When I previously mentioned that MLC provides an opportunity ( by the universe or God or mother nature )to face and heal childhood wounds or trauma that have been subconsciously buried ( but dictating behaviors, thinking, emotions etc), it was an explanation given to my husband by his therapist. I am sure that there is far more to the explanation and I got the very "short version". His therapist Jung trained and works with many men in midlife transitions or "crisis". From my limited understanding , the OW is "used" as some symbol or figure that allows a " happening or awakening" ( or some such event) to happen. Again, it is so complex, I have a very limited understanding...just an "idea". Somehow this person ( OW) represents the parent/event that caused the trauma.
The OW accepted him and praised him in every aspect. (not that I didn't) But she stoked his ego on everything. She was USED by him and it shows in so many areas. It seems that he took what he needed from her and now he is finished with her (hopefully).
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My husband felt total acceptance and validation from his OW-cow ( sorry..hard to even type ). That she thought he was "perfect godlike" and that he made her insanely "happy". ( the very thing he could not make me apparently ..."happy") . Well, limerance is at work as well so all the gushy new-love chemicals are all fired up and this is likely better than anything he has felt for a long time. Lifted him from his depression for very short periods. She asked NO questions. Told him he was "rock solid man " ( that still amuses the sh&t out of me ) . She touched him spontaneously , she glowed when she looked at him, she thanked him with such appreciation when he arrived with her two dollar wine. She accepted and believed everything he said . She told him that she "loved " him. Sickening to me .And in there some firework worthy sex I imagine . He felt unconditional love , that he was good enough exactly as he was and he was the most appreciated walk on water man that ever existed . This is how a mother should love her child ...unconditionally. But my husbands mother abandoned him at age 3 1/2 . She must NOT have loved him with unconditional love, otherwise she never would have left him. And ( as children believe) it was his fault she left, he must have been "bad" or unworthy of unconditional love. Somehow, thru all these subconscious interactions .. there is a healing or atleast an ability to now start that process . A spouse cannot be the "chosen " one , apparently it has to be an OW. Why? I will never really know that answer but injustice seems to stack up against us starting here . As much as I have googled this phenomenon , I have never found a good explanation for all of it .
But she stoked his ego on everything. She was USED by him and it shows in so many areas. It seems that he took what he needed from her and now he is finished with her (hopefully). She was never his type, broken like him and she was very weak. As they say they find someone like themselves and we all know that it can't last.
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Yes. In my husbands case, she was without question "used" . Maybe the purpose ( as above) was complete and he dumped her in a VERY cold and cowardly way. And he NEVER went near her again. I wrote her a letter and I did deliver it to her . I told her that "she was used as nothing more than a blowup doll for a broken man, that she was astonishingly easy to pull the plug and and tossed back in the re-cycling bin where he found her . " My husbands affair lasted 9 months . I am not sure why it was so quick and done , when I frequently read otherwise. She was fresh out of jail , on probation for assaulting her husband ( convicted) , a drunk and likely the worst "affair down " I have seen. But she apparently served a purpose that I will never fully understand. I guess it ended when she was no longer "required" .
What usually leads to the eventual breakup of the affair?
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