down not as bad as it use to be ut still think about it .
he left in the beginning Decemeber to go on holiday as he had the last few years with our friends husand and left me a note telling me this would e the las time he would go away for a week as he couldn't bear being apart from me for so long and he would never stop telling me how much he loved me for the rest of our lives
the ay he walked back through the door I knew smething was wrong with my husband of 22 years then a month later in January after being the total opposite that he had een he dropped toe bomb he had met a woman on holiday and he just had to do this ???
my life as I knew it was blown apart :(
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I'd like to know hoe pose to a holiday or special occasion was your BD. Mine tried to arrange it for our anniversary/Valentines Day, but I short circuited that.
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BD1--December '11 (really November but i found out about it in december)
BD2--OW confirmed--late March '12
onlyjo
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October
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February (eleven months ago), by phone.
After that, H vanished for five months (and when he showed up, it was only because he had no choice). What a friggin' bastard.
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June 2014
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First BD Feb 2013 affair started Dec 2012
Second BD Dec 2013 after not trying at all and continuing with affair
Moved out Feb 2014
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December/January
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July
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March 2015.
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BD1 ("My feelings for you have changed") July 2011. Actually left August 23, 2011. BD2 when the OW was confirmed was November 27, 2011. He absolutely cycles with the seasons though, and will ramp up in the spring with a lot of manic behavior that peters out by the end of autumn.
It's interesting though that my mother left my dad August 4, 1994, and my dad left my stepmom on August 23, 2003 (and there's no way Hoss would have remembered that to align it). I very much believe there are not just biochemical reasons we sway with the seasons, but spiritual ones, too. It's odd to me my birthday is the Autumnal Equinox, OW's is the Summer Solstice. Coincidence, or Hoss has some serious transition issues (y'think?!?!). ;D
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I don't know when BD was. For me BD is the day Mr J left, October 15 2006
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March
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End of December - Merry Christmas!
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Mine was September. Jed Diamond has some fascinating information on male depression. His book "saving your relationship from mr mean" was very instrumental in my sanity in the early days. It described the sudden change and mood swings that I was experiencing. He's actually my IC now and it is helpful to have someone who understands MLC, respects my desire to save the relationship but still focuses on me.
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August
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Mine was May but he started going crazy already around March not coming home, etc.
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May. Memorial Day to be exact. Moved out in August.
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BD was May 2011
He left October 2011
I think the affair started in October 2010.
There used to be a place to post surveys....I can't find it tho.
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calamity, there used to be "Polls" too but I don't see them anymore.
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April 2015 - a Week before his 44th BDay.
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Whoa! All BDs in April. Full affair started in August and he was in LOVE in October.
That is fascinating stuff. Kind of like PMS in women but annually instead of monthly, which, it turns out, is a manufactured cycle. Left to our own in the wild we would not have menstrual cycles nearly as often. I am laughing to myself at the moment thinking "Thank goodness for menopause." My cycles are slowing way down now. I get minor mood swings which is the only way I know that I am entering a cycle because the calendar no longer does me any good. Nothing like it was in my prime.
I wonder if we could sneakily manage their diets to handle the hormonal changes throughout the year. I have to do a little reading on this. Thank you for starting such an interesting discussion! I will have to read the responses to see what the men think.
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BD in February (3 years next week..)
Left in April that year
Fascinating discussion Thunder.
Love & Light
Venus x
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I wanted to clarify something. I activated BD. EX H had already moved into replay in March or April but instead of saying something or BDing he just stopped coming home right after work and didn't come home till 1 or 2 in the morning. By May I had decided to approach the the mess after he didn't show up and I couldn't find him to help with a concert I was performing with sound. He came that night, we both had our own cars and I called him on the way home and said you are leaving me aren't you? I don't know if he would have ever took that first step as that's how he is. He made things so bad that he was forcing me to make the first step. Once I did he never looked back. He was done. So my BD I produced.
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Wow, that's a first UL. But I believe he would have eventually said something.
I have heard of MLCer's deliberately be so hateful the spouse has no alternative but to kick them out because their too cowardly to do it themselves.
So March/April? Right? :)
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July.
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Was that you or her J?
Did you go through a crisis, too?
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Baby Bomb in August 2015
Atomic Bomb on 13 December 2015 (3rd Advent - Merry Bah firetrucking Humbug Christmas)
Moving out 08 Feb 2016
House sale finalizing 2 days later on Ash Wednesday <snark mode on>(how appropriate) <snark mode off>
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UM, you're so funny. :) Baby bomb...Atomic bomb. LOL
Unfortunately this time we are asking the ladies or previous male MLCer's (like MeNow) to give us their BD month.
It's to prove or disprove what I've read about male testosterone and seasons when it is at it's worst.
They claim between October and April are the worst months.
But thank you and j for chiming in. ;D We'll have to get a male topic or gender neutral one for you guys next time.
Unless you have noticed if different times of the year effect you more than others. That would be interesting to hear.
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UM, you're so funny. :) Baby bomb...Atomic bomb. LOL
Unfortunately this time we are asking the ladies or previous male MLCer's (like MeNow) to give us their BD month.
It's to prove or disprove what I've read about male testosterone and seasons when it is at it's worst.
They claim between October and April are the worst months.
But thank you and j for chiming in. ;D We'll have to get a male topic or gender neutral one for you guys next time.
Unless you have noticed if different times of the year effect you more than others. That would be interesting to hear.
Oh! Sorry! I didn't start at the beginning and see the preconditions... 20 lashes with a wet noodle for me...
However, FWIW, it would be interesting to see if the BD from the MLCW's happened at or near the onset of Menopause like mine did... Then you could have more than a causal link to a hormone imbalance that is gender non-specific...
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No wet noodle. ;D
I think the difference is women can go into menopause at any time during the year. It's certainly not a seasonal thing.
This article was talking about some evidence that men's testosterone levels could be seasonal and may have something to do with this MLC.
But we could do a survey maybe about menopause and MLC timing. It sure effected me negatively at the time.
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Ok so far ladies we have:
Jan-5
Feb-5
March-5
April-6
May-3
June-3
July-2
August-4
Sept-1
October-3
November-none
December-5
So between October and April there were 29 BD's
The other months there were 13 BD's
Interesting, the majority of them fell between December and April.
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29 November 2013.
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So, April IS the cruellest month.
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Small hint dec.BD sept
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Add another tick mark for January (1/3/11).
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Update ladies we now have:
Jan-6
Feb-5
March-5
April-6
May-3
June-3
July-2
August-4
Sept-2
October-3
November-1
December-5
So between October and April there were 32 BD's
The other months there were 13 BD's
Interesting, the majority of them fell between December and April.
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Bomb drop November
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Ok ladies here are the results of our survey:
Jan-6
Feb-5
March-5
April-6
May-3
June-3
July-2
August-4
Sept-2
October-3
November-2
December-5
Interesting, the majority of them fell between December and April.
Thank you all for participating. :)